Why we lose friends as we age

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Why now there is no one to communicate with and how to make sure that it does not only get worse.

We start making friends in elementary school. Gradually there are more and more of them, the social circle expands and reaches a plateau at 25-30 years old. After this mark, the connections begin to melt, and the number of friends decreases Friendships and Adaptation Across the Life Span by an average of 38%.

Let's try to figure out why this is happening and how you can cope with this problem.

How friendships change as we get older

In childhood, we are friends mainly with children from the class or neighbors. At this time, there are still no special interests, sincere conversations and intimacy. Children share Friendships and Adaptation Across the Life Span games and activities, learn to empathize with others and unite to achieve a common goal.

In adolescence (13–19 years old) we keep some friends from school years and make new ones. At this time, close peers partially replace our parents. There is spiritual closeness and mutual support, we learn to open up in front of another person, trust him and understand what he wants. Friendship also prepares teenagers for pairing.

In youth (19–30 years old) social ties reach their peak.

We lose some of our friends, but the broken contacts are more than made up for with new ones. Fellow students, first colleagues, partners, their friends and acquaintances - the circle of communication is wide and diverse.

And now, after 30 years, our ties are slowly beginning to evaporate. Teens spend 29% of their waking hours in Friendships and Adaptation Across the Life Span with friends, and at middle age this figure drops to a paltry 7%.

By the age of 65, 12–22% of people are left without friends at all. And although retirees have much more time for communication, many simply have no one to communicate with. Old connections are lost, and new ones are difficult to make.

Why friends get lost with age

There are several reasons why adults stop actively making new contacts and losing friendships.

Needs and goals of communication change

To teens and young adults, Social Network Changes and Life Events Across the Life Span: A Meta-Analysis seems to live forever. At this time, the priority is to collect information about the world, and for this purpose, a variety of social contacts are best suited. Young people communicate with everyone in a row, easily make acquaintances and strive for peers.

The picture changes with age. People realize that life is finite and that it should be spent on something pleasant. The number of friends begins to decline: only those who provide emotional closeness and warmth remain. The rest are ruthlessly expelled from the social circle.

Priorities shift to family

At first, marriage expands Friendships in Young and Middle Adulthood, the circle of communication: people become closer to friends and relatives of the spouses. However, over time, priorities shift to the family. The spouse provides the person with what he previously received from friends: he becomes a partner in entertainment, satisfies emotional needs - gives support and consolation, helps mentally and physically.

With the birth of children, this effect only increases. A small child takes a lot of time, the circle of interests varies greatly, especially when compared with childless friends. Often people are locked into a family, and friendships disappear by themselves.

There is no time left for communication

Like marriage, going to work can increase the number of friends. People often communicate with those who are somewhat similar to them: they share a view of the world, have similar interests and social status.

The likelihood of meeting such a person at work is quite high Social Network Changes and Life Events Across the Life Span: A Meta-Analysis.

At the same time, old friends are gradually disappearing - due to a lack of time and a growing chasm in interests and status.

Life circumstances interfere

In 68% of cases, friendships in middle age end by accident, due to the circumstances of Friendship in Later Life: A Research Agenda, such as moving. Only 25% of people deliberately end a relationship, usually because of betrayal.

Also, such circumstances include accidents: the death of a sibling, spouse or child. After a traumatic event, bonds with friends can be weakened by grief and reluctance to keep in touch.

A series of circumstances and a lack of time leave us without close friends. This is natural, but there is nothing good about it. After all, friendship is necessary for a person no less than healthy sleep and sports.

Why friendship is needed at any age

From childhood, friendship determines our health and well-being. Friendships and Adaptation Across the Life Span are more interested in learning and doing better in school subjects than single guys. Emotional closeness with peers increases self-confidence and reduces the risk of depression.

In middle age, friendship still means a lot to a person. Although positive, Negative, and Ambivalent Interactions With Family and Friends: Associations With Well-being have a stronger impact on mental health, bonding with friends is right after them and is more important than communication with relatives.

In old age, close relationships and social support help Trajectories of cognitive decline and social relations to maintain cognitive functions, and social isolation, on the contrary, worsens Friendship in Later Life: A Research Agenda health and quality of life.

This was confirmed by the Grant Study, a 75-year large-scale study What does it take to live a good life? Lessons from the longest study on the happiness of living over seven hundred men from different social classes, trying to understand what actually makes people happy and healthy.

It turned out that those who have a strong connection with family, friends and their community live happily and retain good health and memory longer than those who were left alone or dissatisfied with their relationships.

Try not to lose your friends: loneliness kills.

How not to be alone

The only way to improve anything in any area of life is to take the time to do it. And friendship is no exception.

Maintain old relationships

Friendship is not static Friendship in Later Life: A Research Agenda: it is formed, maintained, and disintegrated. At any moment in life, the intimacy between people can increase, decrease or remain unchanged, and at what level your relationship will be, depends on the investment.

Meet with friends, call them, take an interest in their life. Try doing something together that is important to both of you. For example, running together in the mornings, going to the movies on weekends, doing something good, or just getting together for a cup of coffee once a week, but - definitely! - no gaps.

Change the environment to create new connections

Social Network Changes and Life Events Across the Life Span: A Meta-Analysis of the social convoy states that throughout our lives we are accompanied by a group of people that changes depending on the circumstances. Each change in the environment in the future can bring you new friends.

Start a new hobby: sign up for a master class, go to group classes at the gym, find communities of interest in your city. You can find a friend at any age, and the older you get, the more meaningful and deeper your new relationship will be.