Coping with a quarter-life crisis - tips for university graduates

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Remember, when we were children, everyone dreamed of becoming adults as soon as possible. And now the naive childhood dream came true, but the joy did not increase from this: many begin to feel fear, boredom, strong disappointment, confusion. Let's figure out how to overcome these experiences.

All over the country graduation at universities has died down (or is about to die off), and tens of thousands of young guys and girls will soon plunge headlong into "adult life": their first job, their own family, children. But not everyone's search for their place in the sun goes smoothly: some cannot get used to a new life, and some find that this life is not at all what it was imagined. This is how a depressive state appears, which psychologists call a quarter-life crisis.

In a crisis, not only are there not enough ideas on how to cope with it, but there is also no desire to do anything. It seems that the moment has been missed and the whole future life will be like a series of gray, monotonous, joyless days.

In these experiences, you are not alone (even if it seems that you are). The very term "quarter life crisis" appeared in psychology thanks to two non-specialists, girlfriends Alexandra Robbins and Abby Wilner. They accidentally found out that they were experiencing similar experiences, which eventually resulted in the book "The Crisis of a Quarter of Life: Unique Life Trials of Those Over 20".

The main question that worries young people: what to choose? Build a career? But then personal life will suffer and there will be no time for family and friends. Dedicate yourself to your family? Then there will be no room for self-realization, and financial problems can make themselves felt. And it seems that if this choice is not made immediately, then everything will be irretrievably lost.

To cope with a crisis, it is important to realize that there is such a problem, as well as to understand the reasons that it may be caused. Let's start in order.

Causes of the crisis

Rich means successful

Society and the media form a certain stereotypical image of a successful young man, who is distinguished not only by the highest moral principles, but also managed to make a fortune by the age of 20. When material wealth becomes the only measure of success in society, it is not surprising that many young people by the age of 30 receive an inferiority complex. In addition, many live with the conviction that you can get rich quickly and without any effort. And the contradictions between unjustified expectations and real life, in turn, lead to sad consequences.

Parental pressure

Parents are indisputable authorities for us - they always know what is best for us. But their concern is not always beneficial: you can forget about your own desires, trying to meet the expectations of your parents.

Information space

Social media has brought us closer to each other. We learn in real time what our neighbor eats for breakfast, what car a school friend bought, what professional heights a second cousin has reached from a town a thousand kilometers away. The subconscious begins to work against us: we involuntarily compare our achievements with the successes of other people, our appearance, travel, profession - and the results are not always comforting. A slight dissatisfaction with oneself in a crisis situation can develop into a depressive state.

Phases

A researcher from the University of Greenwich, O. Robinson, studied the mechanisms of manifestation of the crisis. He found out that not only 20-year-olds are susceptible to this crisis, 25-35-year-olds are at risk. A crisis can last for about two years and is usually resolved positively (as a result, this condition prompts a person to look for solutions to their own problems).

Robinson identifies four phases of a quarter-life crisis that every young person who encounters this problem goes through.

• The first phase: a feeling of hopelessness, being driven into the framework of work or relationships (or in both areas of life at the same time). A well-known contradiction - work is boring and without work is boring too.
• Second phase: there is an understanding that changes are possible. A person stops quietly suffering, begins to explore the possibilities that are associated with his interests. In essence, he begins to look for his own path.
• The third phase: from ideas to qualitative changes. A person begins to rebuild his life, gets rid of unnecessary things, finds out what is important to him.
• Fourth phase: consolidating new commitments, expectations and values.

Despite the fact that this is a difficult period, it leads to positive changes. And it is important to go through it in order to better understand yourself as a person, solve problems and move to a new level of development.

Recommendations

1. Forget about what you "should" have at this age

You don't have to prove anything to anyone. If your life does not fit into the ideas of others about how to live, this does not mean that it is somehow wrong. This means that you have a different value system that you are not obliged to justify to anyone. Life is one, so decide for yourself what is important to you.

2. Try to understand who you want to be and how to live

One of the reasons for the crisis is that you are not clear about your future. Take off your rose-colored glasses and think over a rough plan for further action. Perhaps the time has come to change the field of activity, go on a diet, sort out the relationship. Or simply take a break and rest.

3. Do not withdraw into yourself

Alexandra Robbins in an interview named two main mistakes people faced with this problem: they do not talk with their peers (although they can also experience similar emotions) and do not talk with those who are over 30 (they could give good advice, so as we also went through it). Understand that you are not alone in your feelings and experiences.

4. Don't go to extremes

The feeling of one's own insecurity and meaninglessness of what is happening around can push you to rash actions. For example, to quarrels or unnecessary purchases. Do not waste money on things that do not bring you pleasure, and minimize communication with unpleasant people.

5. Not all at once

Of course, I want to put my affairs in order in one fell swoop. But, trying to be in time for everything at once, you will have to be torn between different desires, grab onto one thing or the other, and in the end you will not succeed in any of them. Therefore, it is better to make changes in life gradually. And it's worth starting small.

6. Don't worry

A crisis is a transitory phenomenon. Everyone went through adolescence - some more, some less violently - and now he is remembered with a smile. After a while, this period will be remembered in the same way.

We all have many opportunities to choose: profession, life partner, social circle, style. Basically, it depends solely on our desires and efforts. But as we mature, we may start to question the choices we made when we were younger. There is no need to despair: it is never too late to change and change. Those who have successfully overcome the crisis admit that they really needed it. This period allowed them to get to know themselves better, resolve the contradictions between the desired and the possible, get rid of imposed stereotypes.

Finding your own path is happiness, but it takes time. So start your search now.