What to do if you fell out of love

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Don't blame yourself with your partner and be honest.

This article is part of the One-on-One Project. In it we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!

Love sometimes goes away. It's not about treason, not about someone on the side. It's just that at first a person does not evoke the former joy. Then it starts to get annoying. I no longer want to rush home after work, spend time together. Common jokes are no longer funny, and nicknames are no longer funny. Perhaps feelings cool down in both partners, but at different rates. It's just that while one is still in doubt, the other admits to himself and the person next to him that the fire has gone out. And it hurts everyone.

When a couple breaks up, usually all the sympathy and support goes to the one from whom they left. There are many articles out there with tips on how to cope with falling out of love. But the one who has stopped loving often falls out of the zone of attention, although he may suffer no less. Together with psychologists, we figure out how to find out that there are no more feelings, and what to do about it.

How to understand that there are really no feelings left

The only way is to understand yourself. This can be done independently or with a specialist.

According to psychologist Anna Smetannikova, sometimes the feeling that love has passed can cause accumulated and unspoken claims and emotions. It happens that a person is going through a crisis period, is tired in general and spreads these feelings to a partner. It may seem that if it were not for the second half, then life was completely different. And it makes you think that love is no more. Finally, a commonplace habit is often the reason.

Andrey Smirnov is a psychologist.

Often, the feeling that you have fallen out of love appears with too close and prolonged contact with a partner. When people live together for a long time, they get used to each other and may not notice the good that is. As they say, what we have - we do not store, when we lose - we cry. This is a very true and vital statement.

Therefore, when thinking about it, you need to put offenses, conflicts and decide whether the feelings have really died out. Here are a few signs by which you can recognize it:

• You don't want to spend time with your partner anymore. You are not interested in everything connected with it.
• When you think about the future, you don't find a place for a partner, at least in an optimistic scenario.
• You are worse off with a partner than without him, or at least just no better than being alone.
• It seems to you that there is nothing more to expect from this relationship.
• You notice all the weaknesses and shortcomings of your partner and are not ready to forgive them. At the same time, you meet his efforts with indifference.
• The thought that your partner will stop loving you, or meet someone else and leave, makes you feel happy and relieved.
• You meet quarrels with indifference and irritation, you no longer make an effort to get around sharp corners and not offend.
• You are sorry to waste time, money, mental strength on your partner.

Who is to blame for the feelings that have faded away

In a difficult situation, one of the usual human reactions is to appoint someone responsible for what is happening. In a relationship, there are two participants, so there are only two options: you can blame yourself or your partner for everything. And in both cases it will be a mistake.

Andrey Smirnov

It is useless to look for the right and the wrong. Everyone is right in their own way, but the relationship has outlived its usefulness. Better to leave in a civilized manner. Feelings of guilt should not be. How it happened - it happened, nothing can be done about it.

How to talk to a partner

If you are not sure that you have fallen out of love

Anna Smetannikova offers to honestly share her experiences. Note that the partner is not the problem. You just need time to sort out yourself.

Anna Smetannikova is a clinical psychologist.

Only by talking to your partner can you find the best solution for your couple. Find out together if you want to preserve what's left of your feelings, or if it's not worth the effort.

If you both have something to treasure in this relationship and are ready to try to save it, get started as soon as possible. Seeing a family counselor or a couples relationship counselor can help. But if this option is not for you, then honestly talk with your partner about everything that has accumulated between you. Start spending more time with each other. Find out (or remember) how each of you understands love: for someone these are warm words, for someone - gifts, for someone - hugs.

If there were grievances and quarrels between you, but you are ready to forgive them and be together, do it. If there are circumstances that, in your opinion, cannot be forgiven, then the best solution is not to waste time on such a relationship. Although the choice is always yours.

If you are sure that you have fallen out of love

Even if you no longer love the person, his presence must be reckoned with. And the main thing here is to remember that your partner is not your enemy, he is not to blame for anything. You spent some time together, you were probably happy, so he deserves respect and respect for him.

Anna Smetannikova advises talking about yourself and your feelings softly and at the same time categorically. Present the person with a fact, not translate the conversation into dialogue. Otherwise, the partner may start making excuses or making some promises in the hope that everything can be fixed.

Anna Smetannikova

Finding out the relationship and moving on to accusations is not worth it, as well as making excuses. Allow the person to react the way they want to: get up and leave, or talk. But let go and accept his words and actions with a clear inner intention that this is your decision and cannot be changed.

It happens that you decide to leave, but you postpone the conversation: you do not know how to approach it, and you suffer from remorse. In this case, think about how much of your time and your partner's time you are willing to spend on prolonging this agony, which as a result will still end in a breakup. If you're afraid, sort out your fears. You can write them down directly on a piece of paper. What are you afraid of? What's the worst thing that can happen? And is it scarier than living in an unhappy relationship for both of you?

The longer you drag out the conversation, the harder and harder the consequences of your insincerity will be. In any case, your soul mate will have a hard time, especially if you have children, joint property, business. But the sooner you talk after you've made sure you fall out of love, the better. After all, your personal happy life and the life of your former loved one are at stake. Even if while you manage to create the illusion that nothing has changed, over time it will become more difficult to do so, so the relationship will sooner or later turn into suffering for both.

What to do if after breaking up it turned out that you still love

After all the talking and breaking up, you may realize that the feelings have not faded away. Perhaps you were in a hurry, and now you feel an oppressive emptiness. In this case, it is worth trying to renew the relationship.

Andrey Smirnov

Often, imaginary pride does not allow taking the first step towards reconciliation. It should be discarded: life is not too long anyway to be spent in misery. It doesn't matter who takes the first step towards reconciliation - a man or a woman. And the second partner should also show understanding and generosity. Often, after such bursting outbursts, feelings even flare up with renewed vigor.

If the partner is against, go to the next point, he will suit you too.

What to do with emptiness after breaking up, even if you know that there are no feelings

Breaking up is stressful. It is perfectly normal that he will bring you a new dose of pain and doubt. You find yourself completely pulled out of the old life. The future can be daunting, especially in terms of relationships. It seems that you will not meet anyone else, and if you love again, then for a short period, because you already have a bitter experience.

But this is completely optional. When you experience a loss, you will surely fall in love again. More than 7 billion people live in the world, and among them there will be someone who will set your heart on fire with renewed vigor. Research shows that people who have a broken first marriage feel happier in their second. So the chances of a successful personal life are much higher than if you stayed in a relationship that is no longer pleasing.