"When I'm 30, he'll be almost 50." How age difference affects relationships

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Angelina met Denis when she was 16. But she had to hide her true age.

This article is part of the "" project. In it we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!

Falling in love sometimes brings not only butterflies in the stomach and endless happiness, but also social condemnation. Especially when the partners have a noticeable age difference. Rumors and unsolicited opinions can cripple relationships. But real feelings endure the onslaught of uncomfortable questions and skepticism.

We spoke with Angelina, who is dating an older partner, and found out what difficulties they had to face. The heroine told why she lied about her age, what her relatives thought about this relationship, and why the main thing is not the number of years lived in the world, but your feelings.

It seemed impossible to admit that I was still a schoolgirl

My story is not like a typical fairy tale plot in which a guy sits down with a girl on the subway and they charm each other. Everything is much simpler.

We met at work three years ago. I am a model, and I was invited to take part in the filming of a music video. It turned out to be typical: in the frame there are pretty girls, cool cars and the performers themselves. One of the cars belonged to a guy named Denis - it was the legendary Toyota Supra, which many know from the movie "Fast and Furious". The girls ran around her, squeaked, asked for a ride, but I didn't care: I never got stuck on cars and at that moment did not understand anything about them at all.

When the shooting lasted for the fifth hour, I went up to Denis and asked if I could sit in his car. My feet were already falling off from the heels, and in the parking lot of the shopping center where we were filming, there was not even anything to lean on. He allowed, and the typical pick-up stuff from the category "Well, did you like the car?" During the conversation, the guys asked about my age. I lied: I said that I was not 16, but 18 years old. Everyone around was so grown up, so it seemed impossible to admit that I was still a schoolgirl. I was sure that they would say to me: "Girl, what are you doing here at all?" - and sent home.

On the second day of filming, Denis announced that he would not be able to come. I did not care. It won't, and okay. But when we leaned out of the car hatch in one of the scenes, his Toyota Supra caught up with us at a traffic light.

After the end of filming, the guys decided to have dinner together and Denis offered to drive to the restaurant with him. I agreed. In the car, a conversation started, but I was constantly thinking about how not to freeze some stupidity. It seemed that he was such an adult and cool, and I was just a little girl. For some reason I didn't ask the exact age, but he looked about 25 years old. At the end of the evening, he asked to record his number and to the question "How to enroll you?" answered: "Future husband." It has been recorded in this way for three years already.

“When I became a first grader, Denis had already gone to university”

We began to communicate, correspond and see each other periodically. I was very nervous because I had to adhere to the legend about age and lie literally every day. I said that I go to couples at the university, but in fact I ran to school, worked as a promoter and did my homework in the evenings. It seemed that I would not have to confess, because the communication would soon fizzle out. Why does he need me at all? But month after month we continued to write off and keep in touch.

To be honest, I thought he was posing as a tough guy in order to dissolve the girl for intimacy and break up. This is the standard layout.

In general, I was mentally prepared for the fact that he wanted to use me: the period in my life was not the easiest one, so I just waited for everything to happen.

The first visit to Denis's home took place a month later and completely changed my attitude towards him. I spent the whole evening preparing, and he just hugged me and fell asleep. It was a shock for me, because I had no idea that this was possible. So the realization came that for him this was not just a fleeting flirtation - it seems that everything is serious.

At first Denis seemed cold and detached to me, but after a few months I felt that the ice had broken. He could come to me at two in the morning just to see me, showed concern, tried not to offend during quarrels and was the first to go to reconciliation. I began to fall in love, but at the same time I was afraid of this feeling. I didn't know how to admit that I was only 16 years old. There was not enough courage. I didn't want to lie to him, but at the same time I was afraid to say everything as it is.

On one of his trips to the cinema, Denis was asked to fill out a questionnaire to receive a bonus card. He agreed and began to write down his year of birth - 1988.

The realization that he is already 30 years old scared me. Such a big age difference simply did not fit in my head.

My dad is 7 years older than my mom and constantly makes fun of this: when she went to first grade with bows, he was already gluing girls. We have a difference of 14 years - when I became a first grader, Denis had already gone to university.

I began to probe the waters and ask leading questions about whether he had relationships with girls who are much younger than him. He replied that he had spoken with one girl, but immediately cut the connection when he found out that she was 16. He thought it would be better to step back so that they would not get lost for several years.

After that, I realized that now I definitely cannot admit it. Since he had already separated from a sixteen-year-old once, the same thing will happen to me. It's funny to remember, because I can imagine how I looked from the outside, but at that moment I was terribly scared and did not know at all what to do.

