Table of contents:

Office drummer's manifesto, or Who is to blame for poor employee performance?
Office drummer's manifesto, or Who is to blame for poor employee performance?

In this manifesto, we want to shed light on a number of issues and show you, our dear boss, that it is you who are to blame for this. You were the one who failed to organize our work!

Office drummer's manifesto, or Who is to blame for poor employee performance?
Office drummer's manifesto, or Who is to blame for poor employee performance?

We, the shock workers of office labor, heroes of the labor front, the masters of calculators, staplers and punchers, turn to you, our tireless boss!

Do you think that we:

  • we ignore plans and hammer on deadlines;
  • we are not interested in the efficiency of our work;
  • we constantly violate the established rules and procedures;
  • we regularly avoid responsibility;
  • we use the company's resources ineffectively, we abuse the corporate phone, printer, taxi coupons;
  • we are constantly sick, late, asking for time off in order to solve our personal problems during working hours;
  • we want to increase wages and do not think at all about our growth and development;
  • We are thinking about how to quickly find a job in another company, which would be simpler, with a higher position and with a higher salary.

In this manifesto, we want to shed light on all these issues and show you, our dear boss, that it is you who are to blame for this. You were the one who failed to organize our work!

Remember, our dear:

People come to work in the COMPANY, and quit from the OWNER.

With this manifesto, we want to help you make us work well.

Myth 1. Employees ignore plans and deadlines

Remember how you met us in the corridor and “set the task”: “Make this report urgently, it is on; if you have any questions, ask."

Have you forgotten that yesterday, when we met in the elevator, you already "set an urgent task"? And the day before yesterday he called me late in the evening and also "set a task."

And how do you look at us reporting on the completed task when we accidentally meet at the urinal or when passing by in the dining room when you are chewing on your bun? Or maybe we could call you early in the morning on the phone and quickly tell you what the result was during the night work?

What? Will you ask us to send a work report by mail? In an understandable and convenient way? "So that you don't have to ask a thousand questions and ask to redo it a hundred times"? Will you invite us yourself when you're ready to hear the results?

That is, it is inconvenient for you to perceive information when you are not ready for it and where you are not ready for it? Weird? Are you the boss, are you better than us, are you more developed, efficient, successful? Why can't you do what you yourself demand of us?

Requirement 1. Set tasks only by mail or during a meeting. When you set a task, tell us specifically what you want, when it should be done and what tasks can be moved if we do not have time.

Myth 2. Employees are not interested in their performance

You think we don't give a damn about how we work. You think that we only have a desire to run home at 18:00 and get a salary at the end of the month. You say that we are ineffective. Let's figure out what is efficiency in your understanding? When was the last time you explained to us how effective you expect us to be? Not abstract efficiency, but concrete and measurable? Did you know that about 80% of employees do not know what their boss expects from them?

Or maybe the problem is that you yourself do not know what your boss expects of you? You're afraid to ask, so you go blind. And if they scold you, you scold us. May be enough? Let's stop this vicious circle?

Please figure out what your boss expects from you, what measurable results. Then gather us up and tell us what we must do to make you happy. To make your boss happy. And even your boss's boss. And the biggest boss. Only with specific numbers and terms.

And you yourself will be surprised how quickly we will do what you have not been able to achieve from us for so long.

And if you periodically remind us of our tasks, tell us what we have already achieved and how much we have left, then we will be able to move mountains!

Requirement 2. Every month, report what measurable results you expect, and within a month show how much we have already done and how much we have left.

Myth 3. Employees violate rules and procedures

We are constantly accused of breaking the rules.

Have you ever wondered why? Is it really about us, or maybe the rules?

We distinguish these types of silly rules:

  • Rules that were adopted a long time ago. No one remembers why they were adopted and what purpose they pursue, but for some reason they need to be respected. It's like a no-way sign. Once he was hanged, but no one already knows why he hangs, and everyone drives past him. Of course, the passage no longer carries any risk, does not bother anyone, but the sign hangs. And the valiant traffic policemen are fed.
  • Rules that were adopted after single precedents. Sometime something happened by accident, and a rule was made to avoid repetitions. For example, someone once got drunk at work and beat the director of the company. And after that, everyone was banned from celebrating birthdays and holidays at work.
  • The rules that were adopted in order to have rules. There are people who, well, simply cannot live without rules, so they accept rules just like that. For example, if you need to receive a pack of paper for printing documents, you are required to fill out a form, it is obligatory to sign. Of course, no one will ever check whether you are printing your theses or books, but you will always fill out the form. Because someone needs it. Someone will not have a job without filling out the forms.
  • The rules that were passed down from above. This is the sin of foreign companies. They will adopt some kind of rule in the head office and send it to all countries. For example, the French will accept the rule to buy only French equipment for the office. And then in some remote office in Kazakhstan, employees wait for six months until another laptop is sent to them for a new employee or returned from the warranty service.
  • The rules are foolishly adopted. It happens that some stupid employee works. And instead of looking for a jewelry solution, he makes a stupid rule. And the whole company must be tormented by fulfilling his stupid rule. For example, the security department will close all USB ports for flash drives to prevent information theft. And that's all, you cannot copy the file with the presentation to the client.

Requirement 3. Down with the stupid rules!

If you want us to follow the rules, then gather us, voice the problem and ask us how to solve it. If you don’t like being late, you don’t have to come up with stupid fines. Ask what needs to be done so that we are not late, and together we will find a solution. Or we will convince you that our delays are more than compensated for by work after 18:00, and we cannot come by 9:00 due to traffic jams.

Myth 4. Employees avoid responsibility

You constantly say that you lack responsibility from us. You want us to be more independent.

