Compatibility and chemistry: how to build a fulfilling relationship

Stuck in a boring unemotional relationship or tired of a roller coaster of love? In order not to drag yourself into a destructive unpromising alliance with the wrong person, you need to figure out what compatibility and chemistry are. The life hacker is figuring out how to stop confusing these concepts and how understanding their essence will help build a full-fledged relationship.

Most articles with advice on choosing a soul mate say little about concepts such as compatibility and mutual attraction, or chemistry. It is assumed that people understand their meaning on an intuitive level. When you are attracted to someone, you just feel it. If you are dating someone with whom you have poor compatibility, this is also hard to miss. Just remember the feeling when you bite into a spoiled apple.

Compatibility and chemistry are usually ignored by the authors of such tips because they cannot be imitated or influenced in any way. Instead, we spend a lot of time learning ways of self-improvement, acquiring self-presentation skills, and mastering all kinds of tricky techniques that help to establish communication with members of the opposite sex. And all this in order to increase their value in the market of relations.

All these tips are needed in order to attract a person who seems out of our reach, to find a way to make him notice us. A girl you haven't met yet. The man you have dreamed of all your life. And if this unattainable man or woman is simply not compatible with us, well, we simply do not want to hear anything about it. But in vain.

What is compatibility

People often confuse compatibility and chemistry, but in fact, the difference between the two is very large. Most of us casually use these terms to describe the mysterious phenomena that occur between two people: an invisible and ineffable connection, or lack thereof.

In fact, compatibility is a natural coincidence in the values and lifestyles of two people. There will clearly not be compatibility between the priest and the stripper, so they are unlikely to dare to build relationships with each other at all.

Simply put, if you value smart, educated women and meet a college dropout who prefers big-muscle guys who love to hunt deer, you will clearly have an incompatibility with her. In all likelihood, your relationship will not work out.

Educated liberal men tend to meet liberal educated women. Hedonists choose hedonists. Religious fanatics opt for the same religious fanatics. And people with different moral values, as a rule, cause hostility to each other. Sometimes even complete intolerance.

What is chemistry

In turn, chemistry is the emotional bond that occurs between people when they are around each other. People, between whom a very strong chemistry is formed, evoke an emotional response from each other by some specific characteristics of their personality.

Warm emotions of one person are mirrored in another, and a certain cycle of positive reactions is created, thanks to which these people begin to feel better and better next to each other.

If you are strongly attracted to someone, that person occupies all your thoughts, and sometimes all of your free time. You coo all night, and it seems that only an hour has passed. If you hear a call, you hope that it is from the object of your sympathy. And most likely it is. You constantly wonder what he (or she) would think about this song, about this film, about the weather, how he would comment on your visit to the dentist and the like.

Chemistry can be called a passion, a disease. It is well described by the formula "spark, storm, madness." When chemistry occurs, something in your behavior and character traits triggers a dopamine spike in your partner. The same thing happens to you. And that's it, you are gone. You constantly spend time with each other, but you are always not enough. You whisper cute little things in each other's ear, without hesitation use the word with the letter "l" and annoy everyone around you within a kilometer radius.

Unlike lack of compatibility, lack of chemistry does not push people apart. Usually people who are not attracted to each other just get bored together. Their relationship lacks emotion.

Chemistry has a profound effect on sexual relationships. In her absence, the couple is doomed to boring, emotionless sex. And in the presence of strong chemistry, you are likely to have mind-blowing nights (and days) that will be remembered by both of you for a lifetime.

Where does chemistry come from

It is difficult to trace what exactly is the cause of chemistry. Any little thing can trigger the mechanism: for example, you like the way he or she laughs at your jokes.

The chemistry is felt instantly and equally by both sides. An important distinguishing feature of chemistry is the reciprocity of sensations.

If you feel something, you can be sure that your spouse feels the same way. For each other, you become ideal empaths.

Artist Alex Gray once said that true love happens when two people meet with inner cockroaches that complement each other. And there is some truth in his joke. Strong chemistry usually occurs between people with opposing but complementary personality traits.

A sensitive, energetic and slightly nervous girl can be extremely attractive to a calm, gentle and low-emotional young man. Introverts are usually naturally attracted to extroverts. Time management kings are often attracted to disorganized individuals who act spontaneously.

Is it possible to do without compatibility or without chemistry

As you might have guessed, compatibility and chemistry don't always go hand in hand. A relationship without chemistry, but with good compatibility, is likely to be a series of boring but comfortable meetings and dry conversations. They end either with the partners getting tired of this boredom and leaving, or with the fastening of this mutual convenience in the bonds of a marriage based on friendly relations. Unfortunately, this alignment is quite common.

On the other hand, chemistry without compatibility usually leads to sheer disaster. Sometimes, at the end of such a relationship, the only way out for former lovers is to disperse to opposite parts of the world.

Such a relationship is really like a disease. You know that he or she is completely unsuitable for you, but you cannot refuse this person. Your behavior becomes completely irrational, reason and heart are in constant discord. Both of you are immersed in a frantic cycle of love and hate. You constantly find excuses for your soul mate, and your friends watch this roller coaster with a drooping jaw. They don't know if they should risk their health and try to pull you out of this swamp or continue to support you while you spin in your love tornado with no hope of getting out of it and destroy your life in every possible way.

If you have strong chemistry in your relationship, but you are incompatible, this is bad. Very bad. Such relationships arise and develop extremely quickly, but just as quickly and fade away.

Soon you will realize that you are simply destroying each other's lives, but getting out of this union is much more difficult than it seems. Easier said than done, you have already fallen into a serious trap. Your brain beats the alarm, while you continue to follow the lead of the senses, or simply by your genitals, and the advisor of them is so-so.

All this ends with missed calls, changing locks, unrestrained drunkenness and tantrums. And if you are very lucky, you will have to experience for yourself what it is like to beg a pregnancy test not to show you a result that you would not want to see. The pleasure is highly questionable.

How to build strong and happy relationships

If you want a relationship to bring you joy and satisfaction, and this satisfaction was not limited only to the sexual sphere (although it cannot be ignored), you need to understand what compatibility and chemistry are. Obviously, in a good union, both are present.

You need to understand who you really are and what you want from your future partner. If you find it difficult to do this at the moment, you may have to gain enough experience to decide.

For example, you are a man with a fairly high level of intelligence. You understand that you cannot date a girl with whom you will have nothing to talk about. Yes, of course, you can drown out the dislike with a portion of alcohol and thus survive a couple of dates. But would you like to turn alcoholism into your hobby? Conclusion: you need to look for a girl with a high level of intelligence, because this characteristic is extremely important to you. This will take into account the compatibility aspect.

In addition, you need to decide on what kind of women you are attracted to. Let's say you find yourself attracted to energetic and determined women, they complement your nature well, because you yourself are quite calm and phlegmatic. Accordingly, when you meet such a person, you need to consciously approach the prospect of a relationship with him. Remembering that you need an intelligent woman, you most likely will not rush into the pool with your head. Likewise, you are unlikely to enter into a relationship with a gentle-minded intellectual, knowing that she will not satisfy you emotionally.

Choose wisely. It might sound too pragmatic, but compatibility or chemistry alone won't last long. It can be quite fun, but you clearly deserve a life without half measures.