How to Become a Master of Negotiation for Life

Some people have a real talent for negotiation, for others it is difficult and scary. The ability to get what you want from other people and at the same time not slip into conflict is one of the most useful skills for both professional growth and personal life. Here are some guides from a negotiating and contracting expert.

During negotiations, many do not feel very comfortable: you have to defend your point of view, ask for what you need, and try to find the most favorable price, conditions or solution for yourself. It feels like a conflict, a clash of interests, and many of us are afraid of collisions and try to avoid it at all costs.

“You have to learn to negotiate, it's not an innate skill,” says Eldonna Lewis-Fernandez, author of Think Like a Diplomat. "It's like any sport: you have to learn to play in order to play well."

Lewis-Fernandez has enough experience to say this. She spent 23 years negotiating and entering into lucrative contracts for the US government. She is now the CEO of the consulting firm Dynamic Vision International and teaches people how to negotiate.

She believes that everyone can perfectly negotiate both on duty and in personal life. The main thing is to feel comfortable during negotiations, this is the only correct attitude.

“It's always scary in the beginning,” says Lewis-Fernandez. - And there is no way to kill this fear, there is no such button that turns it off and immediately makes you an expert. Time will pass and you will get over it. The main thing is to train."

You can train in any area, for example when buying real estate. Few people expect to get as much as they initially ask for, so you can practice making negotiation a fun game.

Well, if you are not going to buy real estate, go to the market - you can also practice well there.

Anything can be turned into negotiations

For example, if they want to sell you a kettle for 270 rubles and a tray for 260 rubles, you can ask to give two things for 500 rubles. Multiple purchases increase your chance of buying at a bargain price.

Or, on the contrary, let the seller set the price himself, just before that, warn that if he names the lowest price, you will buy. Most likely, he will tell you a price that you did not expect.

When you start to feel comfortable making requests, it's time to move on to the next level. It can be anything from calling a courier to reduce shipping costs to negotiating multi-million dollar contracts. And remember:

The best deals are those in which both sides win, with no winners or losers.

But no matter how comfortable you feel, at first you will make a lot of mistakes. Here are five mistakes to avoid during negotiations:

1. Be insecure

Some people think that you have to be brave or even arrogant to agree on something, others think that a lot of experience is needed. In fact, if you prepare ahead of time and persist, the chances of a successful negotiation will greatly increase.

“Before starting a negotiation, make sure you know what your opponent wants, what objections he might have, and what motivation will help convince him,” advises Lewis-Fernandez. “In addition, you need to feel the person and soften too tough opposition in time.”

2. Assuming that something is non-negotiable

When you think as a negotiator, you realize that absolutely anything can be discussed. Decide for yourself that any rule of negotiation can be changed to gain benefits, and tremendous opportunities will open up for you.

Any rule can change if you offer an ethical solution that benefits all negotiators.

3. Do not build relationships before negotiations

One of the biggest mistakes beginners make is to refuse the opportunity to talk to an opponent before starting negotiations, to find out what kind of person he is.

Through simple conversation, you can learn a lot of important information about the life of your opponent, about his motivation and goals. You will be surprised how useful information gained from a simple conversation can be.

4. Don't ask for anything

It sounds too simple, but it is:

The key to successful negotiations is asking for what you want.

You may be stopped by the fear of rejection or the fear of appearing greedy. Just remember: there will be rejection, but you shouldn't be afraid of it.

The opt-out does not specifically apply to you; it means that you have not provided convincing reasons why you should get what you want. Your offer was rejected, not you.

If you hear “no,” it means that your opponent is lacking in information. To make it easier, know:

People say “no” three times on average before they say “yes”.

The true way to get better in negotiations is to get rejected and keep asking.

5. Talking too much

Too much chatter is a surefire way to screw up negotiations. Never underestimate the importance of silence. As you discuss the matter, just stop talking and feel comfortable during that awkward silence. So your argument has a much better chance of success, and you - on favorable terms.