Table of contents:
- 1. Memorize names
- 2. Control your emotions
- 3. Use non-verbal communication
- 4. Practice active listening
- 5. Provide feedback
- 6. Be generous with praise
- 7. Criticize constructively and to the point
- 8. Do not order, but offer
- 9. Be a living person, not a robot
- 10. Master storytelling
- 11. Don't be distracted by the phone
- 12. Don't be afraid to ask for advice
- 13. Avoid clichés
- 14. Ask questions
- 15. Be objective
2023 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-07-28 10:38
These techniques are so simple that they can be used effortlessly every day.
1. Memorize names
A proper name for any person is the most pleasant combination of sounds. So why not play it? Memorize people's names and use them. Renowned psychologist Dale Carnegie was confident that this technique was guaranteed to increase the number of fans.
For a person with whom you do not contact very often, the very fact that you remember his name will be a pleasant surprise. He will be a lot surprised and flattered by the attention to his person.
You should not repeat the person's name literally through every word. Instead, try to remember it right away when you meet and use it when you feel like starting a conversation.
2. Control your emotions
Technology is gradually replacing live human communication. But people still remain quite social creatures for whom it is important to show emotions.
We subconsciously choose for our interlocutors the person who is closest to us emotionally and does not cause rejection by his behavior. It often happens that the conversationalists somehow catch the general mood, and then adjust to each other.
If you want to make a good impression on someone or make someone's day a little better, then try to control your mood in order to share only positive emotions with others.
3. Use non-verbal communication
Learn to listen. And not only with the ears. Try to show the person that the conversation really matters to you using non-verbal communication:
- Mirror the interlocutor - copy his pose or manner of speech, but do not get carried away too much, otherwise he may think that you are imitating him.
- Maintain eye contact - no one likes to have a conversation with someone who is looking in the wrong direction. It is not clear whether he is actually listening, or whether he is busy with his thoughts.
- Nod, smile, gesture, but in moderation.
Be natural and don't try to use all of your non-verbal communication at the same time.
4. Practice active listening
Listening carefully to your interlocutor is essential to maintaining a constructive conversation. Others will like you much more if you focus on keeping the conversation going rather than on the outside. Try to master the active listening technique to demonstrate how considerate you can be with the other person.
Active listening is a special method of demonstrating attention, which is used in psychology and psychotherapy. It is used when you need to show the interlocutor that you understand and share his feelings, and are also ready to offer your help.
The most common active listening techniques are:
- Paraphrase (retelling) - a short repetition of what the interlocutor said in his own words.
- Clarification - clarification and clarification of additional details of the story in order to present the situation in the most complete and detailed way.
- Perception message is a verbal demonstration to the interlocutor that you understood him. Suitable phrases "I understand how hard it is for you", "I can imagine what you are feeling now" and others like that.
- Pauses show the interlocutor that you are carefully thinking and rethinking the words he said.
In addition, you can and should ask the interlocutor relevant questions, but in no case should you interrupt him.
5. Provide feedback
To let the person know that you really care for them, bring up the topic that was discussed with them earlier.
Did your colleague talk about his son having a matinee this weekend? Ask for a story about how it went. Did your friend say he's going to rearrange the furniture and paint the kitchen a new color over the weekend? Ask what came out of it and if he likes the result.
There is no need to always discuss some very important and global topics. Life consists of many small and seemingly insignificant events. Attention and interest in them gives rise to conversation. People are pleased and flattering when someone is interested in the details of their life.
6. Be generous with praise
Real praise is very different from rude flattery, which is very easy to recognize. Remember: nobody likes sycophants.
People crave approval, but rarely get it. Criticism and ironic remarks are heard much more often.
Dale Carnegie bestselling author on communication skills
Sincere admiration for the work done with conscience, the realization that the efforts made are noticed and appreciated - this is what people really want to hear. Do not skimp on words and praise sincerely.
7. Criticize constructively and to the point
Be generous with praise, but don't get carried away with criticism. People are unusually vulnerable. Even not very offensive words can greatly hurt self-esteem. Sometimes you can't do without criticism. Remember that in these cases it must be constructive and not bear negative connotations. If someone makes a mistake, don't berate them publicly. Be tactful and considerate.
Use the sandwich technique. Its essence is that any critical review is built according to the following scheme: praise, criticism, praise.