You will be amazed when you learn that independence is our rosy dream. But the trouble is that your independence and ours are two different things.

Let's compare:

Do you want like this But you do it like that
Do you want us to be independent Don't trust us
You tell us to make our own decisions You constantly demand to coordinate

any sneeze with you

Do you want us to do tasks quickly You delay answering letters

to meet with you you need to wait a week, but I'm not ready to answer the phone

Only agree on the overall budget You control every account

you require a regular report, justification of spending

You are waiting for an effective result You don't give the authority to influence

to other people

You expect a feat from us Don't praise our successes


So which of us is dependent? Is it possible to learn to drive on your own if you keep your hand on the steering wheel and your feet on duplicate pedals? You hung the letter "U" on all sides, you constantly reinsure yourself, shout, and then ask why we arrived last in the race …

Requirement 4. Learn to trust! Start with small tasks, evaluate only the final result. Gradually move on to larger tasks.

Myth 5. Employees abuse company resources (phone, printer, stationery, taxi)

And it's true … Work has become so much a part of our life that the lines between it and home are washed away. And in fact, there is nothing wrong with the fact that, within the corporate limit, an employee will make several personal calls or if he makes a copy of his passport on a work copier. And it is impossible to fight against it. And if you come up with a thousand rules, then they will simply block the normal work of the employee.

Companies need to understand how ready they are to allow employees to use their resources and where is the line, crossing which the employee will become a criminal. After all, it is one thing to make a copy of the document for a visa, and another thing is to push a pack of paper home.

Or, for example, you can afford to call your wife on the number of the same operator as your company, but it is quite another matter to send an SMS to buy another game for your phone. You can take a pen with you from work to English courses, but taking home the scotch tape is already too much. You can ask a taxi driver to stop by at the embassy on the way to a client, and it is too much to use taxi coupons to get home after an evening drunkenness.

And here it is the leader by his own example (in fact, he and only he - not rules, not policies, not threats, not fines) shows what is permissible and what is not.

Requirement 5 … Show by your example where it is permissible to use the company's resources, and where it is a crime.

Myth 6. Employees are constantly ill, are late, ask for time off to solve their problems during working hours

However, like their bosses. Only the bosses do not notice this. In general, life is such a sudden thing that it is difficult to submit to strict rules. Better not to try. But you can do something that will help employees spend more time at work and less absence.

But first, dear boss, we want to inform you that such a concept as "absenteeism" (absence of employees at work) is a phenomenon widespread throughout the world, and the average is six days.

But, dear boss, you can significantly reduce this figure, and here are some of our tips:

  • If your employee is sick, make him go home yourself. He will not infect other colleagues, besides, three days at home will help to defeat the virus and not get complications, which will take two weeks to be treated.
  • Do not require sick leave if the symptoms are already present. Having gone to a hospital with a weakened immune system with a common ARVI, an employee has every chance of catching the virus.
  • Buy vitamins for employees, pay for vaccinations (the issue price is $ 20) - this will save them from illness.
  • If an employee needs to go on business, give him a company car - he will not spend the whole day on the subway, but will return to work in three hours.
  • Create conditions under which the employee can work on weekends and take time off on weekdays.
  • And, as you could already understand, the more you care about us, about your employees, the less we are absent from work.

Requirement 6. Take care of your employees!

Myth 7. Employees are constantly begging for better wages instead of doing better work

Dear boss, there is such a phrase: "The well-fed does not understand the hungry." When you get more, you don’t understand why we want to earn more.

We want to remind you of Maslow's pyramid:

Office drummer's manifesto
Office drummer's manifesto

And here is its monetary equivalent for you to understand:

Pyramid level Where is the money spent How much you need to earn, $
Physiological needs Food 200
The need for security Utilities, transport 300–500
Need for love Gifts, going to clubs, bars, restaurants 500–1 000
The need for respect Clothes, watches, appliances, meeting with friends 1 000–1 500
Cognitive ability Trainings, trips abroad, going to the theater, cinema 1 500–2 000
Aesthetic needs Paintings, beautiful furniture, decorations 2 000–3 000
The need for self-actualization Your own projects, hobbies, hobbies, charity from 3000


Until we reach the top level, we will want to earn more. Not because we work better. Not because we are growing professionally. Not because we take on more responsibilities.

And when we reach the top level, then we already want to earn more because we consider it to be a recognition of our achievements, fair payment, a natural exchange of energy.

But the most important thing is that, by wanting to earn more, we can really be useful to you:

  1. Do more work.
  2. Show better results.
  3. To take responsibility.
  4. Develop.
  5. Help you solve your problems.

Therefore, let's not harbor illusions about each other and conclude a contract with you: you tell us what we must do to earn more, and we fulfill our part of the contract.

But know, as soon as we move to the highest level of the pyramid, we really become mega-effective and our motives completely change and become the same as yours.

Requirement 7. We want clear rules for wage growth.

Myth 8. Employees think about how to quickly escape from a difficult job to a simpler and higher wage

You think that we do not want to work for you, that you are a bad boss, that we do not like our job. You believe that we want to work easier and for more money. But the truth is, we want to work for a company and for a boss who cares about his employees. Keeps them from getting fired, helps them solve problems. In such a company and with such a boss, we can move mountains!

In fact, if we see that we are valuable to you, that you don’t want to let us go, that you ask us to stay, because we have lived so much together, then it is very difficult for us to leave for a company where we no longer need to work 12 hours a day., and it will be possible to receive one and a half or even two times more.

Therefore, just show how important we are to you, help our development, help solve our life problems, praise, reward, raise your salary as much as possible, and we will never leave you!

Requirement 8. Retain your employees by all means!

So here's our manifest:

Office drummer's manifesto
Office drummer's manifesto

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