How to stop being shy about everyone and everything: 10 effective methods

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Modesty is not a vice, but excessive shyness can interfere with both your personal life and career.

The life hacker has collected specific and really working methods that will help you finally get out of the cocoon and start communicating normally with people.

1. Make a list of problem situations

It is better to start solving a problem with an analysis. Therefore, take the time to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel embarrassed. Be very specific. Instead of “talking to people,” indicate exactly which people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or those in power.

When you take a problem apart, it already seems to be more solvable.

Then try to arrange the recorded situations in order of increasing anxiety (most likely, calling a stranger causes less anxiety than speaking in front of an audience).

Going forward, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. By starting small, you will cope with increasingly difficult situations. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, accordingly, will decrease.

2. Record your strengths

Another list to help you combat embarrassment is about your positive qualities. Shyness is usually caused by low self-esteem. Fight her mercilessly, reminding yourself of your own magnificence (this is not a joke).

Try to find a downside even for flaws. It may be difficult for you to lead a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should be used too.

3. Decide on a goal

Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with life, but you need to explain to yourself what exactly it interferes with you. It is possible that the formulated goal will be the impetus for overcoming the old problem.

Eric Holtzclaw Serial entrepreneur, author of Laddering: Unlocking the Potential of Consumer Behavior, radio host

Despite the fact that I perform, write and host radio shows, at heart I am an introvert. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. This required me to get out of my shell and deliver a message to the world. I overcame shyness by realizing that only I can deliver my message correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make it easier for myself to speak in public and meet new people.

4. Exercise

Skills need to be honed, and habits that interfere with life must be systematically eradicated. All this applies to sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.

• Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in your brain that is triggered in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go backwards and do the opposite of what you are used to. Want to hide in a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Caught yourself thinking that you are taking a defensive position in a conversation? Try asking the other person a few questions.
• Talk to strangers. Try to talk to one stranger at least once a day (preferably with a stranger). Most likely, you will never see it again, so feel free to hone your communication skills on it.
• In general, communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, agree to speeches, say hello to those you meet often but never greet.
• Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party but are afraid to approach him? Practice with people who are less embarrassing. When it comes to acquaintance, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the right person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
• And always get ready to speak publicly. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future audience success. This will give you confidence.

5. Focus on others

The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts away from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you focus on the other person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.

6. Try new things

Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will positively affect your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in the sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation workshops. Such activities help to liberate oneself.

7. Watch your body language

Making eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, and smiling and shaking hands firmly inform others of your confidence and openness. Not only that, with these signals you fool your brain a little and really start to feel more free.

8. Say "no" less often

Much has been said about the importance of the word “no”. But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed in both word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unfounded fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say yes to the opportunities life presents.

9. Learn to manage anxiety

Some of the physiological responses associated with shyness are difficult to overcome. Someone begins to stutter, someone blushes violently or forget the simplest words. It is almost impossible to stop this with one effort of will. The ability to quickly relax, for example, with the help of deep breathing, will help to cope with the problem.

10. Don't advertise your shyness

You should not focus your and others' attention on the fact that you have communication problems. So you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the belief that shyness is your constant trait.

Even if others notice your shyness, pretend that this is an accident, talk about it frivolously, and not as a serious problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, and not a reaction to stress. And never characterize yourself as shy in front of strangers. Let them form their own opinion and notice other, more interesting features of yours.