5 techniques for introverts to successfully connect with the outside world

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Secular Lion, Emergency Exit, As If and other techniques will help you have a good time at a party, cope with public speaking and ask for a raise.

Hello. I am Julia, I am 42 years old. If you come to visit me without warning, I will pretend that no one is home. I'll turn off the phone on my birthday. A corporate party would prefer an evening with a book on the couch. But first we need to get to know each other, and this is not easy. I come across as arrogant and detached. But I know how to listen, and I prefer actions to empty chatter. If we become friends, it will be a long and trusting relationship. I am an introvert.

Introversion is not a diagnosis, but just a feature of the mental organization, in which the comfort zone is not outside, but inside us. It is cozy, warm and interesting in it. A fiery lion is running, Kant is dozing in an armchair, Bor is eager to talk. And all this accompanied by magic music. In general, all the conditions are for less contact with the outside world.

The problem is that society always has its own plans for us. Why would he reckon with our comfort? Whether you are an introvert or someone else, please follow social norms. So sometimes you have to leave your usual shelter and be active. Make acquaintances, pass interviews, communicate with the boss, taxi driver, security guard and, most importantly, talk, talk, talk. Because we will either declare our desires ourselves, or they will remain unaccounted for. And this is unnerving.

How to overcome the obstacle course and keep your peace of mind? I will share five techniques that will help introverts to harmoniously integrate into this insanely communicative world.

1. Forward technique

When will come in handy

If you need to ask for help, ask your boss for a bonus, inform your neighbors that loud music is interfering, tell the seller that you have been cheated, make an appointment by phone, and so on.

How to apply

A forward in football is an attacking player whose main task is to score goals. In essence, the forward defends the interests of the team by attacking. And this requires a certain amount of aggression. In introverts, aggression is directed inward, and not outward, so it is always difficult for us to ask, insist, defend our interests. We also love to think out the opponent's reaction: how he will react to the request, whether he will get angry, whether he can answer or is busy with important things. In indecision, we can walk for hours.

Take the courage to take the first step and send the ball to the side of the interlocutor. Act without thinking.

Start with everyday situations, and then transfer them to more meaningful for you.

The secret of this technique is to get out of the begging position and take the place of the player defending the interests of his team. Mentally shift the focus from yourself to those close to you. It's always easier to ask for someone. For example, you ask for a salary increase to pay for your son's courses; a discount from the seller to buy more products for the family dinner. Remember also about the inner Kant: loud music from neighbors prevents him from dozing.

2. As if

When will come in handy

On a date, at an interview, if you need to speak in public, at a crowded party, and so on.

How to apply

Introverts tend to be overthinking and doubtful. And the quality of thoughts is known to directly affect feelings and behavior. Let's go the other way.

Start behaving as if you were the life of the company, a charismatic speaker, attractive, sexy, easy-going - that is, you had the qualities that you lack for self-confidence. Pretend until you succeed. Show initiative, smile, maintain a conversation, share knowledge and experience.

The more often you act as if you were confident in yourself, the more confident you really will become.

The emotions you experience will change the way you think. No miracle: even simulated positive emotions send signals to the brain, in response to which endorphins begin to be produced. In psychotherapy, this method is widely used in the treatment of various anxiety disorders.

The secret of this technique is to make "as if" a part of ourselves. An imaginary space where we can feel confident and relaxed helps to relax and gather in various life situations.

3. Emergency exit

When will come in handy

At a decisive conversation, at new acquaintances, at noisy events and other "obligations".

How to apply

I love this tactic for being versatile and effortless. Introverts are forced to live according to social norms invented by extroverts. “I have to be sociable”, “I have to show that I’m having fun”, “I have to like it”, “I have to participate in wedding contests”, “I should not worry” - these are just a few that I have heard over the years. work. All these "shoulds" kill every sense of freedom and lightness in us and completely confuse us.