I retired from social networks and cried bitterly

Six months after the beginning of the relationship, we broke up. He still didn't know that I was 16 - it was not about age. It turned out that for two years before me he had no one, and then I appeared - a girl to whom feelings awoke. Everything began to develop rapidly, and he decided to slow down, because he was scared. I wrote something like: “Where did you fall on my head from? This is so serious and I'm afraid something will go wrong. Perhaps we'd better leave."

We stopped communicating - no messages, no calls. On the one hand, it was hard, but on the other, I exhaled, because I didn't have to admit to being deceived. However, it did not last long. A week later, we could not stand it, phoned and for the first time told each other that we loved.

I still didn't know how to confess at my age. Therefore, she continued to say that I was going to training, although she herself went to earn money as a promoter, for example, hand out prizes for checks in the supermarket.

Once we had a fight and he decided to meet me from the gym - to make a surprise. Of course, I was not there, and the phone turned off as luck would have it, so he could not get through either. Any person on emotions would think: "She's probably with another man or hanging out somewhere." I called him when I came home, and said that he just did not notice me, was distracted, and I just passed by. He replied that he went to practice and I was not there.

I hung up and realized that the moment had come when I needed to confess everything.

She sat down and wrote him a giant message in which she told about her age, asked for forgiveness for deceiving and said goodbye. I was sure that he would never forgive me. Then, out of emotion, she deleted all the pages on social networks and sobbed so hard that she could not even open her eyes.

It turned out that at that moment Denis was driving to me to discuss what had happened. He stopped at the entrance, read my message and already called to ask me to come down. At that moment I was crying like a madman and shouting: "Mom, ah, what should I do now?"

Until the last moment I didn’t want to go out, because I didn’t understand how I would look into his eyes, but in the end my mother practically pushed me out of the apartment. I remember how I sat and sobbed in the car, and he said: “So what? I thought that something serious happened - found someone else or cheated on me - and this is just age! It’s not good, of course, that I was deceiving, but I already fell in love with you, and your 16 years here will not change anything”.

I was shocked because I expected a completely different reaction. After this conversation, our relationship became as sincere as possible: we overcame the barrier with lies and completely opened up. I can tell him literally everything and understand that in front of me is not just a partner, but a best friend.

Many said that I fell for a wheelbarrow and sold myself

When I found out Denis's real age, I was afraid for a long time to tell my parents about it. At that time, I did not have a very good relationship with my mother, so we could not be confidential so that I would accidentally say: “Hey, I have an age difference with a guy of 14 years.” At some point, she asked where I was running away from home in the evenings, and I said that I had a young man. Mom found out the details about the age when we went on vacation together - we talked, established a connection, and I shared.

For several months my parents thought that I was hanging out in clubs, although at this time I was preparing a delicious dinner with Denis and fell asleep with him to the TV series.

When my friends found out that I started dating a grown man, they almost immediately stopped communicating with me. Many behind my back said that I fell for the wheelbarrow and sold out, and he was with me only because I was young. Perhaps I also thought in this way before, but now I understand that it is different.

And with Denis's friends, we immediately established contact: I am sociable, so there are no problems with new acquaintances. We often rest together, and no one discusses our age difference. The guys are adults and understand that any relationship is a private affair of two people.

Denis's meeting with my family happened on my birthday. He officially asked my parents for permission to meet with me, explained the situation and asked if they were against it. I was calm about what was happening and did not think that such an approach was necessary, but it turned out to be important for him to get the approval of loved ones. He said that if they were against, he would step back, since he did not need conflicts with his parents: it would be difficult to overcome them.

Mom and Dad gave the go-ahead and even signed a power of attorney for Denis when we went on vacation to Thailand. I think they wouldn't let me go with a peer, but here the situation is different. They understood that a 30-year-old man could take responsibility.

I am also on good terms with Denis's parents. His mother constantly says: “What a fine fellow you are, Angelina, such a mistress! I got a good daughter-in-law. We saw her almost in our third meeting with Denis at one of the car exhibitions. She came up from behind, hugged me, we chatted and quickly found a common language. I was surprised that at that moment his mother already knew about me. It turns out that Denis almost immediately shared his intentions with her. This means a lot, because men usually do not tell their family about the first they meet.

The only person who still doesn't know anything about our age difference is my grandmother. We told her that Denis is 25 years old, but she was even surprised by this and still laments: "What are you talking to him about?" I think he will find out already at the wedding - it will be better for everyone.

“At first I resisted and thought that Denis was manipulating me”

Three years have passed since the beginning of the relationship, but we only recently moved in - before the quarantine. There are no unsolvable problems because of age in our life. Except that at first, when I was 16, we could not visit some places together or check into one hotel room.

