10 tips to strengthen your relationship

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

True love is the constant work of both partners.

Popular author Mark Manson asked his blog readers for advice on relationships. More than 1,500 people wrote to him about their experience. And using this material, Mark deduced the basic rules of sustainable relationships.

However, first it is worth remembering the reasons why they should not be started at all:

• Pressure from family or friends.
• Loneliness.
• Naive love. When it seems that love is the solution to all problems and the only meaning of life.
• Self-doubt or complexes. This inevitably leads to an unhealthy relationship: we love our partner only as long as they help us feel better. And in such conditions, real intimacy cannot appear.

1. Be realistic

True love is not at all like romantic love, which makes us ignore the flaws in our partner. It's a choice. This is the constant support of another person, regardless of the circumstances. It is understanding that your relationship will not always be cloudless. It’s the need to deal with your partner’s problems, fears and thoughts, even when you don’t feel like it at all.

Such love is more prosaic, it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. After all, in the end, it brings real happiness, and not another short-lived euphoria.

2. Respect each other

This is the main thing in a relationship. Not attraction, not common goals, not religion, not even love. There will be times when it starts to feel like you don't love each other anymore. But if you lose respect for your partner, you won't be able to get him back.

Communication, no matter how open and frequent it may be, will in any case come to a standstill. Conflicts and grievances cannot be avoided.

The only thing that will help save your relationship is unwavering respect. Without this, you will always doubt each other's intentions, condemn the choice of a partner and try to limit his independence.

Besides, you also need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you can't feel like you deserve your partner's respect. You will constantly try to prove that you are worthy, and as a result, you will only harm your relationship.

• Never complain about your partner to your friends. If you are unhappy with something about his behavior, discuss it with him, rather than with friends and family.
• Respect that your partner may have interests, hobbies, and views that are different from yours.
• Consider the opinion of your half. Remember, you are one team. If one person is dissatisfied, it means that you need to look for a solution to the problem together.
• Do not keep everything to yourself, discuss any problems. You shouldn't have taboo topics of conversation.

Respect is directly related to trust. And trust is the foundation of any relationship (not just romantic). Without it, there can be no feeling of closeness and calmness.

3. Discuss all problems

If something doesn't suit you, be sure to discuss it. No one will improve your relationship for you. The main thing for maintaining trust is absolute honesty and openness of both partners.

• Share your doubts and fears, especially those you don't tell anyone else about. This will help not only heal some mental wounds, but also better understand your partner.
• Keep your promises. The only way to restore trust is to keep your word.
• Learn to distinguish between your partner's suspicious behavior and your own complexes. Usually, during quarrels, one person thinks that his behavior is completely normal, while to another it seems absolutely wrong.

Trust is a bit like a china plate. If it falls and breaks, then with great difficulty it can still be glued again. If you break it a second time, there will be twice as many fragments, and it will also take more time and effort to put them together. But if you drop the plate over and over again, in the end, it will split into such small pieces that it will be impossible to glue them together.

4. Don't try to control each other

We often hear that relationships require sacrifice. There is some truth in this: sometimes you really have to give up something. But if both partners constantly sacrifice themselves, they are unlikely to be happy. In the end, such a relationship will only harm both of them.

Each person should be an independent person with their own views and interests.

Trying to control your partner to make him happy (or allowing him to control your own actions) is not going to get you anywhere.

Some are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. This may be due to lack of trust or lack of self-confidence. The less we value ourselves, the more we will try to control our partner's behavior.

5. Be prepared for both of you to change

Over time, you and your partner will change - it's completely natural. Therefore, it is important to always be aware of the changes taking place and to treat them with respect.

If you plan to spend several decades together, you need to be prepared for difficulties and unforeseen situations.

Significant changes that many couples face include a change in religion and political views, a move to another country, or the death of relatives (including children).

When you start dating, you only know who this person is now. There is no way you can know what it will be like in five or 10 years. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. Of course, this is not easy. But the ability to quarrel correctly can help here.

6. Learn to quarrel

Psychologist John Gottman has identified four behavioral traits that indicate a possible break in a relationship:

1. Character criticism ("You are stupid" instead of "You acted stupidly").
2. Shifting the blame.
3. Insults.
4. Avoiding quarrels and ignoring your partner.

Therefore, it is worth learning how to quarrel correctly:

• Do not recall previous scandals during one quarrel. This will not solve anything, but will only aggravate the situation.
• If the fight is heating up, stop. Go outside and walk a little. Return to the conversation only when you cool down.
• Remember, being right in an argument is not as important as feeling that you have been listened to with respect.
• Don't try to avoid quarrels. Express your pain and confess what bothers you.

7. Learn to forgive

Don't try to change your partner - this is a sign of disrespect. Accept that you have disagreements, love the person despite them, and try to forgive.

But how do you learn to forgive?

• When the fight is over, it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong. Leave all conflicts in the past, and do not remember them every month.
• No need to keep score. There should be no winners or losers in a relationship. Everything should be done and given free of charge, that is, without manipulation and expectation of something in return.
• When your partner makes a mistake, separate their behavior from their intentions. Don't forget what you value and love in your partner. Everyone makes mistakes. And if a person was mistaken, this does not mean at all that he secretly hates you and wants to leave.

8. Be pragmatic

Any relationship is imperfect because we ourselves are imperfect. Therefore, be pragmatic: determine what each of you is good at, what you love and dislike to do, and then assign responsibilities.

In addition, many couples advise defining some rules in advance. For example, how will you divide all expenses? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can each partner spend without consulting the other? What must be bought together? How will you decide where to go on vacation?

Some even conduct "annual reports" during which they discuss the conduct of business and decide what to change on the farm. This, of course, sounds trite, but this approach really helps to keep abreast of the needs and requirements of the partner and strengthens the relationship.

9. Remember the little things

Simple courtesies, compliments and support mean a lot. All of these little things accumulate over time and affect the way you perceive your relationship. Therefore, many advise you to keep going on dates, go out for the weekend, and be sure to find time for sex, even when you're tired. Physical intimacy not only keeps relationships healthy, but can even help mend them when things go wrong.

This becomes especially important with the advent of children. In modern culture, they are almost prayed for. It is believed that parents should sacrifice everything for them.

The best guarantee that children will grow up healthy and happy is a healthy and happy relationship between parents.

So let your relationship always come first.

10. Learn to catch a wave

Relationships can be compared to the waves at sea. Such waves are various emotions, ups and downs in a relationship. Some last only a few hours, others several months or even years.

The main thing is not to forget that these waves by themselves practically do not reflect the quality of the relationship. They are influenced by many external factors: loss or change of work, death of relatives, relocation, financial difficulties. You just need to catch the wave with your partner, wherever it takes you.