How to stop being a victim: practical advice from a therapist

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

The position of the victim leads to the fact that a person ceases to play a decisive role in his own life. Psychotherapist Wayne Dyer, in his book How to Get Rid of a Victim Complex, explains what to do to act like a free person today.

What does it mean to be a victim

These signs will help you understand that you are in the position of the victim.

1. You have no control over your own life

The victim is forced to think, behave and even dress. The steering wheel is almost always in the wrong hands.

Victims are primarily those who spend their lives under the dictation of other people. They find that they are doing things that are deeply unsympathetic to them, or they are drawn into activities that are alien to them, which mainly bring only a feeling of regret.

"How to get rid of the victim complex"

2. You are acting from a position of weakness

People with a victim complex often feel that they are not smart enough or capable of being proactive. Therefore, they choose a position of weakness: they shift important decisions to others, stronger and more solid, in their opinion, people. Victims avoid independence even in small things: they give up the right to choose a dish in a cafe or obediently go to a movie that they do not want to watch.

3. Life doesn't work for you

If it seems that you are wasting all your energy and time to please others, are forced to adjust and do what you do not like, out of a sense of duty, then you are in the position of a victim.

4. Anxiety and self-deprecation are your companions

The victims suffer from an inferiority complex. They belittle themselves in every possible way in internal dialogue and in front of other people. This shows up even in small things. For example, a person does not accept compliments, leaves a burnt piece of pie for himself, or agrees to a low salary.

Alternative behavior: free and strong personality

The opposite of the victim complex is the state of freedom of the individual.

Freedom means that no one bothers you to manage your own life in accordance with your choice. To settle for anything less is to choose one of the forms of slavery.

"How to get rid of the victim complex"

Do not fall for the tricks of people who suggest that freedom is selfishness and irresponsibility. Responsibility is the result of a choice, you take it upon yourself voluntarily. In no case should she lie down on you at someone's whim or under pressure from society.

"The freest in the world are those who are in harmony with themselves: they simply do not pay attention to the claims of others, because they themselves effectively arrange and direct their lives," - writes Wayne Dyer in his book.

How to get out of the victim position

Follow just two important guidelines.

1. Believe in your importance and defend it

The first step to overcoming the victim complex is realizing the value of your personality. Do not let anyone dispute or belittle your importance. Never put yourself below others.

2. Begin to act like a strong person

Develop the habits of free and independent people, get rid of self-condemnation and complaints about life. Do not expect gifts from fortune, rely on your own strength.

Practice confident behavior in everyday situations

To become a strong person, you do not need to perform feats or control others. It is enough to act from a position of strength in ordinary life situations. Practice regularly, and over time, confident behavior will become second nature to you.

Here are some tips to put into practice on a daily basis.

1. Stop asking permission from others

This, of course, is not about forgetting about politeness and invading other people's boundaries. A bad habit of victims is that they ask permission for actions that are within their boundaries and should be performed without someone else's permission.

Be clear about your legal claims or be open about your intentions. Instead of the question "Can I exchange an item?" put the seller in front of the fact: "I want to return the money for the suit, it is not my size." Don't ask your partner if you can go to a party or a football match. Communicate your plans directly, without excuses or guilty tone.

You are an adult and you can act in your own interests without someone else's permission.

2. Demonstrate Confidence in Conversation

Look your interlocutor in the eyes, speak clearly, without long hesitant pauses and interjections, do not go in circles. Posture and facial expressions are very important. Stand up straight (stoop is a sign of an insecure person), do not grimace, get rid of nervous gestures.

3. Don't help people if you don't want to

This may sound rude. But how many times have you already lent when you didn't want to? Or how many times have you listened to comrades' complaints about life simply because it is supposed to be? Refusal does not make you a bad and callous person. Remember, if you act like a victim in helping other people, you will be used. Do good deeds from a pure heart and free will, not out of decency or guilt.

4. Don't be afraid to talk about yourself and share with other people

Victims often pick up on every word and fear that any information will be used against them. Don't torment yourself with these kinds of fears. Years of fear to show your true nature in public leads to the fact that you forget who you really are and what you want.

Communication is meaningless and empty if you do not open up to other people.

Of course, the information must correspond to the situation and the degree of trust between the interlocutors. Don't go to extremes. The ability to maintain balance is another sign of a strong personality.

5. Demand high-quality performance of the services for which you pay

Check store receipts, restaurant bills, expiration dates and product safety. If you are not satisfied with the quality of our services, do not hesitate to claim replacement or compensation. Don't let the people you pay turn you into a victim. Do not brush off and silently leave the store or restaurant - demand quality service, a replacement dish or a refund.

Learn and exercise your consumer rights. For your money, you have the right to get a good product or delicious food. This does not mean that you should argue and create scandals anyway. The client can always vote with a ruble - just refuse to pay for poor service or spoiled goods. Going to a restaurant or store that doesn't put you at anything is the lot of the victim.

To say goodbye to the role of a victim once and for all, it is enough to make a firm decision to take your life into your own hands. Independence, confidence, a sense of one's own importance - these are the basis of the behavior of a free person. If you decide to bring this to life, then Wayne Dyer's book "How to Get Rid of a Victim Complex" will be a great help.