Sexual communication: how to tell your partner about your desire

1. Tell it straight

The guessing game in bed usually ends in failure, if not disappointment. Therefore, it is better to voice your preferences directly and without hesitation.

For example, start with what you like about your sex life and then come up with a new idea to improve it.

Another option is to express your pleasure in the correct actions of your partner right during sex. Positive reinforcement works flawlessly.

2. Take action

Actions are clearer than words. So take the risk of showing your partner your desire.

The first way is to show exactly how you like it. Try kissing your partner the way you want, and then ask him to repeat. Or take his hand and point it in the right direction. Try to show approval or pleasure at this moment - this way you will confirm the other half in the idea that these actions need to be included in sexual use.

The second way is to show your sexual fantasy, but not too seriously.

As a rule, something that you can laugh at together will cause less embarrassment later on.

Let's say you want to try a fire escape RPG. Explaining in depth how things look in your head will only add to the pressure on your partner. And, most likely, they will not lead to the expected ending.

As a comic alternative (option for women), put on sexy lingerie, a firefighter's helmet (an alternative fire extinguisher will work), play a video of a campfire, and shyly ask your partner, "Is there a fire here?" It sounds silly, but in this way you will reduce the degree of stress and share your imagination without further ado.

3. Take care of the sex lumen

The best way not only to tell your partner more about your desires, but also to learn something new yourself is to learn. A good joint practice in this case is reading books.

For starters, you can choose reading material that reflects your sexual interests so that your partner learns more about the subject, or find a universal guide that touches on different aspects of sex. Get in the habit of reading at least a couple of chapters together before bed, and then discussing what you read. So you not only diversify your intimate life, but also get a new joint hobby.

You can find the right book yourself or start with one of these:

“Yes! Secrets of Love for Two, Mantak Chia, Rachel Abrams, Douglas Abrams.
The Bible of Sex by Paul Joanides.
“Enlightened sex. Something completely different,”David Deida.
“How to Become a Great Lover,” Lou Page.
“How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure,” Lou Page.

4. Test the light version of your desire

If you are worried that your fantasy may seem too extreme to your partner, try to test the waters first.

Do you dream about BDSM? Don't put on a latex suit right away or grab a whip. Start with flip flops and a light hold (yes, a silk scarf like in Basic Instinct will work great). Do you want to try tantric sex, but are afraid that your partner will consider it mystical nonsense? Choose a simple breathing exercise from tantra and suggest doing it before foreplay.

If you notice that your partner enjoys the new experience, try to go further. In the end, it may turn out that you secretly dreamed about the same thing.

Do not be shy about your desires. By implementing them, you make your joint sex life fuller and more vibrant and enhance the intimacy in your couple. So less secrets, more fun!