Don't Take Choice From Your Children

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Practicing psychologist Vyacheslav Veto talks about how important it is to give the child the right to choose and the ability to decide for himself what his life will be like. Even if you are tormented by doubts, and everyone around you is sure that they know "what's best."

My son is now 17.

And last summer, after school, he did not go anywhere.

He went to work and already provides for himself.

In almost everything.

Yes, and he's not sure about next summer either.

Doubts.

Do I need to do it?

And everyone around (relatives, of course, but not only) is very nervous about this.

And every now and then they ask me: "And you, Slava, what do you think about this?"

And when they hear my answer, everyone is surprised, why am I so calm?

And why am I not trying to somehow influence him ?!

And I'm actually them … not calm!

And if they only knew how difficult it is for me.

So heavy.

Stick to the line that I once chose in my relationship with my son.

And I still hold on.

With all my might.

And I am terribly afraid that I will be "wrong."

And that all this "experiment" of mine will one day "end badly."

And that everyone around will definitely point it out to me.

And they will say that it's all my fault.

That he sat with folded hands and did nothing …

It's like I'm going against some kind of current.

Broad.

Deep.

Powerful.

And absolutely confident in his righteousness.

A movement called "All My Family".

Up to the seventh generation …

She, my family, knows exactly what my son needs.

They are fucking absolutely sure of that.

And they have no doubts.

Quit your job, of course!

Of course, go to college!

There is even nothing to think about!

Because it's an army.

Because something.

Because - syo.

And here's what I think about this.

I think it's them … not their business.

And not even mine.

And this is my son's business.

And only him.

This is his life.

And it is up to him to decide how he should live it.

Own life.

At one time I really wanted to go to a literary institute.

But my dad, when he heard about it, looked at me like that.

That I somehow stopped short at once and even stopped thinking about it.

And he became an engineer.

Because "there is always enough for bread and butter."

And what, am I developing microcircuits now?

In 50 nanometer increments.

Or do I solder TVs?

No.

I write every day.

And even, sometimes, at night.

And which of us was right, it turns out?

Me or my father ?!

And I remember how I was not fed bread in my 30 years, when I suddenly became interested in psychology.

Just let me learn something else.

Art therapy, for example.

Or psychodrama …

And now, tell me, who could have known about this?

Who could have foreseen this?

That I will become a psychotherapist?

Yes, nobody could.

Even me.

Therefore, it is not for them to decide.

How my son should live.

And not for me.

Let him decide for himself.

And only one thing is required of me.

Support him in his every interest.

Whatever it is.

Because no one knows what lies ahead.

And what really will be his happiness.

I don't know for sure.

Let him look for it himself.

Your happiness.

And I can only believe.

That he will definitely find him.