Is friendship between a man and a woman possible?

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Even scientific research cannot provide a universal answer.

This article is part of the One-on-One Project. In it we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!

Why friendship between a man and a woman is questioned

According to polls, 82% of Russians have friends of the opposite sex. Among people aged 25–34, this figure reaches 92%; among those with higher education - 90%. It would seem that there is nothing to discuss here. However, the Internet is still under way. Can there be friendship between a man and a woman? - "Yandex. Q" discussions, and the question remains relevant.

Screenshot: "Yandex. Q"

Screenshot: "Yandex. Q"

Screenshot: "Yandex. Q"

However, there are not so many arguments why friendship between a man and a woman does not exist. In the end, there are three that follow from one another.

1. Friendship will surely grow into love or sex

This stereotype is actively spreading through movies and books. Even in the "profile" series "Friends", almost every character sooner or later was fond of his friend. In reality, of course, everything is somewhat more complicated. Sometimes friendship really grows out of love, and sometimes romantic relationships outlive themselves and transform into friendship. Or nothing happens - and people remain friends for many years.

2. Only one is friends, the other always feels more

The situation when one of the comrades is experiencing something more serious than friendly interest is indeed quite common. That, in principle, may not interfere with friendship, if the period of adolescent maximalism is left behind.

3. A man will not be friends with a woman if he does not like her romantically

That is, in any other sense, a woman cannot be interesting - what to talk to her about. And if a man needed friendship, he would be friends with another man.

What psychologists think about it

Experts do not doubt the existence of friendship between a man and a woman, but they believe that each relationship should be considered separately.

One cannot speak about this phenomenon impersonally. Friendship is the relationship of specific people. It arises on the basis of the similarity of characters, interests, hobbies, hobbies, mutual sympathy.

Oleg Ivanov psychologist, conflictologist, head of the Center for Settlement of Social Conflicts

Clinical psychologist Natalya Manukhina notes that if you look at the interpretation of the word "friendship" Friendship in dictionaries, there will not be a note on gender. But in the definition, closeness and trust will certainly be mentioned.

Friendship is defined as something valuable between same-sex people and between people of different sexes. Usually we are talking about a long-term, more than one year lasting relationship. At the same time, by the way, often one of the friends speaks about them confidently and firmly, and the other - with doubt or reluctance. That is, the recognition of a strong friendship is not necessarily mutual. But this, again, does not depend on gender.

Natalya Manukhina clinical psychologist, family consultant, candidate of psychological sciences

What the research says

The authors of one study in the United States interviewed students to find out the benefits and disadvantages of being friends with the opposite sex. It turned out that in men and women, the perception of such relationships is largely the same. They appreciated friends of the opposite sex for the opportunity to talk openly with them, to have dinner together, to receive information from them on how to behave with potential lovers.

Among the shortcomings, both men and women noted confusion in the status of relationships, as well as situations when one of them is in love, but does not reciprocate or cannot build their own romantic relationships, because friendship scares off potential partners.

But in the assessment of friendship with a representative of the opposite sex, differences were also revealed. For example, the possibility that such communication would flow into something more was seen by men as an advantage and women as a disadvantage. There was also a different reaction to the situation when one of the friends is in love, but his feelings are not mutual. Men in this position are more likely to feel rejected and used, while women are more likely to feel guilty. If friendships turned into sexual ones, men more often continued to call them simply friendship.

For another study, the researchers recruited 44 opposite-sex couples and asked them to talk about their relationships. It turned out that in such couples, men are much more likely to be attracted to women than vice versa. Moreover, men were much more likely to mistakenly believe that the other side shared these feelings. In fact, both sexes were inclined to believe that their aspirations were mutual: men thought that their girlfriends showed a romantic interest in them, women - that there was no such interest on the part of friends. And they all behaved according to their assumptions.

That is, on average, men are less likely to "just be friends" and are more often sure that if they feel sympathy, then it is mutual. On average, it means not always and not 100 percent of them.

In another study involving 90 people, men and women reported that, in general, friendship with their own sex is similar to friendship with the opposite. True, they both end up giving preference to comrades of the same gender, as they receive more help from them and feel more loyalty.

Gender stereotypes also contribute to friendly relations. Research shows that if one person sees another as unequal, they are less likely to interact with them. At the same time, those without gender bias can easily form friendships with members of the opposite sex.

Of course, this is far from all the studies that deal with friendship between a man and a woman. But it is important to understand that all these interesting observations characterize the situation on average and may not be applicable in particular cases.