Table of contents:

7 tips for finding love that you definitely shouldn't listen to
7 tips for finding love that you definitely shouldn't listen to

They confuse, create illusions and make us unhappy.

7 tips for finding love that you definitely shouldn't listen to
7 tips for finding love that you definitely shouldn't listen to

1. A couple must be found by a certain date

For example, up to 30 years old. Or to receive a diploma. Or before all friends and classmates get married. Otherwise, tragedy, eternal loneliness and "what people think." This setting is especially relevant for women who, right after the age of majority, supposedly start ticking their watches. Although men also get it - how is it, already almost 30, and still single, you need a good wife, and as soon as possible.

But relationships are not an area where you need to rush. A person adjusts himself, sets deadlines, in case of violation of which he is very worried, considers himself wrong and flawed. And in the end, he runs the risk of grabbing the first more or less suitable partner, just to keep within a certain time frame. This approach can lead to frustration, toxic relationships, or painful breakups.

2. You recognize "your" person immediately

You will see - and you will understand: here it is, the one long-awaited and the only one. Butterflies will flutter in your stomach, your heart will skip a beat, and you will instantly find common topics for conversation. And then there will be no disagreements - only romance, and everything is as if on notes. Because this is the only way it happens when you meet your true soul mate.

And if love did not come at first sight or the relationship does not develop like in a romantic movie, then the person is not very suitable for you.

This is precisely the danger of the myth about halves: we risk missing an interesting person just because our heart did not skip a beat at the first meeting with him. Or, conversely, decide that since the relationship with the alleged soul mate did not work out, it means that you will not succeed with anyone else.

3. You must match everything with an ideal partner

That is, you must have the same tastes, interests, identical outlook on life and opinions on all important issues. And it is also desirable that the age, level of education, financial situation coincide.

Otherwise, what is this couple, where one is jumping with a parachute, and the other is sitting at home, eating cookies and knitting scarves? Or one earns a lot, and the other not so much. Expect conflicts, abuse, and eventually parting.

In fact, different views on life, of course, can be a reason for quarrels and even a break. However, the complete coincidence of life positions and hobbies also does not guarantee that the relationship will develop successfully. After all, if you focus only on this, you can miss an interesting person.

4. You and your partner should be different

Because opposites attract and in ideal relationships people complement each other in everything. One is the leader, the other is the follower; one is weak, but the other is strong, and so on. You need to look for a person with those qualities that you yourself lack. Only in this way will the couple be truly strong and stable.

There may be some truth in this theory. But living people are not parts of a computer that can be successfully selected according to certain characteristics.

5. You can not show interest immediately

Even if you really like the person, you shouldn't talk about it. And show too. You need to behave a little detached - as if, of course, he is very a little interesting to you, but not that very much. And in general, you have a lot of other things to do and you are always a little unavailable. Most often, such advice is given to women and even girls - this is a classic combo of glossy magazines and encyclopedias for little princesses.

Do not call first, do not take the initiative, in any case do not confess your feelings, be late for dates, pause when answering messages.

Some men also use this tactic. Sometimes this is done deliberately - in order to manipulate the partner, tie her to himself. This is what, for example, pick-up artists do. And sometimes we are just talking about the attitude learned from childhood.

The problem is that a real, sincere relationship doesn't have to be manipulation, play, and convention. Therefore, if you like the person, it is absolutely normal to show it.

6. Love is not the main thing

The main thing is that the person is good, and feelings will come over time. You need to choose with your mind, not your heart, because emotions fade away anyway. And in general, even if you don't like something in your partner at first, you can gradually get used to everything: as they say, if you endure it, you will fall in love. That is, in fact, we are talking about a relationship of convenience, although not always monetary.

Choose a person according to certain parameters and according to the ability to perform specific functions, like a technique in a store.

And whether you will have any feelings for him is a secondary matter. Yes, for some, such a model of relations may well suit: according to a survey by VTsIOM, about 24% of respondents conclude marriages by calculation. And on the contrary, it will make someone deeply unhappy.

7. You need to show yourself only from the good side

At the dawn of a relationship, and even more so while they have not yet begun, in no case should your partner find out that you are a living person with your own shortcomings. It is necessary to carefully hide all the flaws - both external and internal. Wrap yourself up in slimming underwear and laugh at unfunny jokes. Lying that you never lose your temper, do not lie on the couch all weekend, do not swear, do not overeat junk food.

Or even completely think out non-existent talents and achievements. After all, if you demonstrate your true "I" - touchy, lazy, with bad habits - it can scare off your partner.

The problem is that all of this is essentially cheating. Sooner or later it will open, and your couple will not thank you. Maybe at the first meeting it is not necessary to dump the full list of your sins on the interlocutor, but it is also a bad idea to conceal something or lie on purpose.