6 things you shouldn't expect from marriage

1. The wedding will save the relationship

Many people perceive the ceremony of marriage as a plaster, which can be used to seal a crumbling relationship. That is why marriage proposals are often made after an attempt at separation. The feelings of the candy-bouquet period are still alive in my memory, and the stamp in the passport is designed to roll everything back to those pleasant moments.

It is believed that after the wedding, everything will change. But this is not the case.

Relationships are built on the interaction of two people. If before marriage there was no attention, respect, trust in them, the partners did not consider it necessary to fulfill their obligations - little will change after the wedding. If this happens, it will not be because of the stamp in the passport, but because someone will reconsider their behavior. But the odds of winning here are like in the lottery, and the stakes are too high.

Most likely, the patch will actually work, but not for long. The euphoria of the holiday will make it easier to perceive each other's shortcomings and happily try on new roles. However, he will soon fly off, and the crack in the relationship will continue to widen.

2. Spouses will belong to each other

Various statements and prohibitions can be embedded in this phrase, for example:

Spouses should spend all their free time at home and with each other.
They must completely stop communicating with people of the opposite sex, including on social networks.
There is nothing special about reading each other's correspondence.
Hobbies are for singles, but in marriage you finally need to grow up and give up hobbies in favor of the family.

It doesn't sound as romantic as it seems at first glance. If someone really wants a partner to lose all interests and hobbies after marriage, then he looks not in love, but crazy. Each person needs personal space and time - some more, some less. And he should have the right to do so.

The man after the wedding is still his own.

Serfdom was abolished more than 150 years ago, so the issues of who owes what and to whom are decided by negotiations. It's harder than invoking age-old traditions, gender roles, or personal beliefs, but more productive.

3. Spouses will always agree with each other

Even people with very similar views may have different opinions on different issues, and this is normal. When it comes to things that are not key to a relationship, disagreements are unlikely to spoil anything. Unless one of the partners will suppress their soul mate, forcing them to hide their opinion. Perhaps the victim of the manipulator will start nodding and agreeing all the time, but a happy marriage for both looks clearly not so.

It happens that at some stage partners express different opinions about fundamental things. For example, one wants a child, and the other does not. And here it will not be possible to close our eyes to the divergence of views. And the way out of this situation also lies not in pressure, manipulation and persuasion. It would be more honest to discuss everything and disperse in case of irreconcilable disagreements.

4. The husband will earn money, the wife will provide comfort

First of all, we are talking about the parental scenario or that version of interaction that each of the spouses came up with in his head. This happens even for couples who have lived together for a long time before stamping their passports. Suddenly, stereotypes start to outweigh agreements. For example, partners could work hard and share household chores equally. But after the wedding, the husband demands that his wife completely release him from housework, because this is a "woman's business." Or, on the contrary, a woman may expect that a man will take over the maintenance of the whole family.

In reality, there is no default distribution of responsibilities. Unless it will be possible to delegate childbirth: here the genitals are directly involved. Everything else is a matter of agreements.

No one is obliged to serve or provide for another adult (the exception is the requirements of the law, more about this in the text on alimony). You can distribute cases among yourself in any way or attract invited specialists to them for money. A fair division of tasks will make the climate in the home favorable, as research confirms.

5. Sex in marriage - on demand

For sex against desire in marriage, there are various euphemisms: conjugal duty, conjugal duties. But we must call a spade a spade: this is sexual violence, and it does not cease to be considered such even after the wedding.

As of 2002, at least 23% of women in Russia were victims of domestic violence due to pressure or threats. 75% of wives periodically agree to have sex when they do not want it, and 20% of them do it often.

For men, such statistics do not exist, although this does not negate the very possibility of being forced to have sex in relation to them. One of the reasons is the myth that a man always wants sex. Even if he just handed in his annual report and for the next five years only dreams of sleeping in bed.

60% of men and 50% of women believe (more precisely, they believed in 2002) that marital rape is simply impossible.

But it exists and is considered a crime in more than 100 countries around the world. In Russia, they are also sent to jail for this. However, it is clear from statistics and judicial practice that the police receive isolated reports of crimes, where, as a rule, in addition to rape, beatings and murders also appear.

Everything seems clear, but let's fix it. Sex against desire is rape. The stamp in the passport does not affect this in any way. Both partners must want sex. If one of them is against, the other should not achieve this by force, manipulation and whining. When someone is constantly walking around and nagging under the ear, we get a statistic of 75% of wives who find it easier to agree.

But there is one more important point. People can agree to intimacy without voicing their unwillingness. The second partner is simply not aware that he is having sex with a person who is against it. This is a global problem rooted in tradition. And although it cannot be quickly eliminated all over the world, it is quite simple to do it in a single pair, if you treat each other with attention and respect.

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6. Marriage will be a guarantee of happiness

The wedding does not insure against either sadness or loneliness. For many couples, marriage is the next step in the development of relationships, and they feel happy in the status of husband and wife. However, people get married for other reasons, for example, because of pressure from the outside or in an attempt to finally leave their parents. In this case, the marriage will solve the initial problem, but it can throw new ones if the relationship itself is not pleasing.

We know from fairy tales that the wedding is followed by the obligatory "and they lived happily ever after." In life, no one will give you such guarantees.