What is the danger of the race for self-development and how to get out of it

To say that you are not engaged in self-development is like admitting that you do not brush your teeth. It seems that it is not a crime, but it is no longer possible to be considered a decent person. If you are not busy 24/7 and allow yourself to lie in front of the TV instead of jogging or meditating, then you automatically become passive and unsuccessful. Not at all like the "right people" who draw the "balance wheel" and pump themselves like a character from a computer game. We figure out who demands self-development from us and why this is not always good.

What is behind the desire for self-development

1. We were told so

"Develop - or die!" - says the world famous motivational speaker Tony Robbins. Yes, people gave up to 500,000 rubles for a ticket to his performance. And he is far from the first and, of course, not the last in the chain of business trainers, coaches, experts and speakers who are trying to sell us the idea of self-development for the sake of self-development.

The roots of all these concepts, apparently, go to the idea of the American dream: the United States is a land of opportunity, and any American can be successful if he works hard and puts in enough effort. At the beginning of the 20th century, two books were published there, which became the foundation for the subsequent cult of success and self-development. These are The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace Wattles and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. And the author of the sensational book "Mystery" Rhonda Byrne was inspired by the first of them, published back in 1910.

And now we are reaping the fruits of those "trees" that were planted in America over 100 years ago.

They fall on our heads from hundreds, if not thousands, of books, articles and blogs. We look at successful people on the Internet - they do yoga, drink eight glasses of water a day, develop mindfulness, go to lectures - and feel wrong if they don't do all of this.

2. We are unhappy with ourselves

And we suffer from perfectionism, a neurotic desire for the ideal - in certain areas or in our whole life. At least 30% of people fall into this trap, and their number is growing all the time.

Because of perfectionism, we feel inferior, not good enough. And we are doing our best to fix it. Someone works seven days a week, someone spends all the money on plastic surgeries and beauty procedures (although dysmorphophobia is also involved - rejection of their own appearance), and someone strikes at self-development.

3. We want social approval

Conformity is literally sewn into our biological program. Initially, it was needed for people to unite, interact and thus increase their chances of survival. But the desire to be like everyone else often interferes with us.

And if everyone around you is constantly improving, and after work you only manage to warm up the semi-finished products and dull on the couch with the phone, you seem to fight off society and, of course, feel uncomfortable.

And you are also afraid to be off topic and miss something important. In other words, fall prey to the fear of lost profits. And to get rid of it, repeat after others. There is even a very good idiom in English for such a case: jump on the bandwagon.

4. We want to feel successful

We need to be respected, considered successful and authoritative. According to the theory of Abraham Maslow, this is one of our fundamental needs - next after the needs for love and acceptance. But often we do not correspond to our own ideas about a successful person: the position is not the right one, the earnings are too low, there are few honors and awards. And it frustrates us and deprives us of motivation.

The path to a high position and a generous salary is long, winding and incomprehensible. Therefore, when we cannot feel successful at work, we try to “get” the feeling of success somewhere else.

Where the result is easier to obtain, where it will be simpler and more predictable.

I read a book about self-development - I wasted my time. I took a pencil drawing course of 10 lessons and learned at the very least to draw simple still lifes - you can put a tick and consider yourself a fine fellow. The same applies to sports achievements: if today you were able to run only 1 kilometer, after a couple of weeks of regular classes you will be able to master two - is this not a reason for pride?

Why self-development is not always good

After reading the first part of the article, you may have thought that Lifehacker urges you to give up self-development and begin to slowly degrade. But no. Sports, foreign languages, new knowledge, spiritual practices are good. True, only if these activities are not imposed on you by someone else. And if you really want them and need them - for example, you need to learn English to work with foreign clients or to travel, and dancing, painting or popular science literature bring you joy.

If, in fact, you do not really like going to the hall, do not want to study the language or attend classical music concerts now and do all this just for show, this will not end well. These activities will not bring you joy. On the contrary, the result will be frustration, burnout, and stress.

Excessive workload, studies and hobbies create the illusion of meaning and success.

A person constantly does something, seems to be moving somewhere and is in full confidence that he is on the right path. But in fact, he is engaged in self-deception: all this vigorous activity simply helps him hide from problems and distracts him from something more important.

How to get out of the race for self-development

According to Abraham Maslow, only 1% of people have the ability to self-actualize - that is, to strive to identify and reveal all their personal capabilities. In other words, not everyone has a need for success and self-development. And, therefore, behind our obsessive desire to improve and succeed, there are actually other needs hiding. Or this desire may be imposed on us by someone else.

Analyze what is behind your quest to learn five foreign languages, read a book a day, or run a marathon. Do you really want it yourself? Or maybe you succumbed to fashion or the influence of an authoritative person for you?

If something does not interest or delight you, then give it up. And choose only what you really like.

To weed out the excess, use a simple technique. Make a list of 10 things you would like to do, like sculpting with clay, listening to popular science lectures, learning to meditate, and so on. And then start crossing out the items so that there are only three left. These will be the activities that you are really interested in and need. After a calm and balanced audit of free time, the list may be reduced to one item - and there is nothing wrong with that.

You can also imagine that in the whole world there is no one but you. And you no longer need to try to please someone or impress someone. Think about what you would devote time to in this case. These will be the activities to which you really have a soul.