10 social attitudes that poison your life

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Folk "wisdom" should be analyzed, and not taken on faith.

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1. Happiness loves silence

The options are: "You laugh a lot - you will cry a lot"; "What you boast about, you will remain without it."

This attitude is explained in different ways. Some are looking for esoteric premises in it and talk about certain energies: they say, the Universe will see that you are happy about something and will take it away. Others give a more realistic interpretation: this is what people will see, envy and take away. There is a grain of reason in this interpretation. You should not boast about money in a dark alley, otherwise you can be left without it.

But basically all such attitudes are tied to the prohibition of emotions. Happiness and joy are basic, simple feelings that make life better. Each person manifests them in their own way. There is no right, normative way to rejoice. I don't want to share my happiness with anyone, to experience it inside - please. I would like to shout about him to the whole world - to your health, just observe the law of silence.

Changing according to someone else's standards, his manner of rejoicing, a person loses part of the pleasure. And in life, and without that there are not so many reasons for happiness to be scattered about.

2. Keep it simple and people will be drawn to you

The options are: “Lower the bar, otherwise you will be left alone”; "Make your face simpler"; "Are you the smartest or what?"

“Keep it simple” does not have a universal definition that would make it clear exactly what to become. This indication is situational and can mean literally anything. Rather, it suggests that you need to adapt to people.

On the one hand, the ability to integrate into the team is an important social skill, and it really helps in life sometimes. On the other hand, a person with "difficulties" has its own tangible advantages. They allow you to cut off the wrong people at the start. For example, what's the point of “being simpler” in a company that drinks beer in the garage on Fridays if you are a dedicated advocate of healthy lifestyles?

Of course, in relationships of any kind, you have to rub against each other. But the process will go much easier if the gears have teeth of the same shape and size.

3. Don't complain, it's even harder for others

The options are: “Why are you upset, you are not the first, you are not the last”; "This is also a problem for me, in Africa there are children starving."

It is difficult to comfort and support a person in distress. But these common attitudes are an eloquent example of how not to do this. Any grief must be experienced. Devaluing someone else's pain doesn't make the process any easier. But it can add to it feelings of shame and guilt, which worsen the situation.

A simple analogy: a man's wisdom tooth was pulled out, the wound sores. And no matter how much you tell him that someone in general suffers from chronic pain all his life, it will not become easier for him. But medicines and time will help.

If a person has wounds, in the soul or on the body, he has the right to experience as he wants. And if they are deep, you should see a doctor. But this is not a reason to punish yourself for suffering because of "nonsense" while someone is even worse.

4. They do not seek from goodness

The options are: "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"; “We didn’t live well, there’s nothing to start”.

To be able to be content with little and be happy even in cramped circumstances, of course, is great. But social attitudes seem to hint: be happy with what you have, and do not try to live better. The result is predictable: many will never try or live better.

At first glance, everything is logical. Let's say a person has some kind of work, friends, hobbies. He has no need, say, to rush to another city and risk what he has, because nothing may come of it, and therefore it is better not even to try. Radical changes are understandable to society only if life goes downhill.

In fact, any changes in life happen much easier when they are "from good." Let's take the same crossing. If a person has resources - savings, people who support him, social connections in a new place - it will be much easier for him.

And in general, everyone is responsible for their own lives. If one looks back 20 years ago and understands that all these years have passed not at all the way they wanted, the same society will not miss the opportunity to say: well, you yourself did not do anything to change something.

Therefore, while there is a desire, you should dare!

5. They are all like that

The options are: “All French women are beautiful and well-groomed”; “All tall people know how to play basketball”; "Redheads have no soul."

Assigning a set of characteristics to a large group as a whole is pretty silly. Even if we are talking about a group united by some one sign, this will not make its members mental and physical twins. For example, all people with cirrhosis of the liver can be considered alcoholics, but this will be far from the truth, because the disease has many other reasons.

To absorb and spread such stereotypes means building a fence around yourself with your own hands, making your world tiny. This creates the illusion of awareness: it seems to a person that he already knows everything, although his knowledge is based on dubious conclusions.

However, behind this fence there are many people and phenomena that make life more interesting and multifaceted. It is they who make it clear that more than one scenario of existence is possible, there are many of them and they are diverse. And this understanding can ultimately lead to greater inner freedom and happiness.

