How fairy tales help children talk about fear and death

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Children can be prepared for serious conversations from a young age with the books you read together. Such a conversation will not cause embarrassment to either parents or children, because it follows logically from what you read. Together with the book blogger Evgenia Lisitsyna, we will tell you how to conduct such conversations, using the example of a novelty from the Azbuka-Atticus publishing house - J. K. Rowling's fairy tale.

"" Is a tale about the magical land of Cornicopia, ruled by King Fred the Courageous. For a long time, there have been rumors about a terrible monster, an inhabitant of the swamps Ikaboge, who cruelly cracks down on lost travelers and animals. Nobody believes in Ikaboga, his name is used as a horror story for children. But one day it turns out that the monster still exists. The first children's work after the Harry Potter saga by J. K. Rowling is a good example of a fairy tale, the reading of which will help an adult discuss the most difficult issues with a child.

Why exactly fairy tales

Any reading suitable for his age is useful for the child. But fairy tales are one of the most powerful and versatile tools. They are suitable for very little ones who are more interested in bright pictures and the sound of the voices of their beloved parents. Fairy tales will also interest preschoolers, who memorize the episodes they like. And schoolchildren who better perceive the text with prompts and leading questions will also be interested in this genre.

By the way, about the pictures: the illustrations for the Russian edition "" were drawn by the children themselves from different cities. There is no doubt that they, as true professionals in matters of childhood, have chosen the most impressive moments for their perception.

Fairy tales are a rational contribution to a child's emotional intelligence. Using the examples of beloved characters and notorious villains, the little reader learns to empathize and react to injustice, forgive and hope for retribution. One fairly long book can serve as a guide for many years. After all, the more a child grows up, the more new things he will be able to understand and feel. For example, a very kid will simply hate the evil John-Tumak, who intrigues and threatens the main characters of Ikabog. And the student will already wonder why John is so angry - and who is to blame.

Which book to choose

You can't just buy the first collection of fairy tales that comes into your hands in order to move on to talking about serious issues. Prepare for this conversation to be neither easy nor quick. But a well-chosen book or even a stack of them will help alleviate the likely difficulties. It is best if this literature meets as many of the characteristics listed below.

Long enough

In long stories, the child has time to become attached to the characters and better understand their characters and problems. In such tales, another problem logically follows from one problem. One book is enough to discuss several important issues at once. In "Ikabog" there are more than 300 pages, where the reader meets several dozen characters with dissimilar characters and fates. The fear in the book is not the actions of the monster, but the actions of ordinary people. A child will wait with bated breath for the development of such a long and exciting plot. And when he grows up, he will gladly re-read the book on his own.

From several parts

It is no coincidence that the world was captured by serials. If a fascinating story on video or in text is served to us in portions, then we can stretch the pleasure and at the same time leave time for thinking about what we saw or heard. In a book format, it is most convenient to read one small chapter to the child every day. Then he will wait impatiently for the next "series", besides training his memory. It is helpful to remember what you learned the last time before you start reading. J. K. Rowling's Icabogue has 64 chapters, several pages each, so it will last for about two months … And then you have to start reading over again, because this is how children are arranged: they are ready to read their favorite fairy tales endlessly.

With difficult heroes

There should be several different difficult characters in the book, so that you can use their example to talk about difficult situations. It is difficult for a child to understand abstractions, and without a visual example, he will not immediately understand what you want to convey to him. But if a son or daughter empathizes with the heroes and worries about their fate, they will quickly learn to draw analogies between characters and real people. There are many bright heroes in "" who can captivate with their stories. It is easy for even the youngest readers to associate themselves with guys named Daisy and Bertie, who are always brave and honest. The cowardly king Fred wants to appear brave, but instead of a real fight with monsters, he loafers all day. Finally, it is impossible not to get angry when you read about the nasty, deceitful ministers - the skinny Slyunmore and the fat Flapun.

With vivid conflicts

A fairy tale requires spectacular events and conflicts. The plot and the tension are based on external difficult situations. Each of us can face some of them, others are possible only in a fairytale reality. But a grown-up child can easily draw an analogy with ordinary life. For example, Daisy and Bertie are starving and forced to wander in unfamiliar lands - how easy it is to understand these adversities! It is more difficult to imagine how evil ministers manage to deceive the inhabitants of the kingdom for a long time and keep them at bay. But with the proper imagination, you can find options for deception in our life with you.

Internal conflicts are just as important as external ones, and they lead to the most difficult conversations. For example, it is very difficult to understand how a person's character can change during an illness or depression. A kind and talented carpenter, separated from his family, sits in a dungeon and goes crazy, because he is forced to go against his conscience and do what will help to deceive people. This is already a topic for conversation with a schoolboy who has become skilled in book conversations. Younger children will be much more understandable about internal conflicts, for example, a coward-king who is afraid to show his weakness.

