10 wrong expectations that ruin relationships

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

So that reality does not disappoint, it is better to listen to your partner, and not the popular "wisdom".

1. Partners must understand each other perfectly

The notion that in a harmonious relationship one always knows what the other is thinking extends not only to romantic relationships. For example, parents often think that they see through their children, and then they are very surprised when it turns out that they did not know them at all.

In love unions, the belief that partners should understand each other perfectly is very harmful to both participants. First, it gives rise to grievances. Yes, you didn’t say anything to your partner, but he could have guessed what you meant. And if he or she can't read your mind, he or she may not love you that much.

Secondly, this stereotype makes it difficult to ask again when something is not clear to you. You have to see your partner through and through, and therefore it is better to guess what he meant than to show your inconsistency in telepathy.

Of course, couples who have been dating for some time begin to understand each other better and sometimes even guess thoughts. But it is still better not to neglect the gift that nature has given only to man - speech. In any disputable situation, explain or ask. This will help make life easier and remove many of the reasons for quarrels.

2. The partner will integrate into your family model

Our understanding of relationships does not form by itself. This is influenced by the parental family model, environment, mass culture. As a result, for example, a guy whose mother “took out” all life on her own expects the same from his girlfriend. Or, on the contrary, he grew up in a family of partner parents and now hears with bewilderment how his beloved demands from him to get a third job so that she can cook borscht at home.

It would seem that the idea that all people are different lies on the surface. But many ignore it when it comes to things familiar from childhood. Moreover, a familiar form of relationship can be uncomfortable for the person himself. However, instead of looking at what happens outside of it, he tries to fit himself and his partner into this Procrustean bed of habit. Finally, the situation itself does not look very fair, in which only one person has to adjust.

Of course, you can always find a lover with similar cockroaches in your head, and then the relationship will be simple and understandable. But it is much better to focus not on the usual framework, but on your feelings with your partner, gradually building a model of interaction that will appeal to both.

3. The partner is obliged to provide sex on demand

This expectation even has a name - conjugal duty. And often it is used without any irony: if one in a couple wants sex, the other is supposedly obliged to provide sex. There has been a lot of discussion about this topic lately, and many seem to have realized that non-consensual sex is violence, even when the participants are in a relationship.

However, the problem here is not only on the “customer's” side. He may not know that the partner does not want sex, because the other side may have the same delusions in his head that prevent him from refusing.

Moreover, contrary to popular belief, this is not only a woman's problem. The favored male image is the male who thinks about sex 24/7 and just can't say no. Therefore, it is difficult for a man to refuse, otherwise he will cease to correspond to this image. Although in fact he can get tired, feel bad, prefer more interesting things.

As a result, due to their own delusions, a person of either sex agrees to have sex, heroically endures, and then gets angry with a partner, although he has no idea what he was guilty of. The solution here is one - to talk and see in each other people, and not objects to satisfy needs.

4. Partners spend all the time together

In a well-known joke, we are talking about the fact that the family replaces everything, so you need to decide which is more important: everything or the family. And in life, some people in serious relationships want their partners to spend all their time with them.

And it doesn't look like this: “You are fond of sword fighting and macrame weaving. I will try to get carried away with this too, so that we go to classes together. " Usually the opposite happens: "I am not interested in sword fighting and macrame, so you will not do this anymore." As a result, the partners sit on the sofa in front of the TV, and from the general activities they have only food. They have lost their personal interests, but they have not acquired joint interests.

Relationships should become a part of life, not replace it. So nothing criminal will happen if you don't spend all your free time together. Quality is more important here than quantity.

5. Partners in harmonious relationships do not quarrel

It seems that scandals are the lot of unhappy couples. Happy people simply agree on everything with a smile, without raising their voices, and always find a compromise. Of course it is not.

No matter how much you love each other, you will periodically quarrel, lose control, say hurtful words and even shout. It is much more important how you resolve conflicts, whether you admit mistakes, whether you are ready to ask for forgiveness and do everything so that you no longer swear about the same thing.

6. The partner will definitely change

Thanks to your efforts, after the wedding or after the birth of a child - in any case, this is one of the most dangerous delusions that makes you not only get involved in initially failed relationships, but also develop them without getting any return.

Usually in the position of a person who is trying to remake a partner, but while he suffers and suffers his shortcomings, there is a lot of sacrifice. It is customary to feel sorry for such a person. But let's look from the other side: it turns out that he fell in love with the image in his head and is now trying to fit another to fit it. Moreover, he believes that he has every right to do so. Doesn't sound very pretty, does it?

The idea that to love is to accept a person with all the flaws is utopian. If something in him annoys, you will periodically experience negative emotions about it. But already at the start it is better to understand whether you can continue the relationship if your partner never changes.

It's not even that people don't change - that just happens. But a person does this when he wants to, and not always in the direction in which you expected.

7. The partner must stop communicating with the opposite sex

Sometimes partners are urged to stop any contact with people of the opposite sex. Sometimes, the demands reach the point of absurdity, for example, remove all women or men from friends on social networks or move to another job where the team is gender homogeneous. The logic here is: “You have already found your mate, then why do you need to communicate with the opposite sex? And if you still want it, then you are looking for a replacement."

Fortunately or unfortunately, but, unlike genders, of which there are several more, there are only two sexes on Earth: male and female. And from childhood, a person builds relationships with representatives of both. It is rather strange to assume that he communicates with all people of the opposite sex solely because of an intimate interest. There are, after all, family ties and job descriptions that make this necessary, and no one has canceled the friendship.

If jealousy eats you up, then you need to fight with it, and not with the environment of your partner.

8. Your partner will never let you down

Trust is an important thing in a relationship. And it is perfectly normal to hope that a partner always acts in the common interest and can always be counted on. But sometimes he will make mistakes. This is not because he is bad or does not love you. He's just not a robot, but an ordinary person. Sometimes he will put himself first, show weakness, experience stress, hesitate in making decisions. And you, by the way, too.

Errors vary in scale. Some of them suggest that you need to remember the human nature of your partner and support him. For others, you will have to make a decision whether to forgive or not. But in any case, you should not demand from the chosen one to be perfect.

9. Relationships will solve all problems

In movies, love is the magic pill for everything. You get to know your soul mate and establish not only your personal life: issues with work are resolved, all illnesses go away, and the sun shines at least 12 hours a day. Therefore, when something goes wrong with people in life, they sometimes desperately seek love instead of dealing with existing problems.

Relationships can dramatically improve your life, but you don't need to expect supernatural things from them. The responsibility for the rest of your existence is still yours.

10. Relationships will never end

Let's take a marriage contract. People often do not sign it for superstitious reasons: "If we talk about divorce now, we will soon part." Often, for similar reasons, a will is not written. However, no one has yet managed to live forever, and there are only more problems without an appropriate document.

It's nice to think that you will never part. If you're lucky, it will be so, and no marriage contracts will change that. But to completely deny the likelihood that you may one day break up is naive and even dangerous, primarily from an economic point of view. A broken heart hurts, but an empty stomach won't ease the pain.

Therefore, it is good to agree on some issues before your relationship begins to deteriorate and you do not hate each other. For example, how will you divide the property and with whom the cat will stay. If these agreements never come in handy, so be it. But if you drift apart, you will at least have a plan of action for the near future.