What to do if the boss is a narcissist

How to tell if your boss is a narcissist

People with narcissistic personality disorder tend to devalue others, but idealize themselves and believe in their own superiority. Psychologists identify 15 Signs of a Narcissistic Boss & How to Deal With Them / Choosing Therapy several characteristics of narcissists. If your boss has at least some of them, he is most likely of this type.

1. He constantly talks about himself and loves to be the center of attention

A narcissistic boss is obsessed with his appearance, wealth, talent, or achievement and constantly comments on it. He expects that during the conversation, everyone else will also pay attention to this and confirm his peculiarity.

2. He demands praise

Such outwardly self-confident bosses are often vulnerable and have fragile self-esteem. They believe in their own greatness, but they need constant reinforcement of this faith from other people. Therefore, they expect and even demand constant attention, praise and admiration from colleagues.

3. He has limitless ambitions

A narcissistic leader puts his dreams and ambitions first and expects others to do whatever it takes to get him what he wants. He constantly fantasizes about the opportunity to be the best, and if he fails, he becomes enraged, breaks down on colleagues, deeply disappointed, goes into depression.

4. He uses people for his own benefit

Such a boss is confident that other people should provide him with services and immediately fulfill his requests without question. He uses people primarily to meet his needs. And if someone is in no hurry to serve him, the narcissist can get angry, show passive aggression, and even take revenge.

Many people are drawn to narcissists anyway, finding them attractive, charismatic, unusual. Therefore, more often than not, a narcissistic boss has no problem getting people to do what he needs to do.

5. He is jealous of others

Such a person is obsessed with fantasies about success, strength, beauty, an ideal partner and is sure that he should have all the best - a house, a car, clothes and other things confirming his high status. This helps him to drown out inner emptiness and shame, to feel special. And he will suffer if someone is better than him.

Moreover, because of low self-esteem and the need to surpass others, the narcissistic leader sees a threat in people who have what he does not have. And he may begin to take revenge.

6. He doesn't have compassion

Such a person is not able to empathize, recognize the needs and feelings of other people. He does not accept the fact that subordinates may have their own difficulties. And even if he realizes this, he still does not understand why colleagues do not change in accordance with his needs.

7. He loves competition

In the worldview of a narcissistic leader, there are only winners and losers, and he seeks to win by any means and manipulation. He will go over the heads to surpass everyone, and will never accept the success of another person.

8. He does not tolerate criticism and remembers long-term grievances

Because of their fragile ego, the narcissist reacts sharply to criticism that he does not deserve. To any comments that shed light on his insecurity or shortcomings, to refusals and insubordination, he reacts with a flash of rage, because he perceives it as a personal offense. He takes revenge on colleagues who insult or disapprove of him, fail to do errands, and don't give him what he wants.

What to do if the boss is a narcissist

Working with a narcissist is difficult, but not impossible. Such a leader has courage, can lead, and is able to make a difference when needed. Experts in psychology and business management advise How to Work for a Narcissistic Boss / Harvard Business Review to use some tricks to get along with him.

1. Celebrate his merits

The narcissist boss needs attention and admiration, so point out his strengths, but without lying and sycophancy.

Thomas Chamorro-Premuzic Professor of Business Psychology at University College London, commentary for

Narcissists want people to love them and will believe any flattering judgment. Don't suck up, but do a subtle compliment to your boss when you're alone with him. Be neutral and diplomatic.

2. Defend your boundaries

Narcissists violate your privacy, make you work overtime without pay, write and call after hours. To defend boundaries, you must learn to say no politely but firmly. However, according to Seven Ways of Detecting and Dealing with Narcissistic Bosses / Intrepid Mental Wellness, PLLC doctors at the Denver Mental Health Clinic, your actions must match the words. If you give in at least once, you will have to work hard to restore this border.

3. Help your boss grow

The narcissist is always thinking about his own benefits, so offer him opportunities that are good for his professional growth, and in work discussions, start from how this affects the image and career of the boss.

Michael Maccoby Psychoanalyst, anthropologist, management consultant, founder and president of the Maccoby Group consulting company, comment for

Your boss doesn't care what is good for the company. However, if you can demonstrate that a certain strategy portends disaster or victory specifically for him, you are much more likely to convince him. Narcissists are constantly trying to figure out what any situation means to them.

4. Document everything you do

Narcissistic bosses often “forget” or deny their words and actions, causing you to question your own abilities and competence.

To avoid this, psychologists suggest Seven Ways of Detecting and Dealing with Narcissistic Bosses / Intrepid Mental Wellness, PLLC to record everything the manager says. Document the date, time, instructions, and other important facts. Use email and instant messengers as often as possible with your boss. Repeat and clarify what he said: let him know that you are writing down the correct information.

5. Don't spread gossip

Narcissistic leaders see enemies everywhere and gather information about themselves. Keep this in mind and avoid gossip because your boss will recognize it anyway.

Thomas Chamorro-Premuzic

Be as neutral as possible when your boss's name is mentioned in a conversation, and never e-mail anything about him.

6. Don't challenge your boss

The worst thing you can do with a narcissistic leader is to criticize, challenge, or undermine their authority. “If you do, he will react aggressively and belligerently, he will take revenge,” warns How to Work for a Narcissistic Boss / Harvard Business Review Chamorro-Premuzic.

7. Be confident

Narcissists are domineering, categorical and arrogant. To cope with their pressure, cultivate your own confidence, seek support from loved ones. Psychoanalyst Laurie Hollman advises 15 Signs of a Narcissistic Boss & How to Deal With Them / Choosing Therapy to share your boss's concerns with those who can help you get through the stress.

Laurie Hollman Ph. D., psychoanalyst

Hear the informed opinion of others about your job, your character, and your goals for the future. Their words will help refute what you hear at work.

8. Find a hobby outside of work

The mood of the daffodils is like a swing and, unfortunately, you cannot control it. But you can control your attitude to this and find joy in life. Experts advise Seven Ways of Detecting and Dealing with Narcissistic Bosses / Intrepid Mental Wellness, PLLC to take care of yourself and find something outside of work that will be enjoyable.

9. Learn from your boss

Narcissists are brave, have a command of public speaking and can influence other people, so you can learn from How to Work for a Narcissistic Boss / Harvard Business Review their best qualities and expertise.

Thomas Chamorro-Premuzic

Observe how your boss makes an impression on others. Pay attention to his charisma and how articulate and confident he is under pressure and stress. Narcissists have the ability to inspire others, and this skill can be emulated.

10. Quit if you are tired of such a boss

Getting along with a narcissistic leader is difficult, and if the above tips don't help you, if you feel that the job isn't worth the effort, leave. According to How to Work for a Narcissistic Boss / Harvard Business Review psychoanalyst Michael McCoby, there is no need to sacrifice yourself when career growth is impossible in the company and your boss negatively affects your life. After all, you can always find another job.