What a woman should do if she's faced with domestic violence

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

A detailed guide for those who find themselves in a difficult situation.

What is Domestic Violence?

This is a cruel and rude relationship between close people - husband and wife, parent and child, partners in a civil marriage, cohabitants in homosexual couples. These are not ordinary family quarrels over unwashed dishes, but gratuitous scandals and outbursts of aggression that repeat themselves according to the same scenario at least twice and become more frequent over time.

Domestic violence is not only assault, but also forced sex, constant abuse and psychological pressure. It is based not on some problem that the partner wants to solve, but on the desire to suppress and control a family member.

For a domestic rapist, aggression is a way to show Neither law nor justice: violence against women in Russia has its power, so it is impossible to please him, no matter how hard you try.

Domestic violence is subject to domestic violence against women and men, both children and elderly parents. But most often women encounter it: in Russia - every fifth Situation in Russia. Despite the beatings and humiliation, victims of domestic violence often do not seek help - because of love, fear of revenge, the foundations of society, or a desire to save their families at any cost. Sometimes this leads to tragedy: 38% of women who died violent deaths are victims. WHO: Violence against women, their husbands and lovers. Those who try to defend themselves are convicted of causing grievous bodily harm or murder of an aggressor husband.

How to distinguish domestic violence from ordinary fights?

Sometimes it is not easy to do this: aggression develops Domestic violence against women cyclically, so from time to time the relationship is improving. A prolonged period of tension is replaced by an act of acute violence: fits of anger, destructive emotions, or assault. After that comes the "honeymoon": the man repents, becomes tender and loving. Then everything is repeated.

Over time, fits of anger become more frequent and periods of peace become shorter. Women who have been subjected to violence hide it from themselves and try to adapt to the situation: "Tolerate - fall in love", "Hits - means love." They hope that the relationship will improve, and try to please their partner in everything, but a miracle does not happen.

What to do in such a situation?

1. Tell your loved ones about the problem

Report domestic violence to those you trust: parents, friends, or a colleague. If you remain silent about it, you will not have witnesses who can confirm what is happening. Don't be afraid to speak up: you will receive support and help.

Household tyrants usually seek to isolate the victim, cut off their social ties, and deprive them of outside support. In this regard, the worst strategy is not to wash dirty linen in public. If you are afraid for your life and health, then you have to overcome fear and shame and do the following:

• Screaming when they pounced on you. Neighbors can then confirm that they heard your screams and the sounds of a struggle.
• Tell relatives and friends about what is happening. They can offer significant help right away or at least later, at the time of litigation, confirm that your problems began a long time ago.

2. Get help

If you do not want to tell your loved ones about the problem, call the free helpline: 8-800-7000-600. Experts will advise you on how to act in your situation and help you cope with it.

You can also contact centers and funds to help women victims of domestic violence. The nearest organization can be found on the map.

3. Make a plan for your own salvation

If you are afraid of your partner and fear for your life and health, consider a retreat plan. He will help you to escape in the event of the next incident of violence.

Hide spare house keys, some money, necessary phone numbers, documents (passport, documents for children, marriage certificate), necessary clothes and medicines in an accessible place for you. These things should be laid out so that you can pick them up and leave without delay.

Decide which of the valuable items you will take with you. If money is urgently needed, it can be sold or pledged.

Arrange in advance with friends and family about the possibility of hiding with them in case of danger. Ask your neighbors for help: if they hear screams and noise from your apartment, have them call the police.

How to behave during an incident?

Act for safety reasons: you need to keep your life and health. Sometimes it is better to run, sometimes to shout, sometimes to provoke as little as possible. Aggressors react differently to the victim's actions, so there is no universal advice on how to behave.

If possible, turn on the voice recorder or video recording on your smartphone and record the facts of violence or threat. If the situation is critical, run away from home, even if you did not have time to take the necessary things, and if it does not work out, call the police.

It is likely that you will not be able to call: in the midst of a conflict, you will not have time for this, and the call can further anger the aggressor. If you have the courage, you can defend yourself and fight back with your partner, but there are nuances.

By law, you can defend yourself in any way if there is an immediate threat to life. For example, if you are attacked with a knife, you can defend yourself from the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. Article 37. Necessary defense. whatever, even if you kill the attacker. If there is no danger to life, you need to correlate the consequences of the attack with your response. To respond with a knife strike on the face is exceeding such limits.

