4 barriers to relationship development

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

You are dating, everything is going well, but for some reason the next step does not succeed - the transition of relations to the state of "we are together for a long time and in earnest." Sound familiar? Do you know what you can do here? Here are some ideas on how to get your future couple to say yes. Or not". This sometimes also simplifies matters.

If you hear the common phrase "In a relationship, one loves, the other allows himself to be loved," ask: "In whose particular relationship?" After all, it happens that both do not love.

But love is a delicate matter. Until you understand whether it exists or not, several years will pass. Most relationships do not live up to the time when love has a chance to manifest. That is, the same true love. When you want to give your partner something just for his joy or for nothing at all. Without fear and without reproach.

And in the beginning, falling in love works, the desire to bind a person more tightly to oneself, in whom you see resources, you feel the prospect. When you shout about love, but inside - passion, pain, jealousy, hope, hatred. A lot of emotions.

And at this stage it really happens that the partner does not want to get involved in a relationship and, as it were, "allows himself to be loved." Although this is not love, as I said, but a hunt for resources, for valuable fur.

When this happens, the question is "why". Why doesn't he fall in love? Sometimes, after all, we meet, and even make some plans, and make love … but no, something does not catch on! How to understand what is the matter?

Let's look at four major obstacles that can stand in the way of a relationship from an episodic to a serious one.

1. Appearance

If you feel that you need a partner more than he needs you, then it may very well be that he simply does not like you outwardly.

You are not very pretty. And he will tell you anything except this truth, since men are rarely such boors, no matter what women say about them. I think 80% of sluggish relationships that can neither break up nor stick together fall into the category "Fuck yes, date yes, no more."

How to understand?

Directly - just ask: "Do you think I'm beautiful?" If he thinks, he will say “yes” or he will smile enough and keep silent (so as not to reveal his feelings). If he doesn’t count, he will start to play around, clarify, distract, say abstract things.

Indirectly - not to ask, but to think. For example, like this: “Is he bragging about me to someone? When he drives around the streets and places, when he introduces you to friends? Well no? Well, you will understand.

What to do?

First, stop listening to your friends' opinions. Secondly, to look at yourself soberly, that is, with male eyes. Thirdly, find professionals who will take care of you and make you as beautiful as possible. Fourth, if it doesn't work for your partner, find another.

2. Status

If you know for sure that your partner is crazy about your appearance, but still gets away from talking about the development of the relationship, perhaps you lack status.

That is, marriage with you seems to him a misalliance, an unprofitable deal. Maybe he has princes in his ancestors, and you have peasants. Maybe his parents are academicians, and yours are workers. Maybe he is rich and you are not. Maybe there is a critical (in his opinion) age difference. Maybe you are of a different nationality or religion. Well, you never know. Maybe everything is exactly the opposite, and this is also an obstacle.

How to understand?

Voice your inequalities in conversation and see how they react. The answer will be either bewilderment, or confirmation, or explanations, which can also be considered confirmation.

What to do?

Think about how you feel about inequality, and realize that in these relationships it will always be the norm. Do you want this?

3. Mind, habits, character

If you are 100% sure that he considers you to be an equal beauty in all respects, but still slows down the development of the relationship, perhaps he is not sure that you can be trusted.

This can mean you have habits or personality traits that potentially make the person involved in the relationship uncomfortable. Alcohol or drug abuse, a passion for gambling, a tendency to cheat, scandals, "brain drain", too many (more than zero) number of girlfriends, too strong a bond with the mother, the ability to publicly humiliate a partner … but you never know.

How to understand?

Are you fighting? Is he often dissatisfied with you? And you to them? Well, you don't need to understand anything. Women are often not serious enough about fights: just think, everyone fights. No, not all.

What to do?

First, find out what qualities he considers incompatible with family life. How to find out? Ask. Can't ask or think you won't answer? So you have discovered your first quality that is incompatible with a serious relationship. Work it through (this is the second), then continue.

4. Partner

If everything is okay with the previous three points, is he just an idiot?

Of course he's not an idiot. You wouldn't choose an idiot, would you? It's just that either in the previous three points everything is still not all right, or the reason is not in you, but in him. No, I'm lying. The reason is always in you. If he has not yet walked up and wants to choose further, you have not turned his head enough. If he has illnesses or debts that get in his way, you have not bothered to create the necessary trust in the relationship. If … In short, the responsibility is still yours.

How to understand?

Open your eyes to his oddities, which you until now thought were unimportant. And think again: for example, about when and how they manifest themselves, what explanations he gives them. In the early stages of a relationship, we are often very inattentive. These are the glasses of love that are arranged like that.

What to do?

First, avoid pressure - in the future it will come back to you with bitter tears. Second, be patient. Trust is largely a matter of time. Thirdly, if you have been showing this very patience for a very long time, ask yourself a sacramental question: "Do I really need it?"

The vast majority of unhappy relationships are based on the reluctance to leave the partner and continue the search. This is a strange phenomenon, isn't it? It seems that the partner does not fit, but it seems that it is impossible to let him go.

P. S. I understand that they will ask me: what about such an obstacle as another woman? This is a serious barrier to the development of relations! Ah, girls, no, no and no. You are not reading carefully. There is no other woman. More precisely, the whole world is another woman. And your beauty, your status, your character and your attention to your partner either leave him next to you, or pushed him back out into the world, in search of, into the relationship market. Where thousands of other women are waiting with open arms.