Pen pals in the Zoom era: what's special and how to maintain it

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Social networks and instant messengers do not interfere at all with writing long letters and using snail mail.

Ever since we had instant messaging, video calls and social media, traditional correspondence - via e-mail and even more so paper letters - would seem to have died.

Nevertheless, there are people who still choose this particular format of companionship. Let's figure out what is the peculiarity of such a relationship and what to do so that they please you as long as possible.

What is penpal friendship

There are several options now:

• paper letters, or "snail" mail, as it is called in English (snail mail);
• emails;
• exchange of postcards - postcrossing (here you need to remember that you cannot write much on a postcard);
• "Fast" messages in social networks, chats and instant messengers.

The latter, however, are very different in spirit from classical correspondence: there is no need to wait until the message reaches the addressee, it is immediately clear whether he has read the message.

How people look for penpals in the modern world

Gone are the days when people looked for friends through the newspapers or corresponded only with those with whom they already knew personally. Even such a traditional and in a good way old-fashioned form of communication, like the exchange of letters, now has a pronounced digital flavor.

I started communicating by letters about seven years ago. I knew about paper correspondence, but I was convinced that after our parents no one communicated this way anymore.

On VKontakte I came across a picture with a chamomile field. Under it, a girl from Ukraine (I'm from Russia) said that she would like to communicate with letters. I responded. The correspondence died out almost immediately, but I really liked the process itself. So I decided to find out if there were groups for finding penpals and started chatting. Then I found out about postcrossing and immediately registered on the site.

If we discard the situations when people first get to know each other, for example, on a trip or on vacation, and then start a correspondence, then everything looks something like this:

• The person decides that he wants to find remote interlocutors.
• He goes to sites dedicated to finding penpals, joins specialized groups, installs applications.
• Then he looks at the profiles that other participants have posted, and writes to them or creates his own profile and waits for someone to contact him.
• Hooray! The interlocutors were found, letters - electronic or paper - fly back and forth. Communication begins, and if the stars come together, it will be pleasant, long and exciting.

Nadezhda Loves paper letters since childhood.

The first correspondence began with an acquaintance with a girl from America, when we were eight years old. Our letters were passed on through her aunt and uncle. It was an unusual experience: receiving beautifully wrapped letters, painted with colored pencils, and her little photographs, exchanging gifts, telling her about her life. I also remember the moments from my childhood, how my dad and I went to the post office and sent postcards to our relatives. It was great!

Then I was looking for penpals during my school and college years. I advertised via teletext on TV and received a lot of responses. Some of these guys entered my life for a long time, some disappeared, but this is natural.

At about 23 years old, I began to look for friends by paper correspondence through special groups on VKontakte. At that time, I made friends with whom it was interesting to communicate, and the passion for unusual paper and envelopes came, it was great to send and receive meaningful letters in such a beautiful form. Sometimes surprises also came: tea bags with pie recipes, magnets, postcards (not only purchased, but also homemade), even an icon.

Addressees can be found not only in your country, but all over the world: it depends only on your knowledge of other languages. In any case, if desired, the relationship can then be transferred to real life.

Daria

Thanks to the letters, I met two amazing people: a girl from France who knows Russian, and a Brazilian Joe, who is studying Russian and is simply burning with Russia. He also teaches Russian to Brazilian students, and I once had a video link with them. Joe will come to Russia and will definitely visit my city. I'll finally see him. This is an unforgettable experience. Where else would I find this?

Keeping in touch with letters is just as difficult as it is in person. The letter may get lost, and your interlocutor will simply wave his hand and will not try to find you. But among those who love paper correspondence, there are a lot of cool people with whom it is incredibly interesting. If you fit together, communication will not come to naught.

What people find in correspondence

It would seem, why wait for a letter for several weeks if you can just write a couple of messages, send a photo or a meme, and even add emoji and stickers on top of it? Why print letters on paper at all, if you just press a button and see the interlocutor on the screen?

Communication with the help of long "snail" correspondence has its advantages. First of all, it is a special atmosphere: there is something romantic and cozy in pulling an envelope with different stamps and postmarks out of a drawer, to open it, get rustling leaves, sit down and slowly read a thoughtful multi-page message.

Daria

I am very attracted to the idea that a person, perhaps from the other end of the world, spends his time talking about himself, asking about me, looking for postcards that are of interest to me, filling out a letter, picking up an envelope or making it himself, standing in line in the mail to send the letter. And it will fly hundreds of kilometers, go through many hands, before the postman throws it into my box.

It's so interesting for me to read about a person: how his day went, what worries him, how he burns. It's worth the wait.

And then collect your thoughts and write an answer: choose cute paper and a pen of your favorite color, decorate the letter with drawings, stickers and appliqués, put a flower or a bookmark that was dried in summer in an envelope as a small souvenir.

