How to overcome the triggers that keep us from getting better

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Konstantin Smygin, Founder of the Brief Business Literature Service, shares useful insights from Marshall Goldsmith's new book, Triggers. Form habits - temper your character. This book is about the obstacles that prevent us from changing for the better. And about ways to become who we want to be.

Too often, our good intentions to change for the better come to naught in the first days of our "new life." If asked why, most would say that the reason is laziness and lack of willpower. But what if we underestimate the influence of another, much more powerful factor?

What are triggers?

Signals that make us behave in a certain way. This is, in fact, everything that a person reacts to: other people, the environment, our thoughts, feelings and memories.

Are triggers harming us?

Triggers in and of themselves are neither good nor bad. Whether our response to them is productive or unproductive. We can use them both for harm and benefit.

How do triggers relate to change?

When we try to change, we usually underestimate the power of triggers over us. Imagine that you are going home after work, you are hungry and suddenly you smell a luring scent from a lush one. And now you buy a crumpet, although you have long promised yourself to go on a diet. Smell is the trigger that triggers a reaction in you that is, in fact, harmful to you.

Do you need willpower to deal with the influence of triggers?

We tend to overestimate our willpower. Scientific research has shown an interesting fact. It turned out that willpower is a depleted resource. If you have to make a lot of decisions during the day, you will have ego exhaustion by the end of the day. Willpower will be at zero, and you will become very vulnerable to temptations.

But I know I can change

Not so simple. Most people know what to do, how and when. They understand everything well. But they don't. Many are annoyed by motivational books and slogans, propaganda of effectiveness because of the obviousness of ideas. But even understanding what needs to be done, we continue to sit still. A typical mistake people who are going to change are to overestimate their strengths and underestimate the influence of the environment.

Why is it so difficult for us to change?

Because it's really hard. You probably know this from your own experience. We hope for willpower, we wait for enlightenment or special days to start, we believe that there is still a lot of time ahead. Besides, we are all excellent excuse masters. Well, if we are trying to achieve some kind of change, then we believe that we can stop there. We are deceiving ourselves. We do not want to admit that we are inert by nature.

That is, we are the main enemies for ourselves?

One of the key ideas of the book is that the greatest danger to us is in the environment, which the author calls a non-stop trigger, because it is constantly changing.

In some conditions we become one person, and in others - another. Our behavior is the result of environmental influences. And the worst environment for us is the one that makes us do what we think is wrong.

Often, those who benefit from it deliberately create conditions in which we act contrary to our interests. For example, in casinos and shopping malls.

So, if you don't change the environment, then you can't change?

This is not required. Recognizing the power of the environment is already a step towards change. When we carefully analyze the environment, then we become less vulnerable to triggers that provoke us into unwanted behavior.

In his book, Marshall Goldsmith talks about simple ways to change.

And what are these methods?

They are based on a simple and well-known idea. We cannot choose the situations in which we find ourselves, but we can choose our reaction to them. Our task is to develop correct reactions to difficult situations that provoke us to undesirable behavior.

How to develop these correct reactions?

First, you need to analyze the situation from the point of view of four aspects: what you want to bring new, what you want to keep, what you want to get rid of and what you need to accept. Such analysis is the key to the clear understanding that is necessary to start change.

Then we need to realize a “split personality” - the conflict between the inner leader, the one who orders change and is waiting for the results, and the executor, who often faces unexpected obstacles.

The strategist does not anticipate obstacles and blames the subordinate. And he makes excuses or feels guilty. Like a wise leader, our internal strategist needs to correctly assess the needs and abilities of the internal subordinate and choose the most appropriate leadership style.

And then we need to create positive triggers - learning to ask ourselves proactive questions.

What are active questions?

This is an alternative to passive. Passive ones are aimed at assessing the situation, looking for the culprits, or looking for reasons.

This does not mean that they are bad. They help to find weak points. But when it comes to our desire to change, we need to ask ourselves proactive questions. These questions focus on what we can do to make a difference.

An example of a passive question: "How involved was I in the work today?" …

Active example: "Have I tried my best to be involved in the work today?" …

When answering the first one, we can start making excuses: “Constant calls interfered with me”, “My colleagues came up with stupid questions”.

The second question does not provide such an opportunity. It aims to assess our efforts. The focus is shifting, and perhaps we will have to face a not very pleasant truth about ourselves.

But it is in this approach that the beginning of change lies.

But how do active questions become a positive trigger?

The task of active questions is to turn our attention to what is really in our power - to our actions. They create a different level of engagement. The system of their use is simple, but regularity is needed.

Choose what you want to change for a long time. Make a list of active questions related to this topic. And at the end of each day, give yourself a score of 0 to 10 for the effort you put in.

This method forces us to assess the level of our efforts, which we rarely do. It builds enthusiasm, makes progress visible.

That is, all that is needed for change is to regularly ask yourself active questions?

This is not the only but key part. Active questions should become a supportive structure. Just as a shopping list saves you time and money, active questions direct your attention to what you need. A clear structure helps to solve the problem of ego depletion. It reduces the number of decisions we make because we just follow the plan.

We usually trust the framework for predictable actions. But what if we write in the unpredictable ones: rude sellers, boors on the road, a spouse who is determined to quarrel, friends who persuade to drink? After all, it is at such moments that we need help most of all.

And does help come in the form of simple questions?

Yes. Active questions to ask yourself hourly.

Which lecture will you listen to more attentively: the usual one or the one at the end of which you will be asked questions about its content? It is clear that the second.

It is the same in ordinary life. If, while completing a task, you remember that after completing it, ask yourself questions in the spirit of: “Did I do my best to do this in the best way?”, “Did I do my best to find meaning in this lesson ?”, It will motivate you to get involved in the work.

We become more responsible and attentive, because we know that we will be tested.

The main active question when you are faced with a difficult situation: "Am I ready to make an effort now to change this situation for the better?"

The answer to it fills the gap between the stimulus and the response. This question is part of active awareness. It is a choice between a helpful and a harmful response.

And it's all?

To change, we must become aware of the impact of triggers, pause between cue and reaction, and come up with a series of proactive questions that we will ask ourselves regularly throughout the day.

Is it really that simple?

As the author notes, it is the simplicity and accessibility that make this tool effective. This method is easy to remember, which makes it more likely that we will use it.

Should you read the book?

The ideas of the book are not new. This is a mix of oriental practice of mindfulness, proactive thinking, elements of behaviorism, advice on personal effectiveness, situational leadership.

The book contains a lot of repetitions, examples and stories from the life of the author and his acquaintances / clients, which is typical for this genre of books.

Like any book on personal effectiveness, it is not suitable for cynics and those who consider themselves the smartest.

However, the main merit of the book is its clear and practice-oriented system. Once you know about it, you will no longer have any excuses for inaction.