7 major mistakes that prevent us from developing habits

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Waiting for quick results, not using triggers, acting haphazardly - these mistakes do not allow us to change for the better. Make sure you don't commit them.

Our whole life is a collection of habits. Starting with brushing your teeth and ending with communication manners. We simply carry out a set of actions that are appropriate in a particular situation.

It often happens that a person wants to change his habits: start eating right, play sports, quit smoking. Unfortunately, not everyone succeeds in this. And if it succeeds, it is not always immediately and not always the way we wanted it initially.

Over the past couple of years, I have acquired several stable habits: I began to train, meditate, and read regularly. But there were also those that I gave up halfway. Therefore, I want to share the mistakes that I made and which, as it seems to me, are typical for most of us.

1. We do not understand why we need it

A common reason for unsuccessful attempts to fix a habit is that people do not understand why they need it. That is, they do not understand at all. Rather, they simply succumb to a momentary impulse, instead of making an informed decision. Heard a friend's fluent English and also decided to learn the language. We saw how a friend posted a photo from the gym, and they were in a hurry to buy a subscription or download a diet program.

But as practice shows, weak reasons give rise to weak motivation. A couple of years ago I wanted to learn how to play the guitar, I was very passionate about a popular guitarist. I was full of enthusiasm, learned the notes, a few chords, but after a month, when it was time for regular practice, I quit because I got carried away with other music.

If you have a desire to start a new habit, ask yourself a few questions first:

• Will developing this habit bring me long-term pleasure? Will it be important to me in a year, two, five years?
• Am I willing to sacrifice the time I now devote to other things to develop this habit?
• Am I ready to change my lifestyle to maintain this habit?

The last question implies that along with this habit, you may acquire several others that will affect your life. For example, by engaging in a healthy diet, you will learn how to cook, or maybe even decide to exercise or meditate.

The answers to all these questions will allow you to understand why you need it and if you need it at all.

Do not waste time on things that do not bring you pleasure, for things for which you are not ready to change your lifestyle. Otherwise, the force of gravity will always return you to a more comfortable environment.

2. We want everything at once

This error is no less common. People who have determined why they need to develop a habit or get rid of it try to change everything at once. If you decide to lead a healthy lifestyle, then they immediately switch to kefir with buckwheat, if they want to read more, then immediately 100 pages a day.

They do not take into account that their old habits have been formed over many years, and it will not be possible to change them overnight. As with any skill, acquiring habits takes experience.

If you've ever exercised after a long break, you should remember how your muscles ache the next day. This is because they need a period of adaptation. It is also necessary for habits.

When I decided to lose weight, when choosing products, I began to focus on their glycemic index. If you do not go into details, then the lower this index for the product, the longer the satiety lasts after it is consumed. I read that buckwheat has the lowest index of side dishes, and began to eat it every day. Of course, after two weeks it became unbearable.

Then I read about other healthy alternatives and made a menu that alternated side dishes with different glycemic index, high and low. After a couple of months, I completely excluded the most "harmful" products and began to alternate only healthy ones: red and brown rice, buckwheat, durum wheat pasta and so on. So the habit took hold.

Break up your habit and choose a part of it that you can comfortably adhere to today. A healthy diet can start with one apple or a glass of water before meals. Even if you do not go further, and this small step in the future will give tangible results.

3. We expect quick results

Do you know how long it takes to form a habit? Some may have heard that it takes 21 days or 30 days, and someone may mention the theory of 90 days.

But whatever the correct answer (if there is one), it will not mean that in three weeks or three months the force of inertia will push you out of bed and the body itself will begin to wind circles around the house.

Don't expect quick results. Don't expect time-bound results at all. This kills the initiative.

The only deadline that matters is today. And if you do not follow the habit every "today", then it does not matter how many days there were "before" and how many days there will be "after".

This item is related to the previous one. You can set a big goal - to lose 15 kg in three months in order to prepare for an important event. And achieve it! But this is not a matter of habit, but of a single jerk. Once the event has passed, you will return to your old way of life.