Bad example. Lisa, you have such beautiful hair, but, unfortunately, you made the report just disgusting. By the way, where did you buy this awesome sweater?
Good example. The report you sent me looks very impressive. Nice work, just on a cursory scan I seem to have noticed a few bugs. I could be wrong, of course, but it would be nice to check. By the way, I forgot to say: the last post on Facebook that you wrote about our company has such a large reach that it cannot but rejoice.
The goal of criticism should be for the other person to admit their mistakes on their own, without you directing them to them. In the example that we considered above, you could simply say: “Again you have some ridiculous errors in the report. Correct them at last. And just wait for a response.
A person will definitely begin to apologize and vow to make amends. Don't take it for granted. Try to cheer him up: tell him that it's not worth worrying, convince him that he will definitely acquire the necessary skill and in the future you will not have similar problems again. The less you point your finger at the mistake, the better.
Before you start criticizing someone, think twice. Only make comments when really necessary.
You can also adhere to another tactic: before pointing out to someone his mistakes, first tell about all the mistakes that you yourself made or are committing in the process of work. And only then move on to the shortcomings of someone else.
8. Do not order, but offer
Few people like it when they talk to him in an orderly tone and make him do not the most pleasant things. But what about those situations when you really need something from a person?
You can get what you want simply by asking the right questions. The result will be exactly the same, only the person will not feel humiliated and insulted.
Bad example. Ivan, I definitely need these reports today. And livelier!
Good example. Ivan, tell me, will you have time to deal with this report before tonight? I would really appreciate it!
The difference seems to be obvious.
9. Be a living person, not a robot
Self-confidence makes a person more attractive to others. But here it is important to maintain a balance and not start to seem overconfident and pompous to everyone. You should have character and inner core, but do not go too far.
In order for others to have sympathy for you, be honest with them. Don't go overboard trying to sound like the person you are not. People quickly recognize falsehood. Agree, it's hard to be nice to someone you can't trust.
Be consistent. If you want to seem like someone you can rely on, then make sure those around you that you will treat them well regardless of your mood.
Watch how you behave and serve. Forget about arrogance and arrogance, try to help people whenever possible.
10. Master storytelling
People love captivating stories, so try to be a good storyteller. Storytelling is a special art form that requires skill. You will need to learn how to correctly formulate your thoughts, focus on the most interesting points, follow your speech and not tire your interlocutors. Learn to hold and attract the attention of people, then they will begin to reach out to you.
11. Don't be distracted by the phone
If you are chatting with someone, then move your smartphone away. Nothing distracts from the conversation more than constant glances at the screen during a call, as well as the sounds of incoming messages and notifications. This makes it difficult to concentrate on the conversation and is pretty annoying.
Any conversation will become much more pleasant if you are completely absorbed in it.
Focus on the content of the conversation. The phone will not go anywhere from you, but a person may well.
12. Don't be afraid to ask for advice
This seems to be one of the easiest ways to make people love you. When you ask for advice, you demonstrate to the person that their opinion is important and valuable to you. You show that you respect him.
When you give a person the opportunity to feel important and significant, when he realizes that you cannot cope without his help, then he begins to feel sympathy for you.
13. Avoid clichés
Let's be honest: nobody likes boring people. They are predictable to the point of yawning and terribly uninteresting. We most often like bright, extraordinary, distinctive and sometimes even quirky people.
A trivial example: imagine that you are interviewing someone. Instead of saying to your interlocutor at the end the catchphrase “I was glad to meet you,” try to make some adjustments. Instead of her, say, “I really enjoyed talking,” or “I'm glad we finally got to know each other better.”
No need to reinvent the wheel - be yourself and get creative.
14. Ask questions
Take an interest in the lives of people with whom you want to develop a good relationship. Ask about their interests, hobbies, books they read and movies they watch. This is a surefire way to gain attention.
People are self-centered and most of all they like to talk about themselves. If you allow the interlocutor this little weakness, then he will subconsciously mark you as an exceptionally pleasant person.
15. Be objective
No one wants to deal with a person who has finally and irrevocably hammered something into his head and is not ready to change his mind. If you want to be liked by others, be open-minded. To get rid of prejudices, try to look at the world differently: listen to the opinion of others, compare it with yours and try to come to some kind of compromise solution.
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