6. Do not be indignant. I also don't like a lot of things, but I am silent

The options are: "Every cricket know your six"; "What do you need most of all, or what."

This position is taken in situations of any scale - from troubles in personal life to relationships with the state. It is clear that in some cases it may be unsafe to be indignant. However, most of the troubles are easy to solve, if you do not remain silent and do not pretend to be a victim, but clearly state your position.

The tendency to stick out is common at all levels. For example, those gathered in line may reproach someone who had the courage to ask to open a second cash register. And then they will happily rush to enjoy the benefit that the one who was not silent gave them. But if initially everyone is silent, then nothing will change at all.

7. God will give a child, and will give to a child

Option: "God gave a bunny, and he will give a lawn."

If this were true, then there would not be a single half-starved and half-dressed child in the world. And the average salaries in the country unequivocally hint that it is better to hope in material matters for something more reliable than folk wisdom or the state.

Children are serious. First of all, they need love. And also in food, clothing, medical services, education. Roskosvat is not necessary, but there are basic things that can make his life much easier and happier. In the end, it’s strange to let someone into this world so that they overcome adversity from birth.

Sometimes, after having children, the family really starts to live better. But this happens more often, because parents understand what their responsibility is now, and begin to work harder. It is safer, of course, to start even before childbirth, and not dream of divine impulses.

8. You need an heir

The options are: “First the nanny, then the lyalka”; "If you don't give birth to a boy, the husband will leave."

It doesn't matter if the couple have no children or already have, but the "wrong" sex, they will be strongly advised to give birth to an heir. Apparently, the advisers are very worried about the fate of someone else's property. For them, there is news from the 21st century: gender does not matter in the distribution of inheritance. Moreover, even in Great Britain, the right to the throne is now passed on by seniority, without looking into cowards. And this inheritance is more serious than a mortgage odnushka on the outskirts.

And it's not even bad when the families in which the girls were born are besieged by well-wishers with advice to give birth to an heir. It is much worse when the parents themselves broadcast it and treat their daughters as "probes" of children. Telling a child that he is second-rate and letting others do it is a bad idea. Like thinking that an older child should help raise a younger one. This is entirely the choice and care of mom and dad.

9. He did it, and you can

Option: "Look, what is the son of my mother's friend!"

Perhaps someone's constant comparisons with more successful people lead to success. But they can also lead a person to depression and other mental disorders, because there is little constructiveness in them. Too heterogeneous inputs for comparison: not only people are different, but also the circumstances.

Imagine that two people are applying for a job in a large firm. One of them grew up in a complete, well-to-do family. He studied at a private school, and every summer he improved his languages abroad. Then a prestigious university and an excellent job in the firm of his father's friend awaited him. The second candidate was raised by my grandmother on her pension. Therefore, he studied himself as best he could and entered a good university, but at the same time he worked a lot to ensure his existence, and he did not work by profession. And how do you compare them? Let the first one be one step ahead, is it more successful? But the second traveled an incomparably longer and more difficult path to be only one step behind.

Any comparisons are useless here, they only spoil the mood. It is better to look for motivation elsewhere.

10. One must live not for joy, but for conscience

Option: "I am the last letter in the alphabet."

Altruism was presented as the highest good for many years. If you don't rip off your last shirt while someone is freezing next to you, you are a bad person. If you do not hesitate to admit your merits - too. But the point is that healthy selfishness is not the opposite of altruism. Moreover, if a person takes care of himself, he is not hungry, not naked or unhappy, it is easier for him to help others.

Suffering as a whole is deeply embedded in our culture. In part, this is the contribution of various religious movements, which present it as a direct path to the kingdom of heaven. But the communist 20th century, with its collectivism, did not promote self-care. And therefore, just in case, it is better to suffer, you never know what. Moreover, it's easy to do. For happiness, you need to make some effort, but you can suffer without doing anything. It is also convenient to push the responsibility for your life full of suffering onto someone else.

Happiness is very much a choice. Change your unloved job for your favorite. Break up a terrible relationship. Do what you like, even if someone doesn't approve of it. It's okay to be happy, but you don't have to suffer.