Get used to the following thought: by choosing a habit, you are choosing it forever. Not for 30 days, but for life. If this statement does not scare you, then you are on the right track. True, it is important to take into account the following error here.

4. We do not consider possible obstacles

Yes, the habit should become part of your lifestyle. But this does not mean that you need to live according to the order of the army barracks. We are people, we have our desires, and around us is an unpredictable world, which at any moment can throw a pod.

I don't eat carbs after eight in the evening and limit myself to sweets, but if I really want to eat a bun, I will not deny myself. In dietetics, there is the concept of "cheat meal" - a planned violation of the diet. It is necessary for psychological relief.

In this context, I really like this statement by the Dalai Lama:

Monastic rules prohibit eating after 12 noon. But sometimes I feel hungry in the evening, especially after many meetings, and I feel like eating a cookie. Then I ask myself: what does Buddha want right now - for the Dalai Lama to follow the rules or to have joy in his heart? And I eat cookies.

Remember, following the habit should be enjoyable. And if at some point it is difficult for you, you do not need to force yourself. Everyone can get tired. Give yourself time to rest. However, if this is repeated regularly, it is worth considering. Have you chosen a habit you don't need?

5. We do not use triggers

Each habit works in this cycle: trigger → action → reward. A trigger in psychology is called the trigger of a habit. It can be an action, an object, or any other object of attention that signals that an action needs to be taken.

For example, if you're trying to ease your sugar cravings, your trigger will be foods that contain sugar. The more of them you have in your field of vision, the higher the likelihood that you will break loose.

Working with triggers is working with signals. You can use them to break habits or acquire new ones.

For example, every morning I set the oatmeal to cook for 14 minutes. This procedure is a trigger for me: during this time I manage to wash my face and meditate for seven minutes. The simple procedure keeps me from forgetting what I have to do.

Think about triggers that can help you remember your habit. Or, conversely, how to remove harmful reminders from your field of attention. The better you control the trigger, the better you control the habit.

6. We act haphazardly

I have several regular habits. I meditate, play sports, read. To track the result, I keep a simple record: I performed an action, ticked the box.

First I had a spreadsheet in Excel, now I am using Loop application. Just do not forget about point number 4: consistency is needed to track the result, but this should be done without fanaticism. I have days when I don't want to read or I miss a workout. This is fine. The main thing is to maintain 80% performance for a month.

There are tracking systems for many habits. For example, calorie tracking apps or workout diaries. Even Aristotle said: "You are what you do regularly." The system will help you not to forget about these actions.

7. We do not study the habit

I have tried several times to develop a stable habit of eating right and taking time to exercise. But the results lasted from a couple of weeks to a couple of months. The first long-term result I got was through the study of habits. At first, I just started eating more low-fat cottage cheese and fewer simple carbs. I didn't really think about when to eat and how much. As a result, the habit never took hold.

Next time, I started by learning the basics: micro and macronutrients, the breakdown of carbohydrates, and so on. I did not have to master complex medical books, there was enough general, but the most relevant information on key concepts from sports and nutrition.

Yes, it sounds sad anyway. It’s just as frustrating as learning sheet music while learning to play a musical instrument. But this is also a necessary step if you want to have not just a temporary hobby, but a stable habit. Learning a habit ties you to the process, brings you closer to it, and makes it more enjoyable because you understand exactly how it works.

Think about what you need to know about your habit. Better yet, ask a specialist about it. Knowledge is the power that makes our habits a part of ourselves.

Many people don't realize that simple paths make life harder. A quick result implies too many buts. And complexity actually makes life easier because it builds the character and skills that will keep you going.

I am sure that in the future I will want to develop many other habits, and I know that not all will come easily to me. The mistakes described are typical, and you need to try not to make them. Ultimately it all comes down to how strong your desire to act is. The rest is a matter of time.

As the Italians say, habits are first the cobweb, and only then the ropes.