Many people lack this coziness, sincerity, warmth and unhurriedness, so people choose to communicate by correspondence.

Hope

I like a lot in paper correspondence. Open the box and get a letter out of there. Choose beautiful envelopes and paper for your messages. The process itself, when you write by hand on paper. I like to receive small surprises. To hold and read a letter, especially when it comes from someone with whom to communicate mentally. And if it is also beautifully designed, there is no limit to happiness.

Moreover, paper letters and social networks are not competitors for me. My close friends and I keep in touch both there and there.

What is the peculiarity of penpal friendship

First of all, you do not see the person in front of you, and sometimes you don’t know at all what he looks like. You cannot touch him, hear his intonation, see the expression on his face. To some, a relationship without all this may seem incomplete. It is even possible that without personal contact, there will be less affection and intimacy between people.

Ira Shares ordinary and "paper" friendship.

I usually refer to my penpals as "paper" friends. Not all, but just friends. With some of us, we really developed not just communication, but friendship. Still, there is no such warmth in social networks that in letters, and you dive into a letter when you write it.

This is generally surprising: the person with whom you correspond becomes somehow even dear, although you have never seen him in your life, he is so far from you.

At the same time, I have a slightly different perception of "paper" and ordinary friends. I don’t know why this is so, but it’s easier to call someone a friend in letters than in real life. This does not mean that I treat pen pals worse, absolutely not. On the contrary, I believe that in the end communication by letters should lead to friendly relations. And if it was "just like that", for a while, I don't like it.

Of course, distance and time affect relationships. You have to wait for emails, even if you communicate by email and do not depend on the vagaries of the usual. Such communication is much easier to negate and abandon.

On the other hand, correspondence can be much more emotional and personal than live meetings, chatting in instant messengers and phone calls. It is almost impossible to quarrel in paper letters or rashly say nasty things to each other: you will cool down before you put the message in the envelope. People have the opportunity to calmly ponder every word and say only what is really important.

Hope

Several paper friends became very close to me. Friendship arose and developed mutually and naturally. We found common topics, shared warm emotions, sought mutual assistance, told each other about our experiences.

Correspondence differs from live communication only in that we do not see each other in person, we live in different cities, far from each other, but we look forward to our meeting when it is possible. This does not affect the warmth and depth of communication.

How to maintain pen pals

At the heart of any long-term relationship is mutual interest and respect, a willingness to give a partner time, energy and emotions. Correspondence is exactly the same relationship as any other, the only difference is in the way of communication. Therefore, the rules are generally universal, only adjusted for the peculiarities.

1. Choose your interlocutor thoughtfully

It is important that you have something to talk about, your views and values coincide, and in general, the person and his profile “responded”, aroused keen interest. Otherwise, communication will quickly cease, and one day you simply do not want to "drag out" the next letter.

Ira

Throughout my "paper" history, a lot of people have passed through my life, communicated with many or tried to communicate. Almost all of them are from Russia.

Basically, I try to correspond with people who are closer to me in age, but still more comfortable. You read the questionnaire and understand that you want to write to him, that he suits the style of communication, interests, maybe somehow else.

I used to write to a lot of people, now I rarely send my first letters, because I already have enough interlocutors, and it is very difficult to find a suitable questionnaire. But, as they say, their own will not leave.

2. Be responsible

Correspondence requires some discipline. It takes time to write a letter, there is a temptation to postpone this activity for a day, then for another, and then for a couple of weeks. At the same time, somewhere out there, in another city or country, a person will be waiting for your message. And huge pauses clearly will not make the relationship stronger and warmer. Therefore, it is important to reply to emails as soon as possible.

Where to find pen pals

Here are some helpful ideas and services.

1. Groups in social networks

For example, the community "" on "VKontakte" or the Worldwide Snail Mail Pen Pals on Facebook. You can choose similar communities by yourself - just type in "paper correspondence", snail mail or similar requests in the search bar of the desired social network.

2. Hashtags

This method is common on Instagram. Using hashtags such as #lookinforpenpals, #penpalneeded, #penpalsearch, #penpalwanted, #exchanging emails, #correspondence friends, you can find posts from people looking for penpals, or accounts that accept and post profiles. This is a great way to find a conversation partner from any corner of the world.

3. Language exchange services

One of the most famous -. Basically, people communicate right there, on the site, but you can indicate in your profile that you are looking for an exchange of paper letters, or look for profiles with this option.

4. Applications

The sweetest and most soulful app is, perhaps, Slowly. Letters need to be written directly in the service itself, but they do not come immediately, but only after a few days, thus imitating "snail" mail. Searching for recipients in Slowly is very flexible, all participants are hidden behind nicknames and cute avatars.