Is there a chance for a long-distance relationship

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Learning that lovers live in different time zones and see each other every few months, people begin to sympathize (“Being far from a loved one is so hard!”), And sometimes gloat (“I wonder how long they will last?”). But, as in any situation, long-distance relationships have their pros and cons. Let's discuss them.

Life in the 21st century is very dynamic. People move between cities and countries and sometimes have to be apart from their loved ones for a long time. Someone leaves for work, and someone finds a soul mate on the Internet, but it turns out that she lives on the other side of the Earth.

We decided to find out if there is a chance for a long-distance relationship. And to begin with, they asked the Lifehacker editorial staff, who had experience of such relationships, to speak on this matter.

Alexey Ponomar Head of Lifehacker We met my wife in Samara at the 404 festival. She was from Izhevsk, I was from Ulyanovsk. Once every two weeks we rushed to each other in Kazan for the weekend, the rest of the time - chats, calls. We held out for about six months in this mode, after which it became obvious that we had to move in or leave. To endure the physical absence of a loved one is a big test that you will not wish on anyone.

Maria Verkhovtseva Chief Editor of Lifehacker I have five years of experience in long-distance relationships. And, to be honest, I learned a big lesson from him - there is no long-distance relationship. This is a myth that often a young lady invents herself and plays into it. In a long-distance relationship, it is the girl who becomes more attached to the guy, she becomes emotionally dependent on communication with him.

One of the biggest drawbacks of such a relationship is the absence of your soul mate at the right time, whether it is your birthday, a sudden hospitalization, or just a walk around the city in fine weather in the middle of the week.

You can highlight the advantages of long-distance relationships (they teach patience, trust, planning), but all these are excuses and excuses that cover up the failure of this couple.

Nastya Raduzhnaya Author of Lifehacker You can rush with loud phrases as much as you like that truly loving people will always find a way to be together here and now. But life is difficult and sometimes circumstances are really stronger than us.

My four years of long distance relationships have made me stronger. The biggest disadvantage for me was that during the time of separation, I lost the habit of "being in a pair." Each time we met, it took a couple of days to adapt to the feeling that there was a man nearby, he could help, it was not necessary to do everything myself.

Maria Sherstneva Author of Lifehacker I am sure that long-distance relationships are impossible. That's why.

For a couple, daily physical interaction is important: hugs, an unexpected slap on the butt, a kiss before leaving for work and in the evening, and many more little things that give the relationship warmth, trust, and make it special with this person.

In a long-distance relationship, each of the partners has its own life, its own environment and communication, which changes a person. Over time, everyone changes so much that they cease to understand and feel the experiences and joys of their partner.

When communicating at a distance, the partner from a real person turns into a projection created by our brain. When you meet, you suddenly find that your ideal lover is sipping tea loudly, for example, or throwing those notorious socks around. The essence of a relationship is that over a long time spent side by side, we learn to accept the shortcomings of others and even begin to appreciate them.

As you can see, most people think long-distance relationships are impossible. This position is supported by at least four compelling arguments.

4 reasons why long distance relationships are not a good idea

The couple is under intense social pressure

If the other half is far away, you have to constantly answer stupid questions: "When will your girlfriend arrive?", "Are you sure he doesn't walk there?" Circumstances are already psychologically pressing, and such attempts to get into the soul generally unsettle.

Close friends and relatives usually understand the situation, but you cannot escape the pressure of curious colleagues and acquaintances. This is because long-distance relationships in the mass consciousness go beyond the boundaries of normalcy. To keep them, you need to be able to abstract from the opinions of others.

People feel lonely at important moments in life

On the one hand, you can go wherever you want, do what you like. But on the other hand, at all events (birthdays, weddings, family holidays, and so on) you will also be alone.

And if at a party with friends you can somehow cope with the feeling of loneliness, then at critical moments (illness, death of loved ones, etc.) it simply overwhelms.

Moreover, if it is impossible to break loose and come, it is bad for both sides. You want your loved one to be near and hold the hand, and your half cannot find the "right" words of consolation and hates himself for not being able to help.

Not enough sex

This is fine. Sometimes it is not so much sex that is lacking, but rather elementary tactile contact and affection.

Everyone deals with this problem in their own way. But usually a couple tries to see each other as often as possible, and in the intervals between meetings, lovers throw energy into work or sports.

You have to adjust to your partner's schedule

When it's noon in Moscow, it's deep night in New York. Couples living in different time zones, for the sake of communicating with a loved one, have to get enough sleep. Even a couple of hours difference can be inconvenient if you are working or studying.

You also have to adapt to each other for meetings. For example, taking a vacation at the same time to spend it together. From here, by the way, another disadvantage of long-distance relations follows: money is needed for constant flights and transfers, as well as for long-distance communication.

But it is not all that bad. Long distance relationships also have undeniable benefits.

What Makes Long Distance Couples Different

They communicate more

It sounds paradoxical, but it is. If a man and a woman live together for a long time, then gradually the conversations between them come down to the exchange of news at dinner. This happens because over time, close people begin to understand each other without words or at a glance. Why say something if you already see that your significant other, for example, is upset about something, and you can just come up and hug?

Couples, separated by kilometers and time zones, are forced to put almost all their feelings and experiences into words. After all, no one knows how to read thoughts at a distance, and without non-verbal means of communication, it is sometimes difficult to achieve mutual understanding. Therefore, in a long-distance relationship, lovers send each other dozens of messages and pour out their souls for hours on the phone and on Skype.

They value freedom

Your own and your partner's freedom.

In Atlas Shrugged, John Gault and Dagny Taggart promised each other:

I swear on my life and love for her that I will never live for the sake of another person and I will never ask or force another person to live for me.

Relations between Ayn Rand's characters are built on healthy selfishness and respect for the individual's personal freedom. If your significant other is far away and wants, for example, to enroll in tango courses, you have no right to interfere. When the partner is not physically around, everyone does what they want.

Couples living together are forced to pacify selfishness and reckon with each other's hobbies. The situation when he loves hiking, and she prefers the theater, disconnects. We have to look for a common hobby that satisfies both parties.

There are no domestic quarrels between them

When a couple begins to live together, reproaches like "You always throw everything away!" or "You're going too long!" are inevitable. Some eventually come to terms with each other's habits, while others have a love boat hitting the rocks of everyday life so hard that feelings come to naught.

Lovers living in different cities or even countries do not need to argue about who is washing the dishes today or who goes to the shower first. Of course, someday they will have to go through a household grinding. But they have enough time to study each other's habits and negotiate the conditions for living together.

They keep jealousy in check

Long-distance relationships are primarily about trust. Without it, nothing will work. Jealousy, of course, is present, but it should be reduced to flirting: "And the guy next to you in the photo knows that he is not getting anything?" A simple demonstration of how you love your partner.

If there is no trust and there are constant reproaches and suspicions between you, the relationship is doomed. Therefore, couples separated by distance are sure to keep their jealousy under control.

They value their time together

“What we have, we do not keep, when we lose, we cry” - this truth is as old as the world and absolutely true. In a long-distance relationship, meetings are usually rare and short-lived, so lovers treasure every minute they spend together.

They prepare surprises for each other and give their loved one maximum attention. At such moments, work, friends, everyday life, in general, everything fades into the background and there is no place for quarrels over trifles.

Do you believe in long distance relationships?

If you also have experience in long-distance relationships, write in the comments what the pros and cons you found in them. And for those whose soulmate is still far away, we strongly recommend that you read the article on how to keep a relationship at a distance.