5 reasons why relationships in the modern world are so difficult

1. We no longer have clear roles

How was it before? A person grows up, studies, goes to work, gets married, brings up children. The man is the head of the family and the breadwinner, the woman is the keeper of the hearth and a caring mother. The husband makes decisions, the wife obeys. He pays at the restaurant, she comes beautiful and smart. And so on - simple, clear and predictable scenarios. A set of rules that you can refer to in any incomprehensible situation.

People are now increasingly abandoning outdated, ineffective and toxic behaviors and are increasingly concerned about their own comfort rather than meeting other people's expectations and standards.

In addition, women received more rights and more attention to their problems, which means that the balance of power in relationships has changed. On the one hand, this is good, on the other, it adds complexity. There is no longer a template to rely on. You have to study your partner, take into account his needs and characteristics. And from time to time to face a complete misunderstanding and mismatch of goals and views.

For example, if a woman adheres to conservative views and wants to take care of children and the household while her husband earns money, she can easily get the stigma of a mercantile kept woman or a stupid housewife. And if, on the contrary, makes a career and strives for complete equality in relationships, it easily turns out to be a "gone feminist" or "a man in a skirt."

How to behave and where to find "your" person in such conditions is completely unclear.

2. We suffer from the illusion of choice

To get to know someone, you no longer need to go somewhere on purpose. Taped a couple of times on the screen, swiped left and right, wrote a message - it's done. And what a choice! Thousands of people who can be filtered by age, external data, interests. If something goes wrong with the current couple, you can always find another, and easily and quickly.

Only in reality, of course, this is a delusion. In dating apps, the same people are registered who ride the subway with us, go to work or study. And it is just as difficult to find a suitable person among them, just the communication process itself is greatly simplified.

But because of this illusion of a rich choice, a person does not try to work on relationships, gives up at the first difficulties, treats a partner frivolously - as something temporary. There is no need to bother, if there is still plenty of time, and you still have time to find the “that one” or “that one”, with so many options. By the way, this situation is called a paradox or an illusion of choice.

3. We receive conflicting information

In a world where almost everyone has got their own small rostrum from which to express their opinion, it is very difficult not to get confused and hear yourself.

In books they write one thing, mom and dad say something else, friends - the third, favorite blogger - the fourth, people from the Overheard in Relationship group - the fifth. And it is absolutely unclear which model of relations is “correct”, how everything “should be” and whom to listen to.

This means that there is a chance to misinterpret the actions of a partner, to wind yourself up and ruin everything, or, conversely, to release really alarm bells on the brakes.

4. We make excessive demands on ourselves and others

Each of us always has at least one ideal couple in front of our eyes, who posts cute pictures from travels, with hugs and gifts that they give each other, and a beautiful dog in addition, with which they happily play. This couple, of course, never quarrels, owns the secret of a happy relationship and gives advice to others.

Real relationships cannot compete with this picture: they have quarrels over an open tube of toothpaste, money problems and other "delights". But when you look at flawless images, it seems that they are the norm, and something is wrong with you and your partner. And envy, comparisons, mutual reproaches and claims begin.

This is the same anecdotal "But Vasya bought a fur coat for his wife" or "Seryoga's wife is so good at cooking." Only Vasya, Seryoga and their wives now surround us from all sides.

5. We don't want to take responsibility

We all later become independent, and in every sense. We have been living in our parents' territory for a long time and need their financial support. As adults, we suffer from adolescent crises.

In articles and posts on this topic, the contemptuous word "infantilism" is often found. But the point is not even such behavior, but the fact that people become different due to complex social processes and world events. Scientists even propose to revise the boundaries of transitional age and consider adolescents those who have not yet turned 24 years old. That is, people who, half a century ago, could already easily have a job and two children.

"Delayed growing up" also affects relationships. A person who is aimed at looking for himself, trying new things, developing and enjoying life, and treats his partner as an experiment, something transitory. That is, this is no longer a serious relationship between two adults, but "love games" that yesterday's adolescents are engaged in. And for a person who has matured earlier, meeting such a “teenager” turns out to be a problem.