2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44
Sometimes we can't strike up a conversation or start a relationship not because someone doesn't want it. Perhaps the fact is that we do not know the formula for friendship, unknowingly send hostile signals, or completely do not understand the signals of another person. The book by Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins provides everything you need to remove every obstacle to establishing and strengthening any relationship.
Marvin Karlins Professor of Management at the University of South Florida, Ph. D. in psychology from Princeton University. Author of 24 books, including the bestsellers What Every Body Is Saying and It’s a Jungle in There, and over 200 articles in professional, scientific and popular magazines. Consults large international companies.
Frankly, the words “according to the method of the special services” in the title of the book alerted me and reduced my desire to read it. I am not that not a supporter, but even an ardent opponent of hypnosis, NLP and other manipulations with human consciousness. Namely, such associations for some reason arise in me when the concepts of "human relations" and "special services" are encountered in one sentence.
But, after this book was recommended to me by a person of the same mindset and with similar tastes, I took up reading. The book turned out to be interesting, understandable and practical. In addition, my fears were not justified, and I parted with another cliché about the methods of the special services.
Of course, the information obtained from the book can be used to the detriment of others, misleading them about the sincerity of their own intentions. But if you sincerely wish to make friends with other people, to establish or regain lost relationships, then this book will definitely please you and will be useful.
The trick of the book is spy stories
One of the features that heightens interest in an already fascinating book is real stories from the life of an FBI special agent, helping to understand how the friendship formula works in practice.
It's funny to read how people themselves ask for a relationship with a person, knowing that he is an FBI agent and "came to their soul."
Friendship Formula
And all these miracles happened thanks to the formula of friendship, which turned out to be so simple that it was difficult for me to believe in its effectiveness, if not for life stories. This is the formula:
Friendship = closeness + frequency + duration + intensity
The authors explain each element and offer practical solutions to everyday relationship problems using this formula. And at the end they add:
Think of the formula as the real foundation on which the house is built. Homes come in a wide variety of forms, as do friendships, but the construction of the foundation is usually always the same.
"We turn on charm according to the method of special services" Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins
Our body is our letter
Several chapters of the book are devoted to the non-verbal signals that we send to and receive from others. Recently, this topic has been discussed a lot and often, but the problem is that many people unknowingly wear a mask of hostility and are sincerely surprised that others are avoiding them.
Therefore, the information in these chapters will not only help you recognize friendly and hostile signals, but also teach you how to send them to others. To facilitate the perception of the material, the book is supplied with a sufficient number of photographs. Naturally, you will learn to “read” other people and receive advice for situations where you receive hostile signals.
You will be amazed at how many non-verbal cues people exchange when they meet. But you will be even more surprised that, having lived for so many years, you did not know how many non-verbal signals you have been sending all your life.
"We turn on charm according to the method of special services" Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins
Speech is not just information
After we deal with non-verbal signals, it will be turn to improve our speech. Many people think that the main thing in a conversation is to correctly formulate the thought that we want to express. But it is not so.
Communication is not only about sharing facts and ideas; when interacting with real people, any ideas must be properly presented.
"We turn on charm according to the method of special services" Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins
In a conversation, not only the logical component is important, but also the coloring of the words that your interlocutor hears. Intonation, facial expressions, gestures are important. But the most important skill in a conversation is the ability to listen to the interlocutor. After all, to learn to speak, a person needs two years. And to learn to listen - all life. The book will help you learn the latter much faster.
Friends online
And finally, we get a nice bonus in the form of a whole chapter on online relationships. The authors will talk about why communication on the Web is so attractive to people, what advantages it has over offline communication, and will give some tips on etiquette.
A large part is devoted to security: how to recognize fraudsters, how to verify the accuracy of information on the Web and in real life, how to detect deception in user profiles, how to reduce the likelihood of being deceived on the Internet, and how to bring a cheater to the surface.
Your relationship is in your hands
What tasks and problems do you face in the field of relationships with other people? Find a soul mate or restore a broken relationship with an existing one? Defeat shyness and make friends? Make friends with an interesting person for you? Networking?
So know:
A fruitful personal relationship is no doubt available to you. It's not a matter of chance or luck. Friendship, trusting relationships are established through the use of proven scientific knowledge and proven methods of interaction with others … The ability to evoke sympathy is available, it is in front of you. To master this art, simply use the information provided in the book and watch how your LQ (Likability Quotient), or likability coefficient, grows.
"We turn on charm according to the method of special services" Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins
"Turning on the charm according to the method of the secret services", Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins
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