How to Know When You Have Low Emotional Intelligence and What to Do About It

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

If you are unlucky in your personal life, relationships with friends and colleagues are not working out, you may have a low level of emotional intelligence (EQ). Check if this is actually the case.

Self-test questions

1. Am I adequate in assessing my capabilities?

You've probably met very boring people who sincerely think they have a great sense of humor. Or graphomaniacs who claim to be great writers or journalists. Or photographers who take pictures that only they like, and the rest simply do not understand the artist … Most likely these are people with low EQ levels.

A well-developed emotional intelligence assumes that a person is well aware of his strengths and weaknesses, develops strengths and fights against shortcomings that interfere with life not only for him, but also for those around him.

To be sure to recognize someone with low emotional intelligence, tell them that they don't understand other people's feelings. This will be followed by a statement that he is a better empath than you and everyone else combined.

Low EQ Sign: you often feel that you are not understood and appreciated, not recognized for merit, unfairly criticized, incorrectly evaluated.

2. Do I criticize a lot?

Those with low EQs tend to be very critical of others. The call to understand and forgive is not for them. They get annoyed when asked to get into a position, to be condescending, they like to judge and give advice.

Typically, people with low emotional intelligence think others are too sensitive (because they don't feel the same way). They can joke beyond the bounds, at the inopportune moment, make fun of shortcomings: usually this is done ostensibly for the good, in order to open their eyes to the truth. They do not realize that in this way they can make a person worse, increase his pain, make him unhappy.

The reason is simple: people with low EQ do not understand how others are feeling.

Low EQ Sign:if a person reacts painfully to your joke, you conclude that he is too emotional, attaches too much importance to nonsense. If you are asked to show emotions in return, it causes annoyance, irritation, anger.

3. Do I accept someone else's point of view?

Another feature of those with low EQs is their love of arguments and inflexibility. Such people are so sincerely confident in their righteousness that it is impossible to convince them. They refuse to accept arguments that differ from their point of view, they consider them deliberately false.

Low EQ Sign:you often start an argument from scratch (anything can become a reason) and always require your opponent to provide a large number of arguments. A lot of people are involved in the battle of words: friends, family and colleagues. Dispute often becomes emotionally exhausting for all parties.

4. Do I blame others for my mistakes?

Failure to manage your feelings often leads to emotional outbursts. It is easier for a person who has a higher EQ level to prevent them, because he understands what is happening to him and tries to control emotions.

But the picture is completely different for those with low EQ levels. Controlling what you don't understand is very difficult. Therefore, those around who have more developed emotional intelligence rate such outbursts as inadequacy.

Low EQ Sign:you usually blame not yourself for your inappropriate behavior, but other people or some circumstances. This happens instinctively, since you are not aware that you yourself have caused the emotional outburst. You are sure that you did not have a choice, and those around you simply do not understand this. Because of this, you feel like a victim, you feel hurt.

5. Am I hiding my true emotions?

A characteristic of people with low EQ levels is the inability to cope with situations that evoke strong emotions. They try to avoid them. Therefore, they hide their true emotions from others.

Low EQ Sign: you find it difficult to maintain friendships and loving relationships. You are annoyed with the need to make concessions and seek compromises, to reckon with the opinion of the person next to you. You do not find a feeling of compassion in yourself, it is difficult for you to understand exactly how you can and should support a loved one.

6. Can I put myself in the shoes of another?

Everything is simple here: since with a low level of emotional intelligence, a person does not understand either his own or other people's emotions, he is devoid of empathy. However, in some cases, he may try to empathize (for example, he may be moved by stray kittens and puppies). But in relationships with people, everything is different.

Low EQ Sign: you never think about how you would feel what emotions you experienced when you were in the place of another person.

A few more features of people with low EQ levels

• They are not interested in people, they do not want to understand what their character is, what is hidden behind their actions.
• They experience negative emotions, but often cannot understand their cause.
• They are focused on themselves, do not always notice that others need help.
• They are afraid of mistakes and do not draw conclusions from them, it is hard to come to their senses after a failure, they often fixate on mistakes, engage in self-flagellation.
• They don't trust their intuition, they think it's stupid.
• They do not adapt well to new conditions, do not like changes.
• They do not know how to listen and hear.

In order to determine the level of your emotional intelligence, you can also take a test developed by psychologist Nicholas Hall.

How to develop emotional intelligence

• Study yourself. To do this, you need to record events and what emotions they caused you for a certain time (for example, a week). Write about everything: what feelings you woke up with in the morning, what you feel when you drink your first cup of coffee, go to work, get scolded by your boss, meet friends, and so on.
• Determine how your body responds to different emotions. Do you feel butterflies in your stomach when in love? How do you behave during stress: do you feel like crying or, on the contrary, destroy everything around you? What happens when you get tired? What is the aftertaste of strong emotions that you have experienced?
• Find the connection between emotions and your behavior. For example, if you are annoyed, then transfer negativity to someone who is nearby. Or, if you're ashamed, you prefer not to communicate with anyone. Analyze this relationship and determine for yourself what you would like to change.
• Find your source of positive emotions. This can be a visit to your favorite cafe, delicious coffee, a smile of a child, a beautiful view from the window, a walk in the forest. This will be your safety net for when positive recharge is needed. Become an optimist.
• When communicating with other people, be as open and calm as possible. Argument your position clearly, but do not press.
• To learn to accept a different point of view, try analyzing, for example, a television debate. Side with one opponent and then the other.
• Develop empathy: put yourself in the shoes of others more often, try to imagine what emotions a person is experiencing, how you can help him.
• Take an interest in other people, their opinion, position. Try to guess their emotions by gestures, facial expressions, voice.
• Determine how you yourself affect people. Are you annoying or happy? Are you nervous or calming? You can ask this question to close people, but do not be discouraged by unpleasant answers. There is always an opportunity to fix it.
• Remember, when you begin to understand your patterns of behavior, it will become easier to control it. You will be able not to give in to emotions, but consciously decide how to act in a particular case.