How to make peace with your other half

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Life is too short to be wasted on quarrels and ridiculous resentments. If you are ready to take the first step towards reconciliation, follow a few simple rules.

1. Calm down and try to figure out what's the matter

Quarrels and resentments arise in everyone. Largely because of the inability to speak openly about problems that have been accumulating for months and even years. Therefore, sometimes an innocent remark addressed to a beloved or beloved can turn into a scandal. But you understand that this is not the real reason for the quarrel.

Therefore, take some time to yourself and properly analyze your relationship. You may be surprised to find that you are constantly trying to hold them back, smoothly moving from one quarrel to another. Are you sure they are worth the effort?

Or, on the contrary, you will notice that your partner is trying to convey to you both in direct text and in hints that something does not suit him in your relationship. Maybe she or he lacks attention, I want more tenderness or more often to talk heart to heart. Problems like these are easy to solve, but you might never guess if you don't ask the right questions.

2. Prepare for the conversation

Think about what you want to say to your other half. Come up with precise language, not harsh or harsh, that will help you get your message across.

Unfortunately, reasoning doesn't always work. It happens that the relationship just burned out.

There is one painful moment in a conversation with a woman. You give facts, arguments, arguments. You appeal to logic and common sense. And suddenly you discover that the very sound of your voice is disgusting to her. Sergey Dovlatov "Reserve"

In this case, only time will help. But it's still worth trying to negotiate.

3. Ask for forgiveness

What could be easier? If you are to blame for the fight and you really regret it, be clear about it. If you think that what happened is not your fault, but you want to make up, say that you are ready to discuss everything. Make it clear that you are ready for reconciliation and are no longer so angry.

Of course, this is a very idealized situation: in life, not everything is so simple and you cannot immediately figure out who is right and who is wrong. Usually both are good. But in order to resolve the conflict, it is desirable that at least one of the parties is ready for reconciliation. It is foolish to consider this a weakness of character or excessive gentleness. Rather, on the contrary: it takes strength to take the first step.

Choose the right words. It doesn't matter how you deliver them: in person, by phone or SMS.

Reproaches, using past grievances and mistakes as arguments, harsh conditions are not the best tactics. Because of this, a small spat can lead to a serious quarrel.

In the series “How I Met Your Mother,” the characters Lily and Marshall used one little trick during their quarrels: when they felt that they were drifting and the quarrel was starting to gain momentum, they paused it. A pause is a time to cool down, calm down, have a snack, and just relax. Of course, the series is a comedic one, but the decision is quite serious: so they did not accumulate resentment and together calmly dealt with everything.

4. Learn to listen

After a quarrel, you should not indulge in self-delusion and worry exclusively about your feelings. Reckon with your other half, give her the opportunity to speak out. Even if you disagree with how your partner views the situation, you do not need to do your best to convince him or her. Make it clear that you heard what you wanted to convey, and that you are not dismissing these words as meaningless nonsense.

5. Make a surprise

No matter how trite it may sound, but in any relationship, even the longest, there is always a place for romance. A small gift, dinner, or a standard bouquet is a clear signal that you want reconciliation. Do not be afraid to show initiative and originality, approach this gesture individually.

By the way, for some reason it is generally accepted that making a gift after a quarrel is exclusively a man's duty. This is certainly not the case. The young man will also be pleased with something pleasant as a gift from the girl.

Try to do what your other half will appreciate.

The cost of the gift does not matter. Rather, on the contrary: an excessively generous gift can be regarded not as a noble gesture, but as a desire to buy forgiveness.

6. Give the other half time to think

If your girlfriend or boyfriend does not want to make contact, avoids meetings, does not pick up the phone, you do not need to achieve a conversation by hook or by crook. Give her or him time to think things over and sort out your feelings. Obsession will not help you return to your old harmonious relationship.

6. Hug

Of course, hugging another person a minute after an argument is hardly appropriate. But, when both of you have cooled down a bit, try to just walk up and hug your other half. Tactile contact is important. Sometimes it helps to cope with contradictions that cannot be resolved with words.

7. Make it laugh

Humor can help relieve tension and look at the situation in a positive light. A ridiculous joke, a funny grimace, and a pleasant memory will do. Make your other half smile, and, most likely, the desire to quarrel will disappear by itself.

Psychologist's comment:

After a quarrel, the well-known principle applies: "Before you get better, you get worse." Conflict is a turning point in a relationship, when dissatisfaction with each other and contradictions in a couple reach their peak. Reconciliation is the process of overcoming such contradictions. Ideally, in such a way that they do not pop up in the future.

In this light, the desire of some people to save relationships at any cost, on the contrary, prevents them from achieving success in this. You need to strive for a compromise so that neither you nor your partner feel uncomfortable.

In the video, we observe a common situation: both sides want reconciliation, but each is waiting for the first step from a partner. Again, this testifies to the well-known attitude: "Whoever came first is to blame." But in healthy relationships, there is no place for child rivalry, there are no winners or losers. And if you feel that you want reconciliation, you do not need to prove to another that you are fine without him. It is better to calmly talk about everything and by joint efforts to find a way out of the conflict situation.