Do introverts feel lonely: misconceptions and facts

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Do introverts hate people and feel the wildest loneliness? Do they really live in some kind of their own world? You will find answers to these and many other questions in this article.

Introverts are "people in themselves" who, by conventional standards, are closed, uncommunicative and prefer solitude to any company.

Today we will find out if this is the case and share with you the opinions and stories of male and female Quora users. They are all introverts, and each of them has something to say.

I'm an introvert. And that doesn't mean that I hate people

No, that doesn't mean that I hate people. I just don't like being around them.

I'm not the kind of introvert who gets nervous around people, especially if they're strangers. Even if I suddenly start to get a little nervous, I can still communicate fairly freely. Being an introvert doesn't mean that they are shy.

• Personally, I hate so-called small talk, which is actually silly chatter and a waste of time.
• Often I have to explain to people that if I am silent, it does not mean at all that I am bored, offended or angry. Maybe I'm just fighting my inner dragon.
• Contrary to popular belief, not all introverts are quiet and quiet. I can talk for hours about what interests me.
• But I still love the silence, yes.

I can still say a lot on this topic, but I think that all this will not apply exclusively to introverts. Who knows, maybe I'm just a narcissist and I think my thoughts are much more interesting than what others are saying.

Now to the main question: Do I feel lonely?

Yes. And, surprisingly, I feel lonely when people surround me.

When I'm alone, I rarely get bored, I can always find something to do. Yes, of course, sometimes, like all people, I feel sad. But not because I am alone, a tearful song and thoughts about my failures, even the situation in my country, can drive me into such a state. But in such cases, I do not feel lonely.

But when there are a lot of people around me, and I do not feel my involvement in them, then I feel lonely.

For example, I can sit next to my best friend and not talk to him for several hours, without both of us feeling lonely.

But I can be at a party with 10, 20 or even 40 people. I can talk to them, listen to them and laugh with them, but after a while I realize that this is all just a superficial game.

That's when I want to howl with loneliness.

I'm tired of making excuses because I like being alone

How does it feel, you ask? So, I often feel guilty. I have to apologize to others for not wanting to spend time with them. I'm tired of trying to convince others that introversion is okay - it's okay. I am an introvert and I feel good. I'm tired of making excuses because I just like being alone.

I have thought a lot about this, especially in the last year and a half. Introverts have an unnecessarily bad reputation for reasons that I don't quite understand. I want to dispel some misconceptions. Of course, only my thoughts will go further, with which you can either agree or disagree.

Misconception 1. Introversion is just a pretty word behind which people hide their lack of social skills

This is one of the most common misconceptions about introverts. We are thought of as social outcasts. When we were children, we were taught that we should make friends with other children and play with them in the sandbox. If we didn't want to do this, everyone, even our parents, began to question our normalcy.

In fact, most introverts are quite sociable, good at socializing, and yes, they have friends too. They just don’t like to waste time on useless conversations and don’t want to spend Friday night at the bar sipping whiskey and cola in the company of complete strangers.

Misconception 2: Introverts are quiet and don't like to talk

Wrong again. I love to talk. I read and think a lot. I am interested in sharing my thoughts with others and finding out their opinions.

But I don't like performing in front of a crowd of strangers. I don't like talking over loud music in a bar and seeing that my words are empty words to those around me. I don’t like to have conversations for the sake of the conversation, I don’t like looking for words just to say something.

But I like to talk about what is important to me. I love discussing with people what they really care about. And if we find common topics for conversation, then I'm generally ready to talk for hours.

Misconception 3: Introverts always prefer to spend time alone rather than with someone

This is also not always true. Some of my best memories are traveling with friends and implementing a project as a team.

As I said above, I can easily find a common language with other people. But as an introvert, I need balance in everything: the hours I spend with others must be balanced by the hours I spend in silence and loneliness. For me, this is a kind of reboot, so I rest and gather my thoughts.

Misconception 4: Introverts are not leaders

We are used to seeing extremely charismatic leaders and believe that in order to lead people, you must be an extrovert.

But let's think carefully. Albert Einstein was an introvert. Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are also introverts. And many other outstanding people have been and will be introverts.

People become leaders not only because of their personal qualities, but also because of their knowledge and abilities. Introverts tend to devote a lot of time to what they love, which is why they make the greatest discoveries and create the largest corporations.

Misconception 5. Introverts are few

According to various studies, more than half of people around the world consider themselves introverts.

As I mentioned above, in our society there is such a stereotype: to be an introvert means to be not like everyone else, a black sheep, practically an outcast. Because of this, many people never openly admit that they are introverts.

Instead of a conclusion

Being introverted is not bad, embarrassing, or abnormal. And for those who still doubt it, I suggest watching this video.

People are different: someone constantly needs communication, and someone loves solitude more. It's just a fact to be accepted.

Introverts don't like empty talk: I can't feign interest in a topic that I don't really care about

If people find out that you are an introvert, then for some reason they immediately begin to consider you arrogant, rude and secretive. You are less likely to be invited to parties and other such gatherings. If you get married, your friends will joke about how this introverted dude decided to get to know her at all.

But here's what I want to tell you as an introvert:

• Introverts tend to be willing to talk about topics they like. I will be happy to talk with others about cinema and sports, but fashion, for example, is not at all of interest to me. I can’t feign interest in a topic that I deeply don’t care about.
• Introverts are not boors or hermits. We just need our personal space. We need time that we can spend exclusively on ourselves, it is important for us to be alone with our thoughts. And we hate it when someone tries to deprive us of that. Respect the personal space of introverts, their right to be themselves, and, trust me, they will become your most reliable companions.
• Yes, many introverts may not be the best storytellers, but they are great listeners. My friends know that I will not be a good party companion, but they always remember that I am ready to listen to them if they need it.

