SELECTION: The Art of Saying No

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Each of us has been rejected at least once in our lives. Hearing “no” is so unpleasant that we ourselves tend to refuse less often, especially to our loved ones. As a result, unnecessary responsibilities at work or on weekends that you do not spend at all the way you wanted. In the psychology of communication, it is said that people are often afraid of offending with their refusal. Therefore, it is important to be able to say no tactfully. Ideally, make the person asking him to refuse the request.

You need to refuse on time … Agree, it will be unpleasant if you are interrupted in the middle of a sentence. Therefore, say “no” either right away, as soon as a request looms on the horizon, or listen to all the details and make it clear to the interlocutor that you understood his request.

Failure options … Refusal is a psychological impact. So calculate the strength with which you use it.

Non-verbal rejection

This is the mildest way to refuse. You do not actually refuse, but make it clear to the interlocutor that you have to refuse. It looks like this:

- Pause

- Eye contact

- Half smile (you are kind of glad that you were contacted, but you regret that you cannot accept the request)

- Address by name

- Pause

All this fits in 1-2 seconds. A delicate person perceives this as a refusal. If this does not help, then you can briefly turn on the "mumbler" (as the Swedes often do). That is to say, something like "Nuuuu", "Mmmmm", "How do you say …". By doing so, you show how difficult it is for you to refuse. If this did not help, then we increase the degree of refusal.

Refusal-regret

This is already a stronger form than non-verbal rejection. But she also belongs to the soft. Best of all, the British manage to refuse. Let's remember the lessons from school:

- "I'm sorry …" (Sorry …)

- "I'm afraid …" (I'm afraid …)

- "I have to …" (I have to …)

Further, without going into details, you explain why you actually refuse. Example: "I'm sorry, but the circumstances are such that I have to refuse."

Final refusal

Quite often in our culture, soft rejection is not perceived as "no." Therefore, it is sometimes necessary to apply a rigid form. Using not only the words of regret, but also “this is a refusal”, “my answer is no”, “this is my final decision”, “no, period”, you will be able to convey to the interlocutor the final tactful “no”. Example: “I'm sorry, but I can't help you. This is the final decision."

Postpone the decision

This is the easiest way. Just do not forget to contact the applicant later and report your refusal. Naturally, in compliance with the above recommendations.

And in conclusion, a banal advice. If you often have to decide to refuse on the same issues, then formulate principles for when to say no. Here is an example diagram from Jessica Hische "Should I work for free?" By composing something like this, you get rid of the pressure of the present moment and relieve yourself of moral responsibility for your every "no."

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