60 Life Lessons From Homer Simpson

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Witty statements about self-development, career achievements, family values, love and more.

If you believe the driver's license, caught in the frame in one of the episodes, Homer Simpson is already 65 years old. It's time to share worldly wisdom.

About self-development

1. Children, you tried your best and still failed. Conclusion: never try.
2. Son, if you really want to achieve something in life, you have to work hard on it. Quiet now: the winning lottery numbers will be announced.
3. All my life I have had one dream: to achieve all my goals.
4. If it is difficult to do something, then you should not do it.
5. If it doesn't work the first time, give up.
6. Trying is the first step to failure.
7. No matter how well you know something, there will always be a million people who do it even better.
8. Beer is the cause and solution to all life's problems.
9. Books are useless! I only read one - "To Kill a Mockingbird" - and I never got any idea of how to kill mockingbirds. Of course, she taught me not to judge a person by the color of his skin, but what good did she give me?
10. Son, this is the only time I'll say this. Losing is not good.
11. It's not easy to be torn between a pregnant wife and a restless child, but I still carved out my eight hours watching TV.
12. The only way to make everyone think good of you is to make everyone think bad of themselves. I'm tired of giving everyone the pleasure of thinking well of myself.

About career achievements

1. There are three phrases that you must carry with you through your life. First: "Cover me." Second: "Oh, great idea, boss!" Third: "When I came, it was already like this."
2. If something goes wrong at work, blame it on the guy who doesn't speak English.
3. I think Smithers hired me for my ability to motivate others. Now that I'm around, everyone says they need to work twice as hard.
4. Kill the boss ?! Will my hand rise to fulfill the American dream?
5. You don't like your job, but you don't go to strikes. You go to work every day and do it somehow. This is the American way.
6. Fall asleep at a meeting? I was awake, I was drunk.
7. Work is work. Take me for example. If my factory pollutes the water and poisons the city, by your logic I must be a criminal.
8. Marge: “Homer, they called from the factory. They say that if you don’t come tomorrow, you don’t have to show up on Monday”. Homer: “Yoo-huu! Four days off!"
9. You can work several jobs at the same time and still be lazy.
10. Give a man a fish and he'll be full all day. Teach a person to fish, and he will certainly hook on the eyelid or something like that.

About family values

1. Marge, there are two involved in the lie. One to lie and one to listen.
2. Son, the main thing in sports is not victory or loss. The main thing is to get drunk.
3. Space aliens! Please don't eat me! I have a wife and children. Eat them!
4. Old people don't need company. They need to be isolated and studied to find out if they contain any substances useful to us.
5. Bart, with $ 10,000, we would be millionaires! We could buy anything, like … love!
6. Marge, don't bother the boy! It's important to learn how to shirk commitments. This is what sets us apart from animals.
7. So, it's already one in the morning. Better to go home and spend some time with the kids.
8. Schoolyard Code, Marge! The rules that make a man out of a boy. Let's see … Don't gossip. Always make fun of those who are different from you. Never say anything until you’re sure everyone else is thinking the same as you. What else?..
9. If I’m not worried, it doesn’t mean that I don’t understand.
10. Dad, you have done a lot of good things in life, but you are very old and old people are useless.
11. I see the smiles of my children. And I understand that they are up to something bad.
12. My mother once said one thing that haunts me. She said, "Homer, you're a big disappointment." She meant something.
13. My father never believed in me. I will not repeat his mistakes: from today on I will be softer with my son. And tougher with my father.
14. Dad wanted to say that the family is the coffin, and the children are the nails in its lid.

About love

1. You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is like a woman. You just need to read the instructions and press the correct button in time.
2. Son, women are like beer. They smell good, they look good, and you're ready to step over your own mother to get them. But don't stop at one.
3. When it comes to compliments, women become irrepressible blood-sucking monsters and demand more, more and more. But if their desire is satisfied, the pay will be sweet.
4. If a woman says that everything is so, then it is not so. And if she says that everything is not so, it means that in general everything is not so.
5. I will not go to bed with a woman who thinks I am a lazy person. Have a sofa in the living room. I want to sleep.
6. Marge, I don't want to scare you, but I think I love you …

About money

1. Oh no! What have I done! I smashed my little boy's piggy bank! And for what? Just a few pathetic cents, not even enough for one beer. Wait a minute, let me count and make sure … not even close.
2. Everything is fine, no panic. If anything, I'll make some money by selling one of my kidneys. I don't need both of them.
3. Fool and money quickly part. I would pay a lot to someone who would explain this pattern to me.

On philosophy, religion and education

1. I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, I love my children. So why should I spend half my Sunday listening to how I'm going to hell?
2. What's the point in leaving the house? We still come back every time.
3. Foolish risk giving meaning to life.
4. Of course, everything will seem bad if you keep this in mind.
5. I can not believe it! Reading and writing actually brings results.
6. And when will I finally figure it out? The solution to all life's problems is not at the bottom of the bottle, but in the TV!
7. How can education make me feel smarter? Every time I remember something, it takes place, pushing something old out of my mind. Like the time I took a wine-making course and then forgot how to drive a car.
8. People can come up with any statistic to prove anything. 14% of people know this.
9. The facts are completely meaningless. You can use facts to prove any fiction.

Important things in life

1. Popularity is the most important thing in the world.
2. Beer … My only weakness. My Achilles' heel, if you will.
3. You can't constantly blame yourself for something. Blame yourself once and move on with peace of mind.
4. To be loved, you have to be good with everyone every day. To be hated, you don't have to strain at all.
5. From now on, I will look forward to everything. My God! There will be a special promotion tomorrow: two piano benches for the price of one! Oh-oh-oh, sooner tomorrow!
6. Do I need to do something for this?