Why are we afraid to be happy

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Is it true that someone who laughs a lot will cry a lot in the end.

Imagine the situation. You were promoted at work, your salary is now higher, and your boss and colleagues said a lot of nice words. In a couple of weeks, you will go on a long-awaited vacation, everything is calm at home, there is no need to complain about your health either.

It would seem that everything is fine, you can relax and enjoy life. But you don't feel joy at all. Vice versa. Inside, somewhere behind the solar plexus, a vague anxiety is tossing and turning. Yes, everything is fine now, but what if something terrible happens?

If you felt something like this, then you are faced with the fear of retribution for happiness. In another way, it is called cherophobia or hedonophobia.

What is this fear

Literally "cherophobia" is translated as "fear of joy." This is not a disease, there is no such diagnosis in ICD-10. Statisticians, how many people are afraid to be happy, also no one leads. But some doctors consider Cherophobia to be a type of anxiety disorder. They developed what is called the Fear of Happiness Scale. And here are the statements that reveal that a person is suffering from this condition:

• I don't want to be happy, because joy comes sadness.
• I believe that the more I am happy, the more bad things will happen to me.
• Good times are often followed by bad times.
• If you have a lot of fun, something terrible will happen.
• Excessive joy leads to bad consequences.

Those who are susceptible to cheerophobia believe that a terrible reckoning will surely come for happiness and fun, and something tragic will happen in their lives. Therefore, they blame themselves for violent emotions and forbid to rejoice too much.

And sometimes they even refuse to go, say, to a concert or a party. Or they alienate themselves from opportunities that can lead to positive change.

For example, the fear of changing jobs may be behind not only the fear of the unknown, but also the fear of being happy: “Suddenly I’ll find a great job, and then something bad will happen to me, because good always has to be paid for”. By the way, some psychologists believe that these two fears are closely related.

Why are we afraid to be happy

Magical thinking

Few have not heard in childhood the saying "You laugh a lot - you will cry a lot." It has variations, but the essence is the same: do not be happy, otherwise it will be bad. It would seem that it is just a saying, is it really because of her that someone is afraid to be happy?

However, the proverbs, songs, sayings and fairy tales that we repeatedly hear from childhood only seem harmless. They form certain attitudes in our minds. Often negative. And they affect the way of thinking and attitude towards life.

Even skeptics, seeing how a black cat runs across their path, no, no, and even think about whether to take a different path.

And if a laughing child was often cut off and said that he was pleasing demons and he would have to pay for laughter with tears, it is likely that this idea will unconsciously take root and result in cheerophobia.

This is one of the options for magical thinking: a person tries to avoid unhappiness through certain actions or rituals. For example, hangs a horseshoe over the door. Or trying to have less fun.

By the way, not only proverbs and folk wisdom are to blame. There are other, quite modern statements that lead us to believe that happiness is necessarily followed by grief. For example: life is like a zebra, it has black and white stripes. Or a more "mathematical" version of this idea: life moves along a sinusoid.

Religion

“Woe to you who laugh today! For you will mourn and weep,”says the Gospel of Luke (Luke 6:25). It is likely that the idea of a sinful laugh, after which you will definitely have to cry, came from this very statement. Yes, he has different interpretations, and not all of them are straightforward. But interpretations and context do not always concern people; in their minds, first of all, the very idea is fixed: to be happy is bad and scary.

This idea in one form or another occurs repeatedly in religious texts.

Not laughter is evil, but evil is when it happens without measure, when it is inappropriate. The ability to laugh is embedded in our soul so that the soul sometimes gets relief, and not in order to relax.

John Chrysostom vol. 12, part 1, conversation 15

Complaining is better than laughter; because when the face is sad, the heart becomes better.

Eccl. 7: 3

If you knew what I know, then, of course, you would laugh a little, but cry a lot!

Hadith

You can be unbeliever and be skeptical about such texts. But religious ideas - through culture, politics and public opinion - still reflect on our worldview and shape a certain way of thinking. Which instructs us to divide joy into moderate and excessive, and to fear punishment for "laughing too much."

Childhood Injuries

Psychologists believe that parental attitudes and childhood traumas can be at the heart of cherophobia. If it was customary in the family to restrain positive emotions and constantly expect punishment for joy and fun, it is likely that the child will learn this way of thinking and bring it with him into adulthood. So is the anxiety that children of anxious parents are prone to.

In addition, the fear of retribution for happiness can arise if a connection between pleasure and punishment is formed in the child's mind.

For example, he was yelled at after he enthusiastically painted the wallpaper with paints or seasoned the soup with red pepper and cat food. The man had a lot of fun, but after the fun came the punishment: they raised their voices, took away the toys, put them in a corner, maybe even beat them. If a similar situation is repeated often, the child may learn that having fun is a bad idea.

Cherophobia is not only about punishment and abuse. Other traumatic events can also lead to it. For example, parents opened their own business, and at first things were going very well. And then difficulties began, the company went bankrupt. I had to tighten my belts tighter, get into debt, give up the usual comfort. Stories like these can hit a child really well and form an attitude: if everything is good now, then something bad will happen soon.

How to deal with your fear of happiness

Since Cherophobia is not a disease, there are no treatment regimens for it. For a start, you can try to cope with it yourself. Here's what might help.

• Keeping a diary. You can put your concerns on paper and figure out where they came from. In addition, writing practices reduce stress and help release fears and obsessive negative thoughts.
• Meditation. We can talk about its benefits for a very long time. Meditation helps to cope with stress and anxiety, normalize blood pressure and sleep, and get rid of addictions.
• Yoga. Besides the fact that regular practice makes the body strong and flexible, it also helps to cope with anxiety and depression.

If the fear of retribution for happiness prevents you from enjoying life and you cannot cope with it, be sure to see a therapist. It will help you find out where the roots of your fear come from and work through the situations that led to its appearance.