With a humanistic message

No matter how complex a fairy tale may be, it should remain kind, with a good message for the child. It doesn’t have to be the clearly articulated morality that squeezed so much in the children's literature of the Soviet period. The main thing is that there is always hope for a good outcome of any bad situation. Even if at first glance it seems that it is impossible. No matter how much the main characters of "Ikabog" suffer, we see: when they do not lean on the side of evil and do not give up, things gradually begin to improve. A charming baker, even in prison, bakes delicious muffins and cheers other prisoners with songs. Daisy, who got to the orphanage, does not forget her name and protects the younger children. And the best illustration of the concept of hope is the monster itself - Ikabog. He gives birth to good children, if he was treated kindly, and evil, accordingly, in the opposite situation. So if we all become kinder, then our fictional monsters will also switch to the bright side.

How to read a fairy tale and talk with a child about important things

Reading should be thoughtful, but you shouldn't turn it into study. In addition, for you it should not turn into a boring or unpleasant duty - the child will definitely feel it. Try to follow these simple rules.

Read the book yourself first

The best way to work with a book will go if you compile a list of difficult topics and difficult questions for the child in advance. Of course, this is impossible without a complete reading of the work. For example, in "Ikaboga" these are the following problems:

• Consequences of the lie: the king and the ministers are so lying that they cannot stop and come up with things worse and worse.
• Fear and fight against it: The children and inhabitants of the kingdom are afraid of Iqabog, but they get to know him better and deal with prejudices.
• Death of loved ones: Daisy and Bertie lose their parents to accidents and illnesses.
• Vindictiveness and the Consequences of Bad Deeds: Should Children Treat King Fred the same way he did to them?

In other books, it can be parental divorce, human vices, attitudes towards money, and other difficult topics.

Discuss what you just read

Ask your child leading questions as you read. The most useful is what he thinks about the character or his actions. Even if the baby does not yet understand the question too much, at first answer it yourself. When a child approaches the age of more meaningful interaction, he too will not immediately be able to give detailed answers. If it is difficult for your baby to find words and express his thoughts, you can offer him several answers for him to choose. Children quickly become involved in such a game. And if you do not hesitate to praise them and encourage activity and non-trivial thinking, then help very quickly ceases to be necessary.

Over time, you will see how the child shows more and more independence of thought. So you can ask more difficult questions. For example, you shouldn't ask a four-year-old baby why the last Ikabog is hiding from people. But the student can already speculate with interest about the reason for the character's fear.

Read regularly

The younger the child, the more repetitions of the same you will need. This is a banal physiology: children's memory and perception work on repetitions. Do not be embarrassed that at the request of the child you will have to reread some fragments, or even the whole book several times in a row. The same conversation on the same topic can also be repeated up to the last word. This is normal and helpful for learning topics that the child is not used to. A little later, he will be able to read and reflect on his own, and in the early stages, the foundations are laid that way.

Gradually complicate topics

As your child learns to discuss characters and actions, move from simpler questions to more complex ones. The simple ones can be answered in one word: agreement or disagreement, the name of the basic emotion, or a short word-for-word answer from the book. For example, very easy and obvious questions for kids - whether the character acted badly or well in a certain situation (for example, when King Fred lied that he shot a monster). For us, the answer is obvious, but it is important for the child to say it out loud and think it over for himself. Lying is bad, but this knowledge does not appear by itself.

Slightly more difficult questions are how the child relates to the character or his business. It is okay if the answer is “Yes” or “No” (for example, if you ask him if he is upset that the good Lady Eslanda has been locked up in the village alone). After all, this still requires a certain reflection from the baby and appeal to his own feelings.

Finally, the most difficult questions are about the motives of the characters' actions, which are not directly mentioned in the text. For example, why does Ikabog want to eat children if he has never eaten them before? To answer this question, it is not enough to read one sentence from the book. An entire chapter needs to be remembered and pondered.

Always use the examples from the book

Important questions should initially be raised solely using the examples from the book. Once you get in the habit of discussing literature in general, you can approach difficult topics. After looking at the example from the life of the character, gradually draw analogies with real life. A series of questions will help in this, where each subsequent one is getting closer to the child and deeper in its essence. But don't make that into the meaning of reading! As soon as the child begins to get bored or tired, the series of questions will need to be folded and left for another time.

Questions might be:

“King Fred is very cowardly, but he is afraid that he will be teased for it, so he pretends to be brave and in the end he lies a lot. Other people suffer from his lies. Do you think this is good or bad?

Did he have any other way out?

Would it be better if he was teased a little as a coward, but other characters would not get hurt?

If you didn't want to look like a coward or a fool, would you dare to lie like King Fred?"

Postpone overly difficult questions for later

You need to be patient and prepare that not always a child can understand everything the first time. Difficult topics are called difficult because it can be difficult for adults to deal with them. In this case, do not pressure the child, do not get angry and do not force him to "memorize" the correct answer. Try to find other examples or return to the topic a little later, when the son or daughter has accumulated more experience and knowledge about the world around, emotions and human relationships. If the tale is long and with a large number of components, then you can return to it dozens of times.