Why you shouldn't send negative emails

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

How many times have you regretted writing something without thinking? Emotions often prevent us from thinking rationally, and we do stupid things: we spoil relationships with colleagues, friends, family and friends.

David Spinks is a wonderful person. The Feast project, of which he is a co-founder, is committed to helping busy people instill and develop the habit and ability to cook healthy homemade food for themselves and their loved ones. However, today we are not talking about the courses of a novice cook.

Email is still the most popular form of communication, and today we bring you David's thoughts on why any negative email you send is pointless stupidity.

I have learned a lot of things that contribute to good communication in business. I also know about things that provoke anger, cause drama and lead to failure.

For all such situations, a single philosophy is applicable, and this philosophy has fully proved its worth for me personally - in several jobs, over several years, when communicating with completely different people.

Negative emotions in emails are things that always turn out badly for you. Never try to embed negativity in your text. For such situations, there is voice communication and face-to-face communication. I have made this mistake many times (and still do), and have seen other people do the same.

Every time I sent a negative email, I regretted what I did. Every negative email I received was stressful for me.

The reason is not that these letters are emotional. It seems to me that it is completely normal to share emotions, negative and positive, when you work closely with other people. But e-mail is not suitable in this case.

In this case, you need to clearly distinguish between constructive criticism and personal negativity. If you send negative feedback, doing it without emotion, just with a call to get better, to improve, then everything is fine. But as soon as emotions begin to seep into such a text, remove them from the letter.

This article is based solely on my personal experience, and maybe these thoughts will seem incorrect to someone, but if you look at the problem like me, then these thoughts are definitely worth publishing.

So why are emails with a negative emotional connotation a bad idea.

1. Tone, body language, eye contact

Were these words written with sarcasm, anger or sadness? I have no idea. But I am the one who is made to assume the worst. Such text looks to me full of rage, anger and disgust.

It doesn't matter how complete your text looks, how many emoticons there are and what they are - the recipient's perception of your emotions is out of your control. You have absolutely no idea how the emotions you put into the text will be interpreted, and you can easily be misunderstood.

2. War without winners

Boxing by correspondence is always cruel:) You can catch on any word of your opponent. Take phrases and expressions out of context, think about them for a long time and re-read your answer 17 times before sending.

This is not a conversation, this is a battle. You are just trying to argue with each other and prove your case instead of going towards mutual understanding and moving on.

I can't speak for others, but when I received emotional emails, I dwelt on them and on my response to such emails, trying to cover every word the sender wrote.

Result: everyone turned out to be losers, the problem was not solved, the relationship was ruined.

3. Ready, attention, waiting

The peculiarity of emails is that the time between replies can be very long. Unlike a conversation, when you personally, standing in front of each other, discuss a problem, a message by mail can simply lie in your e-mail box and quietly rot there.

When I receive an emotional email, I wait. It so happens that the wait is delayed for several days before I can personally speak with a person. All this time, the text I received is sitting in my head, I periodically think about it, try to understand the thoughts and motives of the person who wrote this, and what should I do with his negative at all. This is really depressing.

This passive form of communication is great for coordinating and sharing information, but not for emotions - hold them for a personal conversation.

4. freaked out

The most emotional letters are written with emotions. In this state, we are able to say and do what we will deeply regret.

Calm down and give yourself time to think before you give a rash response in the wake of overwhelming emotions.

How to replace emotional emails

So, you are literally bursting with the desire to respond with emotion to emotion, and you need to replace the likely textual drama with something. What to do?

1. Offer to talk

When I want to send an emotional email, I write it and save it in drafts. But I don’t send. Instead, I write a letter in the style: "I have an idea, can we call?" Then I agree on a date and time for the conversation.

When someone sends me an emotional email, I just write back, "Let's talk about it on Skype."

These simple steps keep me sane. I successfully maintain good relationships with other people.

2. All in good time

We have good practice in organizing special sessions to express emotions. We set aside time each week to talk to each other. We exchange thoughts, feelings, fears, worries, discontent. We go out into nature, in a park, away from computers, take tea and just talk. Thus, we rid ourselves of the very reasons why these negative emails may be sent.

During such emotional meetings, you additionally get a good view of yourself from the outside, you see the prospects of the company. Most of the defining decisions made about Feast were made during these conversations.

3. Write, but don't send

A friend of mine always does this when he gets angry. He writes a letter but does not send it. In the process of transferring negative emotions to the text, it becomes easier for him. Along the way, he begins to think about the situation, and a conscious understanding of why this letter needs to be deleted always comes to him.

I did exactly the same. Sometimes I wrote letters to people in my personal diary, and I felt much better.

However, if you have no other choice but to send an email, then send. It's still better than keeping feelings to yourself. But if there is even a remote opportunity to talk about the problem in person, wait for the right moment and resolve the issue constructively.