What to do if someone doesn't like you

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

It is impossible to please everyone. Accept this, do not despair and do not adjust to others.

Remember it's okay to be in pain

We react painfully to rejection, whatever it may be: friendship, romance, or communication with colleagues. Once upon a time, such a reaction was necessary for survival. When we lived in tribes, being rejected and expelled from the community was almost like death. Therefore, if someone rejects us, there is such a strong chemical reaction in the brain that it causes physical pain.

After that, we go through several stages. First, we blame ourselves. It seems to us that we have somehow upset the other person. Then we feel humiliation and shame, we feel our own weakness. We are trying to win that person's favor again. “Not even because we want to please him,” explains psychotherapist Sean Grover, “we just hate to feel that someone doesn't like us.” In the end, we feel like a failure.

These sensations are unpleasant, but absolutely normal. The main thing is not to dwell on them and move on.

Don't blame yourself

Overtly expressed dislike of others causes many to doubt themselves. But remember, people’s actions are usually explained by their own problems and experiences. It's not about you personally or about the other person, but about both of you.

It's just that this particular person at this very moment of life is incompatible with you.

In addition, the location of the other person has a lot to do with how you benefit him, even if unconsciously. "It's also seen in animals," said Jennifer Verdolin, an animal behavior researcher at Duke University. "They prefer to spend time with individuals that are similar to them in status, character or genetic ties."

If you have nothing in common that is valuable to both sides, you will be rejected. This is almost inevitable.

Analyze your behavior

Don't blame yourself for not liking you. However, if this happens all the time, try to objectively look at your behavior.

Ask for a reason why you were rejected. For example, you’ve been told that you are showing off a lot or obsessing over yourself. Think if there is some truth in this. Analyze your behavior. If you really do this and it is unpleasant for other people, work on yourself.

Just don't overdo it. Of course, some of your habits can annoy others. But often, it just reflects that person's fears, prejudices, or unpleasant memories.

Make new friends gradually

Once in a new circle of people, we feel lonely. For example, at a new job or after moving to another city. In such situations, the relationship of the rest has already developed - it is easy to feel like an outsider.

Become part of the new environment gradually. For example, invite a coworker to have lunch together. But don't try to join the group right away. Contact whoever is most friendly.

Not everyone is ready to welcome you right away with open arms. Focus on those who are willing to take a step forward.

Spend more time with those who value you

Surely you have at least a few people you can rely on in difficult times. Chat with them more often. It will boost your self-esteem and restore your self-confidence.

Strengthen relationships with people who value you. This is more beneficial than worrying about those who rejected you.

And remember, the best way to make real friendships is to be sincere. Do not expect everyone to reach out to you on their own. Such an attitude will not at all attract others to you.

And send the haters away

At least mentally. Sometimes you just need to accept that someone is against you. “It's okay if you have an enemy,” says Sean Grover. "If people envy you, ignore it."

Don't intentionally turn others against yourself. But if someone doesn't like you and this feeling is mutual, then don't worry. You don't have to try to placate him.