10 parenting tips you don't need to listen to

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

The loved ones want only the best for you, but you need to take care of your own happiness.

This article is part of the One-on-One Project. In it we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!

1. "At your age, it's time to get married and have children"

The addressee of the message may be 20 or 40 years old, but the meaning is the same: his life path does not correspond to the generally accepted one. The average scenario looks like this: get an education, find a job, get married, give birth to the first child in a year or two, then think about the second. Little things like you just haven't met the right person are of no interest to anyone. If you met, but did not put a stamp in your passport, this is regarded as a life tragedy. And if you are already married, but do not want to reproduce in any way, even worse.

When a socially acceptable scenario is on one side of the scale and personal happiness is on the other, it's better to think about yourself.

There is no reason to rush into the first relationship you come across, just not to disappoint anyone. People in general get married later. In the modern world, the chances of finding your love are high at any age, including through the expansion of geography and search channels. And even if all the good options are now occupied, many of them will soon get divorced - this is what the statistics say.

With children, things are a little different. 40, of course, is the new 20, but fertility works the same way. Women's ability to conceive begins to deteriorate rapidly after 37 years, men's - after 40 and a little slower. Therefore, if you postpone childbirth until later, you need to pay attention to examinations. But at any age, the decision to have a child must be meaningful, otherwise, instead of one happy person, you risk getting several unhappy ones.

2. “You have met so much already! You must either leave or get married"

There are two weaknesses in this tip. On the one hand, if your relationship is great and both are happy with everything, why change something. The reason for this decision is not important, and you should not make excuses for it.

On the other hand, if the relationship has stopped developing, it may really not be all right with them. Only now the choice is strange. If the thought of getting married has not even occurred to you, and your partner is not satisfied with something, getting married is clearly an unsuccessful idea. Getting married and having children is not going to mend a relationship if it’s already broken.

3. “Patience is key in a relationship. Just be patient."

Even if people are literally made for each other, they sometimes have contradictions. They quarrel, give arguments, look for options that suit both, wait out difficult periods together. The word "patience" can be applied with a stretch only to the latter, and even then it is more about the situation, and not about the partner and his behavior.

If the ability to endure pain, misfortune, sorrow, unhappiness is the main thing in your relationship, then this is a bad relationship. Do not think that everyone around you lives the same way. Leaving everything as it is and not daring to break, you yourself prolong the agony.

4. “Don't argue. Just agree and do it your way."

This advice seems to be designed to preserve a bad peace in the family - the one that is better than a good quarrel. In fact, it is difficult to imagine a situation in which it can be useful. Unless the partners decide to vote for different parties in the elections.

When a question concerns living together and requires discussion (since a dispute is ripe), self-activity will not lead to anything good. Partnership involves negotiation.

5. “Why move? Stay. Needed where was born"

Parents may discourage moving for a variety of reasons. For example, they are sincerely convinced that in your current place you will be better off: in your Moscow you will be a line worker, and here you will soon head the department, “only Uncle Pasha will retire”. Or they don't believe in your abilities. Or they simply worry that they will be bored, but do not know how to correctly express their feelings.

But if you understand that you are ready to look for your happiness elsewhere, start preparing the ground. Life is too short to set limits on your own.

It's worth remembering that moving is not an easy adventure. There are people who take off spontaneously and achieve dizzying successes. But it is better to prepare and calculate everything: evaluate the chances of finding a job, save money for the first time and at the same time figure out what to do if nothing comes of it.

6. “Don't even think about quitting your job. Lucky that at least there is one! I do not like? So what, nobody likes it"

The career strategies of the older and younger generations differ. It is typical for representatives of the first to work for a long time in one place, moving from position to position. Young people are more mobile and easier to change companies.

If a person in his entire life has worked only in two or three places, which did not radically differ, it may seem to him that all firms are alike. He finds it hard to believe that work can be enjoyable. That there are good companies with adequate management, a decent salary and other pleasant things. But you may never know about it if you sit in the same terrible place all the time.

Of course, you shouldn't go nowhere - the decision should be deliberate. But to work all my life in the branch of hell because of fears is not so-so idea.

7. “Are you buying your toys again? It's time to grow up"

It is naive to say that age is a social construct that does not solve anything. You may be 20 in the shower, but if your joints are already 40, they will remind you of this. Nevertheless, a very strange practice inherent in the older generation is to give up living and start living out almost immediately after 30.

At any age, you can radically change your image and life priorities, dye your hair and apartment, acquire an extravagant hobby or go around the world.

And certainly entertainment and impractical purchases have nothing to do with the date in the passport - if, of course, they are made after all mandatory bills have been paid, and not instead of. A person with a complete collection of figurines from a fantasy series can be much more responsible and wiser than his peer with an "adult" hobby.

8. "Never ask for help, this is how you show your weakness."

If you are a human being, not a robot, sometimes you cannot cope with something. And in such a situation, it is normal to ask for help and accept it. Especially if the success of the common task depends on the result of your actions. For example, if you do not fit into a deadline and it hurts a work project, it is better to involve colleagues than to let everyone down.

9. "Listen to your elders, they know better"

It seems that after 20 years this advice will cease to be given. Well, at least after 30. In fact, there is always someone who was born before you, and it is him who is invited to listen. And it doesn't matter what he is.

Of course, the number of years lived does not really matter. When thinking about whose recommendation to accept, it is worth relying on the experience of the advisor, his knowledge, skills and whether he is living the life that you would like to live.

10. “Why would you go to a psychologist? Just find something to do."

For a long time, mental health remained a taboo topic, because it cast a shadow on a person. It seems that if you go to a specialist who treats the head, then everyone will think that you are crazy. Although there are many diseases, disorders, borderline conditions and simply the consequences of trauma (sometimes caused by the same parents), which in no way prevent a person from being an adequate and worthy member of society. But they greatly worsen the quality of his life.

Meanwhile, the devaluation of problems only hinders their solution. For example, people who are depressed are often advised to “just get distracted,” find a hobby or get together, because many people are even worse off. Although in this condition, pills and long work with a psychologist are needed to at least learn to get out of bed anew every morning.

The pain is unpleasant, but normal. You are not ashamed to go to the emergency room if your leg is broken. Do not delay going to a specialist if you feel the need for it.