What if everything around you is against you

How triggers work

Triggers are the very signals that influence our behavior. Why is it so difficult for us to fight them? It's just that we are used to reacting to them in a certain way.

Getting out of the loop of habit isn't easy, but it can. First you need to understand that this process consists of three stages: a signal (trigger), a template and a reward. For example, for a smoker, stress may be a signal, nicotine use may be a template, and temporary stress relief may be the reward.

The best way to break the habit is to change the pattern while maintaining the reward and signal.

It's not for nothing that some people start to eat a lot when they quit smoking: this is their new reaction to stress. Of course, this is not the best solution, because instead of delicious cakes, you can just as well choose stadium jogging or relaxing music.

Now let's figure out what other triggers are present in our life and how we can change our behavior.

What triggers are stopping you

Adverse Circumstances

Philosopher boxer Mike Tyson said, "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face." Traveling along the road of life, most often we receive this blow from the environment.

Sometimes it seems to us that the whole world is against us. We can get angry at the cashier who miscalculated the change, give up if a colleague suddenly fell ill and did not make the report we need, upset about the flight cancellation. But these are all wrong reactions.

It is pointless to be angry with the circumstances. This is the same as being offended by a burned out light bulb. Do not be upset and blame someone for what happened. Calm down, accept the situation as it is, and act accordingly.

Misses of others

Does your subordinate make a spelling mistake in the presentation and do you scold him in front of everyone? Your wife is late for the performance, and you say: "Well, I told you that you need to get ready faster"? A friend commits a risky act, do you reason that you would certainly have acted differently?

Pointing to people about their mistakes and showing how smart you are is definitely not the best way to maintain a good relationship. And most importantly, you won't fix anything this way.

If you catch yourself reacting like this, learn to stop in time. Do not rush to prove your case, but think about how you can actually change the situation and help others.

Fatigue

Sometimes, after a hard day at work, we feel so exhausted that we ourselves do not notice how our ability to control ourselves is decreasing. The consequences can be different: someone, instead of an evening workout, allows himself to lie on the couch, someone takes out the accumulated aggression on the household, and someone makes a disastrous decision at a business meeting.

As with everything else, learning to notice the trigger and how you respond to it is the most important step towards fixing it. Be more attentive to everything you say and do in the evening after a busy day. To avoid trouble, schedule your most tedious meetings in the morning. Then make big decisions.

Try to save energy. A great way to do this is to have a clear plan of action for the day and follow it without being distracted by other things.

Distractions

Have you had to spend your work time talking with coworkers, chatting on social media, or endlessly checking your email? You are not alone.

Modern man is forced to work amid a multitude of distractions. But if you do not resist them, then you will surely face a mountain of unfulfilled tasks, fatigue and stress.

How can you avoid this? Make two lists. In the first, list the most important tasks for the day and indicate the time when you will be doing them. For example, from seven to eight you train, from nine to one you finish your report, from two to five you meet with clients, and from six to ten you completely devote yourself to your family. In the second list, list anything that can prevent you from achieving your goals.

You might realize that a buddy who constantly stops at your desk and adjusts to your leisure time in the evening is actually a distraction trigger. Then you need to "fire" him for a while. Or you may find that you regularly skip your morning workout, because after waking up, you spend a lot of time on social media. Force yourself to change this habit. Do not be distracted by anything until you have done what you planned.

Productive triggers

It is unlikely that it will be possible to list absolutely all negative triggers and our reactions to them. But now you can determine for yourself which signals prevent you from achieving what you want. Noticing them and correcting your behavior is already half the battle.

The next step is to create a network of productive triggers that will lead you to your goal. It can be any signal that prompts you to act.

For example, ask a friend to remind you to workout at a specific time. Before starting work, imagine how proud you will be when you complete all the important tasks. Or make a list of motivating questions to answer every night.

Start with the phrase "Did I do everything possible today to …", and then substitute what you promised yourself: keep in touch with friends, broaden your horizons, do physical education, find meaning in work, sleep and so on. This formulation will help you realize that you yourself can change a lot. Rate each item on a scale of ten to see if there is any progress. If you give yourself low marks, it will stimulate you to take more action.

External factors are beyond our control. It often seems to us that we are not able to influence them, and we feel like puppets of fate. In vain. Destiny is the cards that were dealt to us. The choice is how to play them.