5 scientifically proven ways to make relationships lasting and strong

Online dating doesn't work

If you want to find the ideal partner using some kind of computer algorithm or are going to consider the profiles of only those who have familiar words written in the “Interests” column, then you are doomed to failure in advance.

After all, research says that similar interests don't have a significant impact on relationships. The cumulative result of 313 individual studies demonstrates that your mutual love for Woody Allen's films will not help keep your marriage alive any longer. In 2010, the level of satisfaction of the spouses was studied. It turned out that the same interests of partners do not affect this indicator in any way.

When we want to meet a copy of ourselves, marry her and live happily ever after, we are making a big mistake.

Real life is completely different. Marrying someone just because he or she also likes to listen to Radiohead and cry is pretty silly. Your compatibility only affects 1% the length of your life together.

Any couple has problems. The point is how you will deal with these complexities. In other words, it’s not how you feel that matters. What matters is how you feel about your feelings. You need to find someone who expresses their emotions the same way you do.

University of Washington professor John Gottman has provided strong evidence that this is what affects how long a marriage lasts. The way you behave creates an emotional template that forms the common space for the couple to exist.

You shouldn't worry about making your partner love Scarlett Johansson's game. By choosing a spouse, you automatically get his problems. The only thing that should concern you is how to build relationships in such a way that there are as few conflicts as possible.

It's good to argue

You can even swear over little things. Seriously, that's okay.

Scientists believe that couples who fight more often than others about the most insignificant things lead a long and happy life. On the other hand, couples who fight only for the most serious reasons are more likely to get divorced.

Of course, you shouldn't swear on the first date, but the study says that if you spent three years together and practically didn't fight, you are most likely on the verge of divorce.

Scientists believe that swearing and arguing is a way of expressing feelings. Without them, your relationship becomes unhealthy.

You could say that Romeo and Juliet never argued. There is an answer to this too.

Romeo and Juliet is a bad example. Consider arranged marriage

Romeo and Juliet did not quarrel, because William Shakespeare decided to kill them long before the first conflict. This couple symbolizes romantic relationships so well only because they did not live to quarrel over unwashed dishes.

Passion is fast, captivating and light. But relationships are love, work and work. Instead of taking Romeo as an example, who instantly fell in love with Juliet for life, succumbing to the influence of dopamines, think of those whose marriage was arranged.

Arranged marriages are very difficult for both partners at the very beginning. But since there is nowhere to go from the submarine, both are trying to work on what is. Research confirms that arranged marriages are much more successful than marriages for love.

Of course, no one advises you to contract an arranged marriage. But it's worth learning from these people. They throw illusions away, realize that there is a lot of work ahead of them, and, rolling up their sleeves, begin to work on the relationship.

Everything that leads to success in life will help to achieve success in marriage

We talk so much about what needs to be done to be successful at work, school or life. It all works in a relationship as well. Do you want your partner to be faithful to you? Betrayed? Be firm. Girls, look for solid, confident guys. Men, pay attention to those women whose opinion does not change depending on the direction of the wind or the weather.

It is the hardness that helps us in life that is responsible for the ability to work on difficult tasks for a long time. Why is this important for a relationship?

Researchers say toughness helps you cope with circumstances and challenges. And in marriage, there are always some problems. Those who cannot solve them give up and quit relationships, work, and stop building a career.

Love won't last long on its own. Feelings remain hot and passionate only because people work on it.

Can Long Term Relationships Be Predicted?

Can. To do this, you just need to ask the couple about their relationship. Yes, it's that simple.

Psychologists at the University of Washington found that by the way partners describe their relationship, it is possible to predict whether they will divorce or not, with an accuracy of 94%. You just need to carefully consider how the spouses talk about their shared past.

POORLY:We had a fight. It was terrible. To be honest, Oleg behaved disgustingly.

OK:We had a fight. It was terrible. But we discussed this later. It seems that now we get along even better than before.

Every couple faces challenges. The only difference is how you are going to perceive and interpret what has been lived. You know, you don't need a lot of intelligence to say that a quarrel is bad, and Oleg is a fool. But you need to make a lot of effort in order to learn to appreciate not only the good moments, but also the bad ones, to make the most of the benefits even from conflicts and problems.

Nobody is happy running the twentieth kilometer of a marathon. But if you stop and do not reach the finish line, then you will definitely not be happy. The taste of victory and champagne is what will make the moment really enjoyable.

Let's sum up

Similar interests won't help. The same playlists are not the basis for a good marriage. It's worth starting to focus on your emotions.
Arguing can be helpful. Negative communication is better than no communication.
There is a lot of work ahead of you. And there is no getting away from her. Don't look at Romeo and Juliet. Learn from arranged marriages.
Be firm. Devotion. Honesty. This is what it means to be firm. This is the key to success at work and in love.
Be grateful for the difficulties. Tell your story, full of ups, downs and happiness from the fact that you went through all this together.