Develop for yourself your own set of rules that do not prohibit, but allow. Allow yourself to be yourself, reckon with your own characteristics and desires. For example:

• it is allowed to worry before an important acquaintance;
• it is allowed not to leave the house for three days after the interview;
• it is allowed to come to the party, check in and leave;
• it is allowed not to go to the birthday of a second cousin's uncle;
• it is allowed to simply nod in conversation without answering anything.

Etc.

The secret of this technique is to stay in your own comfort zone in any unfamiliar environment and be able to quietly proceed to the "emergency exit".

4. Power saving mode

When will come in handy

At private or official receptions, if you work in open-space, when participating in lengthy negotiations, speeches.

How to apply

During intense communication with introverts, the same thing happens as with a smartphone battery in the cold: the charge drops before our eyes. And the leftovers are only enough to run away from everyone and slam the door behind them with relief.

In order not to reach complete misanthropy, learn to restore energy in time.

• Do not try to catch everything and everywhere. Set short-term goals and move towards them one step at a time.
• If possible, plan no more than 1-2 public events per week.
• Make time for a good rest after meetings.
• Take breaks from speaking and talking to be alone with yourself.
• From time to time, leave a crowded workspace, go to a quiet cafe, go outside, or simply wear headphones with your favorite music.
• Arriving at a party, do not rush to immediately entertain others with conversations. Immerse yourself in the atmosphere gradually: look around, sit on the couch, take some photos, ask the host to introduce you to the guests.
• During the evening, go to the balcony, garden or other secluded place to replenish your strength and get away from people.
• A book downloaded to your phone can be a good helper. A few minutes of reading will bring you peace of mind.

The secret of this technique is not to waste your last energy on communication. Take pauses to regain energy by being in peace and quiet.

5. Secular lion

When will come in handy

In situations where you just need to make new acquaintances, communicate and make a good impression.

How to apply

Let's be honest: introverts are not brilliant conversationalists. “What to discuss, if everything is clear anyway,” we think. The weather, you say, is bad? Well, it's winter. Don't understand the new movie? What you wanted is von Trier. What do I think about proper nutrition? I think this is a promising idea.

In situations where you still need to get acquainted and communicate, I suggest using the "Secular Lion" technique. People who are forced to attend events often do not put a lot of energy into the conversation, they have learned to have a superficial but pleasant conversation. Anyone can master this skill.

Small talk consists of opening, supporting, transitional and closing phrases. Learn a few in advance and build a dialogue using them as a constructor.

Opening phrases are an opportunity to start a conversation. For example:

• Good evening, I'm Julia. What a cozy place, isn't it?
• Good evening, do you know what this music is?
• Hello, nice to meet you. I am Anton, senior manager.

Supporting phrases are pertinent questions to engage in conversation. Examples:

• Is the topic of today's report close to you? What seemed interesting?
• Have you read a new book by this author?
• Do you like Asian food?

Transitional phrases will help when the conversation starts to dry out and the frightening tension arises from the fact that there is nothing to talk about. Then you can return the conversation to what has already been discussed. For example:

• You said you were a doctor. What profile?
• You mentioned children. Where do they study?
• We were discussing a new film. How do you feel about theater?

Introverts have wonderful intuition. If you feel that the interlocutor is not in the mood to continue the conversation, it is better to end it. The ending phrases will help with this:

• I beg your pardon, I must leave you and greet my colleagues.
• I was glad to meet you. Have a good evening!
• Excuse me, but I have to answer the call. See you later!

If your interlocutor decided to take leave of the first, let him "escape", briefly wishing him good luck. And don't forget that small talk lasts an average of 5-7 minutes.

The secret to this technique is to relax and not take the conversation too seriously. Small talk allows you to build communication while maintaining the distance an introvert needs to feel comfortable.

Find a way for you to overcome your fear of communication. Then it turns out that among those around you there are many people who are ready to respond and help, and those who, like you, take the first step with great difficulty, but in the end become your best friend.