How to tell if your relationship is really serious

1. Different interests don't bother you

The same hobbies are often called a sign of true intimacy, but this is not always the case. Much more important is your attitude to the fact that they may not coincide.

If a loved one is not doing something with you, and you are completely calm at this time, this is a sign of mutual trust. If you tried to introduce a half to your hobby, but it did not work out, and you treated it with respect, everything is in order.

2. You accept each other's identity

We all think differently, react to events, approach problem solving and behave in everyday life. The other person will inevitably do things differently from you, your parents, or a previous partner. And this does not mean that you need to try to remake it.

Sometimes it is worth putting yourself in the shoes of another in order to understand how important things are to him that seem insignificant to us. The more eccentric your partner has, the harder (and more interesting) it can be. Remember how many conventions Amy Farah Fowler had to comply with to be with Sheldon Cooper.

At the same time, your own characteristics also have a right to exist and the partner must accept them.

The so-called gestalt prayer, written by the founder of gestalt therapy, Frederick Perls, contains the following lines:

I do not live in this world in order to meet your expectations, and you do not live in this world in order to meet mine. But if we happen to meet each other, that's fine.

Frederick Perls psychiatrist, founder of gestalt therapy

3. You have no fundamental differences

Personal characteristics and different interests are not a problem, but there are global issues that can become a stumbling block. They can relate to where to live (for example, one loves megacities, and the other dreams of a house outside the city), whether to have children and animals, how to build relationships in general (perhaps you want a traditional family, and your partner is a polyamorous union).

For some, religious, political or other ideological issues are fundamental. A relationship with someone who shares a different ideology can be quite passionate, but it will be full of conflicts and is unlikely to last long.

It is better to clarify important things “on the shore”. If your positions differ on key issues, it's best to limit yourself to non-binding dates.

4. You want to listen and tell

On their own, How I Spent the Day stories are rarely engaging enough. However, sincere sympathy and interest can transform even the most mundane things. It is for this reason that unprofessional photographs of strangers are boring to look at - another thing when our friends are captured there.

If the relationship is serious, people are an end in itself for each other, and not a way to satisfy momentary desires.

Love begins to manifest itself only when we love those whom we cannot use for our own purposes.

Erich Fromm sociologist, philosopher, psychologist

What did your partner prefer to do in childhood, where did he get the scar on his skin, what does he think about this or that news? If this does not interest you in the least, this is a wake-up call. If your stories are not listened to, and your opinion is never asked, you are unlikely to be an important part of someone else's life.

5. You are ready to receive and provide help

The most successful and happy relationships happen with self-sufficient people. But sometimes we all need the support of loved ones. For some people (especially those who were brought up to believe that it is embarrassing to complain and cry), accepting it is a difficult task.

However, if we truly trust someone, then the feeling of wounded pride and fear of remaining in debt recede. We are ready to accept help as a gift for which there is no need to pay.

Sometimes, due to differences in temperament or upbringing, support can be difficult to recognize. For example, you did not feel well, but you were not spared and taken on the pens. But it is possible that at this moment the partner was busy keeping calm, calling the car and googling the address of the nearest clinic. This means that his willingness to help is expressed in this way.

However, if a person did not come to the rescue at all - most likely, he is "not a friend, and not an enemy, but so." You can have any kind of relationship with him if you really want to, but you should not rely on him in serious things.

6. In principle, you don't have to ask yourself such a question

This may seem cruel, but the very question of the seriousness of intentions already hints at negative answers. The sooner this becomes apparent, the better. But the search for hidden motives and secret signs is a dubious path, fraught with disappointment.

Of course, the easiest way to figure it out is to just talk about your plans and expectations. But sometimes one person may be afraid to answer openly, while the other is ready to indulge himself with illusions and fantasies. Throughout the series "Sex and the City" Carrie Bradshaw tried to understand why the main man of her life does not seek to marry her, and managed to ignore even direct wording. Although the answer was on the surface all the time: he didn't really want to.

Sometimes a banana is just a banana, and the lack of visible interest is exactly what it seems. If your goals and desires are different, you just don't fit.