I can see the difference in character much more clearly. Denis is very calm - you need to try to bring him up. He is in no hurry and clearly plans each item. And I have a lot of energy and a lot of fuss. I'm constantly trying to do everything faster and somehow, and he says: "Calm down, think it over first."

From the point of view of interests, we do not differ much, but sometimes there are moments in which we do not understand each other. For example, he loves Decl, but I cannot listen to him. Or I throw some meme that I've been laughing at for three hours, and he replies: "Damn, Angelin, it's not funny at all." He also sticks to all sorts of magical things and extrasensory perception, and I think that theories about a flat Earth, reptilians and a huge dome instead of space are rather nonsense. But in general, there are no problems with mutual understanding. We are constantly discussing something, sharing news and talking non-stop.

The age difference in terms of communication is almost imperceptible. I think if this were not the case, then the relationship would not have started initially.

From the point of view of everyday life, there are differences, but they are all solvable. For example, I don’t like to clean, but he is neat. I understand that order is important, and I try to maintain it, but I do not think that you need to blow off every speck of dust as soon as it touches the surface. That is why we just share responsibilities. For example, Denis always washes shoes in our house.

The same applies to his attitude to his health: he approaches this issue more responsibly. If something hurts, then I hammer, and Denis immediately goes to the doctor and tries to solve the problem at the initial stage. He teaches me the same.

I'm also quite quick-tempered - and I admit it. I love to misunderstand, and it is difficult to stop me at these moments. When this happens, Denis usually says: “Okay, kindergarten has begun,” and I am even more furious when they hint to me that I am little. He has a similar trigger. Sometimes we walk and we can tell each other as a joke: "Oh, what a beautiful figure the girl has, just look!" At such moments, I usually laugh and continue the topic, and he starts to get annoyed with such jokes. If I say something like "Oh, what a handsome young guy!" - Denis sulks and answers: "Well, if you are young, then go - he will hang out with you."

We do have a difference in leisure preferences. A little more often I want to relax outside the apartment, and he loves cozy home evenings. We try to alternate so that both are comfortable. But in fact, I have learned to enjoy a relaxing holiday as well. I am grateful to Denis that I do not spend time in clubs, do not drink, do not smoke and study, unlike many of my peers.

He helped me to cultivate qualities that children at my age usually do not have: I became more responsible, found a purpose in life, and improved relationships with my parents.

When dating a partner who is older than you, he can steer you in the right direction. At first I resisted and thought that Denis was manipulating me, but after a while I realized that in many ways he was right. I learn from him every day, because his life experience is certainly greater than mine. He can support me both morally and informationally. For example, suggest what and where to buy, how to find something, where to write. It is a little easier for him, because he has already encountered something like this.

Since the beginning of our relationship, Denis has also changed. For example, at first he posed as a tough guy and never asked for forgiveness, even when he was guilty. He translated all serious conversations as a joke and pretended that nothing had happened. Over time, we learned to discuss important points for both, he began to apologize, and in general, the relationship became much more anxious. If earlier he also did not fully understand what he needed, now we have common goals and we feel that we are moving forward together.

Sometimes there are disagreements, but the feeling of love overrides everything

I understand that the older we get, the more obvious our age difference will be. When I am 30, he will be almost 50 years old. At first, this thought scared me a lot, because I realized that, being a fairly sociable person, I might want something new. At the age of 30, he is still full of energy, but he will already be, let's say, unbreakable.

To dispel doubts, I started looking at bloggers who have a big age difference with their partners, and I realized that there are really many such examples. Such situations have happened at all times, and people, despite different years of birth, live happily - common interests are always found.

I know a couple in which the relationship is built on complete trust. If a woman wants to relax, and a man wants to lie on the couch, then she can buy tickets to the sea and leave alone. This is in the order of things, because people feel each other and understand that one of them may just need rest. I was reassured by such stories. Moreover, the parents said that they had many acquaintances with the same difference and over the years everything was still fine.

In addition, some girls are trying to give birth as soon as possible, while age allows. Men have no problems with this: many only by the age of 40 settle down and start thinking about children. However, to be honest, I am no longer opposed to us becoming a full-fledged family. Many people say: “You want to get married as soon as possible and have a child as an object - you have no brains yet,” but I don’t think so. We just have the same psychological age and we both want it.

You shouldn't pay attention to age in a relationship: it doesn't matter. Of course, sometimes there are disagreements, but the feeling of love overrides everything. You forget about appearance, and about social status, and even more so about age. If you sincerely have tremulous feelings for each other, then due to age they will not go anywhere. And if they were not there, then it would not have worked out with a peer - it seems to me, the matter is not in the years lived.