What to do if life goes to hell

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Breathe deeply and regain control of the situation.

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There is a feeling that all the problems have piled up at once and everything in life is going wrong. And it doesn't matter if there are objective reasons for this. Sometimes the last straw is a peeled sole or a broken glass. But there is always a way out.

When life seems to be going downhill, it is important to understand that this is just a temporary mode of the brain. At this moment, he simply is not able to think sensibly. It works like a computer running several programs at the same time that overload the RAM. It is the feeling that there are not enough resources to solve problems that creates a feeling of losing control over life.

Victoria Mikhailova co-founder of Sensemakers, an expert in the psychology of leadership and partnership in business

Therefore, we must try to take control of ourselves and control over the situation.

1. Take a break and calm down

This advice sounds a little odd. The feeling that you are standing on the ashes of your own life, and you are offered to sit down and bake potatoes in this ash. But in fact, this is the first and very important step in order to get out of the crisis.

You need to regain your sobriety. When everything in life flies headlong, we attack ourselves with a cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol. From them, the heart beats faster, the blood drains from the brain and rushes to the muscles so that we can escape from danger. But in modern conditions, this does not work the way nature intended. We would, on the contrary, calm down and think.

Tatyana Khodzhaeva social educator, psychologist

An easy way to calm yourself down is by breathing slowly. Sit back and concentrate on inhaling and exhaling, think only of them. Perhaps some of the problems will be eliminated already at this stage, since during stress and panic, we tend to exaggerate the scale of difficulties.

2. Replenish resources

You will need strength to solve problems. If your batteries are low, you are unlikely to be effective. Remember when we said that the feeling of losing control of life comes from a lack of resources to solve problems? And then the situation will be corrected not only by eliminating these very problems, but also by increasing the volume of resources. In a computer, you would simply install an additional memory stick. And in a similar situation you need to rest. You don't have to go on vacation to the ends of the world, at least get some sleep.

The key is to be kind to yourself, remember your talents, and just give yourself unconditional love.

Victoria Mikhailova

3. Admit the problem

During the previous two steps, we ignored the problems. Now is the time to recognize them - at least those that did not fall away by themselves earlier.

You have to accept that something went wrong. Not to run away from this state, but to look into his eyes. This can be really scary, and it takes courage not to run in panic, but to stop. But if you have done so, you are already a hero on your way to victory.

Tatiana Khodzhaeva

It is necessary to sit down with a sober head and think, and what exactly is going wrong. You can write down points and ask yourself a few questions for each:

• Is it really as bad as it seems?
• Isn't there something good about that? Could the situation turn out for the better?
• What can I do to fix this?
• Can I do it right now?
• Who can help me?
• Have there been such situations before and how were they resolved?

Ideally, you should consider the problems not as your own, but as if you are evaluating them from the outside. Sometimes this shift in focus clarifies a lot. If more than one person is involved in the disturbing situation, you can try to take the position of each of them.

Of course, this is subjective. But in the process, many blind spots become clear to us. The state of uncertainty and anxiety disappears by itself, because our thinking finds some facts, connections, goals and reasons that have eluded it and builds a new picture of what is happening, more holistic. And this, in turn, removes from the state of uncertainty.

Galina Polomodova consultant psychologist

At the same time, psychic energy ceases to be spent on servicing anxiety. A person frees up a resource and can safely move on.

4. Solve the problem

You calmed down and analyzed the situation. Here are the conclusions you can come to.

There is a problem and you can solve it

In this case, it will be correct to draw up a detailed plan of action and progressively deal with difficulties. True, from time to time you will have to return to the first step and calm down. Because excitement and panic only get in the way. But a sense of control over the situation will in any case eliminate the feeling that life is going to hell. Because it is in your hands and you can direct it anywhere.

There is a problem and you cannot solve it

This happens when difficulties arise due to external circumstances. Pandemic, financial crisis, natural disaster - you cannot reverse them. All that you can do is wait out the situation in the most comfortable conditions. The Lifehacker has detailed instructions on how to act in such cases.

No problem

You were simply tired, succumbed to emotions, or did not have all the data, so you exaggerated the scale of the trouble. All that remains is to rejoice and move on.

5. Get help

Not always with the feeling that everything is going wrong, you manage to cope alone. This state can be caused exclusively by internal reasons, when it is difficult for a person to see and evaluate reality. He is in illusion and looks at the world through the prism of his internal psychotraumas.

The main indicator of such a state is the rake that a person steps on over and over again. Moreover, he usually understands that the rake is the same, that they are spread out wherever you go. The most constructive solution in this case would be psychological counseling or psychotherapy.

Galina Polomodova

The feeling that life is going to hell is scary. The main thing is to remember in time: this will not always be the case. Sooner or later, everything will work out, but it is in your power to make it happen as soon as possible.