Yes, I felt lonely a hundred times: when I was not invited to parties, when I had to go to the cinema alone, when all my friends had girls and I didn’t. I felt lonely when I moved to a new city where I had no acquaintances and I didn't even have anyone to talk to.

But I learned to live with my loneliness. I looked at life differently. I was not subject to the herd instinct: I watched those films and read those books that I really wanted to see and read, and not because they are fashionable and everyone around them talks about them. I thought a lot and, by the way, thanks to this I started to write.

Introverts are ordinary people. They just need personal space, and they prefer to talk only about those topics that interest them. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that they like to be alone.

I do not crave communication

All the best ideas come to me when I am alone. On any project, I am more productive working alone.

I rarely start a conversation first. But if someone starts talking to me, I always keep the conversation going. Remember that introverts are not aliens and will not flee as soon as they hear the sound of your voice.

I'm not hungry for communication. I like to be busy on large projects, but at the same time do the task alone. If I still have to be in the circle of a large group of people, then the next day I try to protect myself from communication and be alone. I need such a “day off from people” even after I go to the movies with friends. I'm on my own, and I'm not bored or lonely.

Once at the university I was talking with a classmate about clubs. I said that I found it boring and tedious, to which he replied: "Well, it's still better than staring at the ceiling at home all evening." I remember being overwhelmed by his answer. I wondered if these people were so unimaginative? After all, there is so much in the world that you can learn, what you can learn about! And they spend time in clubs instead, and not because they are all avid party-goers, but because it is so customary, it is considered cool. Oh yeah, it's also the eternal "everybody does it."

There are no superfluous and random people in my life

Many people like to talk about the cons of introversion, but I want to talk about the pros.

• I am never bored when I am alone.
• I don't like formal, short conversations. If I am talking to a person, then this is a real fruitful dialogue.
• I have my own opinion. And I never worry about the fact that it may not coincide with the opinion of the majority.
• There are no superfluous and random people in my life. If I have friends, they are real friends.

Introverts suffocate in the company of people where everyone thinks the same

I am an introvert, and I really like to be alone if I have a business to which I can fully devote myself. But it is unlikely that I could have endured without communication for more than three days. I believe that we all need someone to talk to, even introverts.

Most introverts have their own special outlook on life, they have their own opinion, which they are ready to defend. They do not like the typicality of views that prevails in most mini-communities.

Imagine: you are talking to a person who smells of high-quality and pleasantly smelling perfume. Of course, you enjoy having a conversation with such a person. Let's say you find yourself in a company in which several people use the same perfume. This may annoy you, but it is generally tolerable.

Now imagine that you are in a room in which 50 people use the same perfume. Naturally, the scent will be suffocating, and all you want to do is immediately run out into the fresh air.

Sometimes introverts also choke in the company of people where everyone thinks the same way. They prefer to interact with individuals rather than the crowd.

Also, I believe introverts are quality-oriented, not quantity-oriented. Sometimes, when I’m in a room full of people talking about the weather or gossiping, I feel like I’m in an empty room - just as lonely.

I can keep myself a good company

I'm an introvert, but I'm sure that if I tell one of my friends about this, they are unlikely to believe me. I have friends with whom I often communicate and go out somewhere. But at the same time, I consider myself an introvert.

I like to do something alone. I never seek someone else's approval, and I am very sad when I notice that most of those around me behave like children: they are waiting for an adult who will come and tell them what is good and what is bad, what is possible and what is not.

Do I feel lonely? Yes sometimes. But not as often as my extroverted friends: they are driven into a real panic by the thought that they will have to go somewhere alone, while I can quite safely go to the cinema or theater alone and even go on a trip alone …

I love being in the company of other people, but I always remember that I myself can be a good company.

Introversion is an enemy and a friend

My introversion is my worst enemy when I'm surrounded by people, and my best friend when I'm alone.

My father changed jobs often, and we had to move to different cities. I changed many schools, and in each of them I immediately became a "strange uncommunicative girl."

I never really developed relationships with others, plus everything I was the only child in the family, and my parents were too busy with their careers, and they had no time for me.

I often had internal dialogues. From the outside I looked like a quiet and lost puppy, but who would have known what debates were going on in my head non-stop! I thought a lot, noticed a lot, was an inquisitive and observant child.

I spent my free time reading books, solving puzzles, or just daydreaming. As I have already mentioned, it was difficult for me to get along with my peers, as, however, it is difficult to this day.

But I do not regret anything - I accept myself for who I am, and I can call myself a happy person.

Communication with others is an exam for me

I am an introvert and I can also call myself a shy person.

Conversation is like an exam for me

I am always worried. I go over what I’m about to say a thousand times over in my head. It always seems to me that I said something wrong. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing a role.

It often exhausts me, and after such conversations, all I want is to go home and be alone.

I hate parties

Especially if a lot of people I don't know gather there. I have no idea where to start a conversation with a stranger. And even if I decide to start, I can hardly support him.

It's hard for me to ask for something

I have always found it difficult to ask for help, so I prefer to deal with everything alone. What help is there - sometimes I hesitate to even call my friends and invite them for a walk.

I like to be alone

I often go to the movies alone. I like to sit in a cafe alone and read a book. I like to walk in the park in good weather and just watch people.