Daria Tretyakova Master of Private Law, Attorney of the CA "Yurproekt"

Unfortunately, these norms work very poorly in practice. An example of this is the case of the Khachaturian sisters. Three girls accused The Khachaturian sisters were finally charged with the murder of their father. in the planned murder of a father who for years abused and coerced his daughters into sexual acts. They face eight to 20 years in prison. There are two main reasons for such situations:

• Most often, domestic violence occurs without witnesses, and no one believes the victim's word.
• The police and the court are not inclined to deeply understand the situation. They often take the path of least resistance and condemn the victim for premeditated murder.

What to do after?

You need to record the beatings, file a report with the police and tell your loved ones about what happened. Do not hide the problem: your humility and patience will not help. No matter how hard you try to please your partner, incidents will be repeated: often the abuser does not need a special reason to insult or beat the victim.

Many are afraid to go to the police because they want to keep their family together for the sake of the child. But everyone suffers from violence, including children.

If the child sees how the father mocks the mother, it becomes a serious shock for him. Children in such families can suffer WHO: Violence against women from mental health problems and be themselves abused by their parents.

The sequence of your actions after the incident can be different:

• If the danger has passed, but you feel bad, you are bleeding, you are dizzy, call an ambulance. Tell the doctor about the circumstances of the incident and do not hide the injuries. He will enter information about the beatings and the assistance provided in the medical record.
• If there is no danger, and there are only abrasions and bruises from the damage - record this in the emergency room and go to the police to file a statement (make a copy of the document and enter your data). Insist that you be given a notice of acceptance of your application.
• If the abuser has temporarily calmed down, but you are still in danger, try to quietly call the police (calls are recorded, so you will have proof of the fact of violence), write to a loved one with a request to come or leave the apartment.

Make copies of all documents and keep them in an inaccessible place in case the originals are “lost”. Take pictures of your injuries and ask them to attach them to the case.

If the police refuse to accept the application, call the hotline number, which is indicated on the information stand in the department, and complain about the officer you were at. In addition, you can file a complaint with the prosecutor's office about police inaction.

Daria Tretyakova Master of Private Law, Attorney of the CA "Yurproekt"

How to get away from a rapist?

Women who have experienced domestic violence feel extremely depressed and helpless. After a long relationship, victims may develop Stockholm syndrome - a feeling of pity for the abuser. It is important to understand that you are not alone, that everything can be changed - you just need to gain strength and courage.

Make sure it's safe to do so before leaving the abuser. Don't tell your partner your intentions and proceed with caution. As a rule, the aggressor reacts inadequately to such news and can tie you up, lock you up, inflict new injuries on you or even kill you.

Seek support from people close to you or from victims of domestic violence. These institutions will provide psychological assistance, help to draw up applications, file for divorce, get children's things and medicines. Some of the largest aid centers are "" and "" in Moscow, "" in Yekaterinburg, "" in Kazan, "" in Novosibirsk.

Maybe you will still be able to change your partner and keep the family?

It all depends on how the aggressor perceives his behavior. If he does not admit guilt, considers violence to be the norm and turns the arrows on you, such a relationship will not change for the better. The abuser will continue to use force and abuse against you, because it is a vital necessity for him. This is how he proves his power over you.

You can try to keep the family together if the partner understands that he is behaving incorrectly and wants to change. In this case, he will need the help of a psychotherapist to learn how to control his behavior.

Is it possible to understand in advance that a person is prone to violence?

Yes, there are warning signs before your relationship has gone too far. Be wary if your partner:

• pathologically jealous and justifies by this their control over you;
• prohibits meeting with friends and relatives;
• monitors who you communicate with and reads your correspondence;
• asks or forces you to do what you do not like;
• does not admit his guilt and blames you for everything;
• abuse children and animals;
• is aggressive and rude to you, insults or humiliates you;
• is rude in sexual preferences and does not ask your opinion on this matter;
• threatens with beatings or murder;
• promises to commit suicide if you leave him;
• subject to sudden mood swings and outbursts of irritability;
• does not want you to work and look for work (“the wife should stay at home”);
• criticizes everyday little things (cooking, how you dress or paint);
• controls your expenses and makes you accountable for the money spent;
• responds inadequately to your opinion, so you are afraid to express it.

Violence is believed to be more likely to manifest WHO: Violence against women Men who have experienced childhood abuse and have witnessed violence against their mother. Other factors include low educational attainment, alcohol abuse, and tolerance for human abuse per se.