How the desire to be strong and independent can turn against you

Why it is dangerous to be strong and independent

Psychologists believe that there is a direct correlation between the level of satisfaction with life and the ability, in case of difficulties, to trust other people, rely on them.

In the opposite direction, this also works: if a person violently proves his status as strong and independent, he risks being isolated, which in turn can lead to depression. But this is not the only problem.

This leads to burnout

“Since I am independent, I have to do everything myself. Do not ask for help, do not delegate tasks, do not try to make them easier. Those who take independence literally are guided by this logic. And so they really try to proudly pull the strap all alone at work and at home, refuse help, do not allow themselves to relax.

This leads to tremendous fatigue, emotional stress and, ultimately, to burnout, when there is not enough strength even for elementary tasks. Because to take on everything and live with the feeling that no one will take this burden off you, and it’s really very hard.

It takes away interesting opportunities

People who never ask for help are less likely to make good connections, learn something new, or get an interesting offer.

For example, a person is looking for a job. He can immediately go to the site with vacancies, or he can first ask around from friends, ask subscribers in social networks and ask them to repost his resume. It is quite possible that word of mouth will lead him to a good employer who just needs a new employee, but prefers to look for him among “his own”. And the "independent" candidate would never have come up with this proposal if he had not asked his friends for help.

This increases the risk of being alone

In no case should you depend on other people, not only financially, but also emotionally. And any close relationship is a real addiction. You no longer fully belong to yourself, you become more vulnerable, plans and goals need to be adjusted in accordance with the goals and plans of your partner.

A person who painfully wants to be independent can reason like this and will carefully avoid intimacy. This means that he runs the risk of building such a thick wall around himself that no one can break through it.

This increases the chances of error

Strong and independent people prefer not to consult with anyone and rely only on their own mind and their knowledge. At the same time, they can miss something important and make a serious mistake, “mess things up”.

Let's say a person wants to buy a house and chooses it himself, without consulting friends who already have this experience, or with consultants who help to check the property and choose the right one. Everything may end well, but there is a risk that the person will be deceived, for example, after the purchase, serious technical flaws or problems with documents will be revealed. And all this could have been avoided if someone had looked at the situation with a fresh, clean look.

It makes it difficult to give free rein to feelings

Independent means no whining, no snot and weakness. You cannot admit that you feel bad and sad, you need to hold your tail with a pistol, behave according to the principle of "smile and wave" and generally show in every possible way that you have everything under control.

The only problem is that blocking negative emotions can lead to depression and other mental disorders.

What it means to be addicted and why it's not always bad

There is nothing terrible in moderate dependence on other people; it does not make a person weak and useless for anything. Being moderately dependent on someone does not mean sitting on his neck and refusing to solve his problems on his own.

In fact, this is the ability to trust another person, rely on him, ask him for support and help if needed, admit that you are not omnipotent, that you have the right to unstuck, not know something, not cope with the situation.

And this approach, according to psychologists, has its advantages.

You take some of the burden off yourself when you ask for help or delegate tasks.
You increase your efficiency by collaborating with others.
You can learn a lot and gain valuable experience.
You make your relationship stronger and deeper because you behave more openly and learn to trust your partner.