How to stop swimming in your own negativity

Have you ever watched fish in a messy aquarium? They look detached and sadly swim in circles, as if shackles were tied to their fins, which constantly pull them down. Replace the dirty water with fresh water and you will notice that the fish swim with peace, not terror. If the "water" in which we swim is our thoughts, then we ourselves can control the degree of cleanliness of our "aquarium". Many of us have false beliefs that were formed due to some events or people in our life. These false beliefs are our dirty water. Needless doubts, self-doubt, destructive relationships - all this limits our capabilities and does not allow us to achieve what we could achieve. False beliefs change our entire life. We begin to see her in gray.

What can a fish know about the water in which it swims all its life?

Albert Einstein

But there is good news as well. Unlike fish, we are able to change our "water" ourselves. Most people are slaves to their thoughts. They do not even realize that they are able to control their thoughts. Many people make absolutely no effort to change the course of their thoughts. Perhaps this is due to some kind of fear, or maybe they do not believe that they are worthy of "clean water". They are used to swimming in negativity. They just took it for granted and that's it. The truth is, you are capable of cleaning your tank. Any time. You can meet each new day with joy, and not with the feeling that "the whole world is against you." Only build relationships that make you a happy person. Surround yourself with positive people. Look for joy in everything. You can change your life by changing what it is made of. It all starts with our thoughts and ends with them. By controlling our thoughts, we are controlling our reality.

Remember that there is no prison worse than in the head.

Viktor Tsoi

Here are three ways to help you figure out which "water" you are swimming in and what to do with it.

1. Determine the state of your "aquarium"

It's simple. You either live or die. There is no third.

You are fixated on the future. Thinking about the past constantly. Do not say goodbye to a relationship that has been gone for a long time. You eat all kinds of nasty things. Sleep poorly. Obsessed with problems. Always dissatisfied with something, annoying everyone around you, including yourself. Your days are full of struggle and resistance. You are sick of what surrounds you, life for you is an analogue of a prison. Hope for you is as much a myth as Santa Claus. You are a consumer, not a creator.

Or.

You create, develop yourself and the people around you. You only build relationships that are important to you that enrich you. You are eating healthy foods. Listen to yourself. Express your opinion. Dreaming. You are not choked by fear. You look great, wake up in the morning feeling like you've gotten enough sleep. Sincerely love and know how to forgive. Live in the present. You try to find something good in your surroundings and in the people around you. Don't chase mirages. Be creative. Your "aquarium" is clean. You are truly living.

In which of these two descriptions did you find the most matches with your life? Maybe in both? Your "aquarium" may once have been dirty, but now it is cleaner. Or, conversely, it is dirtier now than ever. Your own thoughts determine how dirty your "aquarium" is.

2. Become aware of the misconceptions that shape your life

No one becomes an adult without scars. We live in a chaotic world that is beyond control. Parents are getting divorced. Friends betray us. People often judge solely by "cover": having acne or being overweight can be a reason to hate you. There is death, loneliness and inner scars that never heal to the end.

Some people start using alcohol and drugs. This is the only thing that can give them a jolt and make them feel at least something. They call it "adjusting to an unjust world." But this is actually a form of flight. They will run, hide and be in the company of other people as little as possible.

Another version of the development of events is also possible: you enter adulthood and the countdown begins. Test results. University. Relationship. Interview. Struggle for the best place in the office. Marriage. Children. Mortgage. Expectations. Depression. And, of course, eternal fear. You are hiding from life. All the "main action" begins to take place in your head, because it is safe there and no one can bother you. It forces you to form a ton of false beliefs that snowball.

The above are two of the most categorical examples, however, if you did not find yourself in them, this does not mean that there are no false beliefs in your life. Here are the most common examples of common misconceptions.

All false beliefs are directly manifested in our behavior. They determine the choices we make in work, relationships, the way we communicate with parents, friends, colleagues. False beliefs affect any decisions we make in life. They block many of our aspirations, telling us that we are not worthy of it.

Think about your false beliefs about love, work, people, your body, creativity, life in general? What can you and what you can't really do? What do you think you deserve?

Reiterate all the false beliefs you just listed. Now think about how your life would change if you got rid of them? Who would you be? What kind of people would be around you? What would you do in life? Would your life be different from what it is now?

3. Challenge your false beliefs: do what they say you cannot do

First of all, you must be clearly aware of which beliefs you have are false. They are often shaped by parenting, traumatic relationships, and events. "Deceptive" beliefs make you question your own abilities and capabilities. They force you to constantly seek other people's approval. You begin to think that because of this, people will be drawn to you, and "you are" not enough to interest someone. False beliefs rob you of your uniqueness.

A good way to recognize false beliefs is to ask yourself what you fear and why. For example, you want to get a tattoo, master a motorcycle and do street art for life. But your father wants you to get married, have children, and become a housewife. You have a wonderful relationship with your dad and you don't want to upset him. You are grateful to him for everything he has done for you. You think that if you don't live the way he wants you to be, you will be a bad daughter.

So you decide to go your own way. If you rewind the tape and ask yourself again what you want at the moment, your answer is something like, “I want to quit my job and do what I really like - street art. But I am afraid". If you ask yourself about the logical reasons for your fear, the answers will also be found: "What if I can't start a new life?", "What if I can't pay my bills?"

After a self-examination session, you will realize that although these fears have a right to exist, the root of the problem is actually different. "If I fulfill my dream and become a street artist, my father will be upset and not proud of me."If you are subject to these false beliefs, you can marry someone you don’t love, give up your favorite hobby that matters to you, or make choices that you will later regret. The "water" in your "aquarium" will become cloudy and you will float in your own negativity.

Once you have realized your own false beliefs, you need to restructure your internal dialogue so that you have the opportunity to "get to the bottom" of the truth. Take the story above as an example. “I owe my father” can be reformulated as follows: “I am grateful to my father for everything he did for me. But the truth is that it was his choice: everything he did for me, he did of his own accord. He did what any father who loves his child would do. This was not a condition. It was a gift."

Instead of accepting the misconception that “becoming a street artist is becoming a bad daughter,” think about what it means to be a good daughter. Perhaps being a good daughter means loving your father, but also showing that you have dreams and goals of your own that you think will make you happy. You do not have to follow someone's model of life, even if such a close person like your father suggested such a model to you.

The next step is to fulfill everything that you so wanted, but feared. Get a tattoo. Sign up for driving lessons. Talk to your father, tell him what you dream about. It may be difficult to part with false beliefs, because they have been with you for so long. But if you really want to live your life, you have to cope.

The more false beliefs you can rethink, the cleaner your tank will be. You will be able to “swim” freely - follow your dreams, walk your own path, of course, sometimes make mistakes, but these will be your mistakes.

You live your life yourself, and it is only in your power to “cleanse your aquarium” - to change what you don’t like.