What to do if a child is bullied at school

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Children are so cruel that even teachers give in to them. School bullying, senseless and merciless, has always been, is and will be. We tried to figure out where it comes from, who is at risk, what can be done about this and whether it is worth changing the school if a child is attacked.

Someone recalls school with nostalgia, someone with horror. The latter does not arise from bad conditions or a boring program, but from school bullying.

Bullying, or bullying (English bullying) - aggressive persecution of one of the team members (especially the team of schoolchildren and students, but also colleagues) by the rest of the team members or part of it. During bullying, the victim is unable to defend himself from attacks, thus bullying is different from a conflict, where the forces of the parties are approximately equal.

Don't confuse bullying and not having a hundred friends. The child may be introverted, withdrawn, lonely, or unpopular. But he shouldn't be a victim. The difference is in regular and deliberate aggression towards a child.

Cyberbullying has also appeared relatively recently - this is emotional pressure, only on the Internet, especially on social networks.

How common is this?

Much more often than it seems. 30% of people between the ages of 5 and 14 have experienced violence. This is 6.5 million people (according to data for 2011) Sheregi, F. E. Of these, a fifth is accounted for by school violence. The figure is not just big, it is huge.

Why is school bullying dangerous?

In addition to the fact that bullying can take the form of physical violence, that is, lead to trauma, it can also be psychological and emotional. Her tracks are more difficult to spot, but she is no less dangerous.

Bullying destroys a person's self-esteem. The object of bullying develops complexes. The child begins to believe that he has earned a bad attitude towards himself.

Bullying interferes with learning, because the child is not up to classes: he would have to survive in school. Bullying forms anxiety disorders, phobias, depression National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. …

And not a single person who went through the rejection of the team will never forget it. Subsequently, a negative attitude towards life in the classroom can spread to any community at all, which means problems with communication in adulthood.

Who is at risk?

In fact, everything. They are looking for a reason for bullying, something that makes the child different from others (in any direction). These can be physical disabilities, health problems, poor academic performance, glasses, hair color or eye shape, lack of fashionable clothes or expensive gadgets, even an incomplete family. Often, withdrawn children who have few friends, domestic children who do not know how to communicate in a team, and in general everyone whose behavior does not resemble the behavior of the offender, often suffer.

It is useless to fix any features that have become the reason. Those who poison, if desired, can get to the bottom of the lamppost.

And who, in fact, is poisoning?

There are two completely opposite types of attackers.

• Popular children, kings and queens with their school entourage, leaders who rule other children.
• Asocial, left out of the collective students who are trying to take the position of kings, collecting their own court.

A separate type of aggressor is the adult school staff. Usually teachers.

Why are they being bullied?

Because they can. If you ask grown-up offenders why they were bullying, as a rule, they answer that they did not understand that they were doing something wrong. Someone is looking for an excuse for their behavior, explaining that the victim received "for the cause."

Researchers come to the conclusion that the source of bullying is not in the personality of the victim or offender, but in the principle by which Peter Gray's classes are formed. … …

Children in schools are collected on the basis of one criterion - the year of birth. Naturally, such a group would never have formed. Therefore, conflicts are inevitable: children are forced to communicate with those who are imposed on them, without the right to choose.

The situation at school is similar to the situation in a prison: people are forcibly driven into one room, and they must be monitored by people over whom no less strict control has been established.

Bullying is both an opportunity to establish your power in such an unnatural team, and the unification of offenders into a close-knit group. And in any group, responsibility for actions is blurred, that is, children receive psychological indulgence for any actions of Ruland, E. …

There is only one prerequisite, without which bullying is impossible: connivance on the part of teachers or tacit approval of such behavior.

So it's the teachers' fault?

No. The point is, teachers don't see bullying. The attackers know how to behave quietly, pretend to be goodies and mock the victim when no one notices. But the victim, as a rule, does not differ in such cunning. And if he gives an answer, it catches the eye of the teachers.

Bottom line: the teacher sees how the student is out of order, but does not see what was the reason for this.

The problem cannot be denied though. Many adults believe that children will figure it out on their own, that it is better not to interfere, that the target of bullying is “to blame”. And sometimes the educator lacks the experience, qualifications (or conscience) to stop bullying.

How do you know if a child is being attacked?

Children are often silent about their problems: they are afraid that the intervention of adults will exacerbate the conflict, that adults will not understand and support. There are several signs that you might be suspicious of bullying.

• Bruises and scrapes that the child cannot explain.
• Lie in response to the question of where the injuries came from: the child cannot come up with an explanation, says that he does not remember how the bruises appeared.
• Frequently "lost" items, broken equipment, missing jewelry or clothing.
• The child looks for an excuse not to go to school, pretends to be sick, and often suddenly has a head or stomach ache.
• Changes in eating behavior. You should especially pay attention to the cases when the child does not eat at school.
• Nightmares, insomnia.
• Spoiled academic performance, loss of interest in classes.
• Quarrels with old friends or loneliness, low self-esteem, constant depression.
• Runaways, self-harm, and other destructive behaviors.

How to stop bullying?

In fact, none of the researchers can give a recipe for how to stop bullying. It should be taken into account that if bullying begins at school, it is impossible to eliminate the problem at the level of "victim - attacker", because it is ineffective. You need to work with the whole team, because there are always more than two participants in bullying Petranovskaya, L.

The entire class and teachers are witnesses who are also affected by the unfolding drama. They also take part in the process, albeit as observers.

The only way to really stop bullying is to build a healthy and healthy school community.

This is helped by joint assignments, group work on projects, extracurricular activities in which everyone participates.

The main thing that needs to be done is to call the bullying bullying, violence, to indicate that the actions of the aggressors have been noticed and that this must be stopped. So everything that offenders consider cool will be exposed in a different light. And this must be done either by the class teacher, or the head teacher, or the director.

How to respond to aggression?

Discuss any bullying with your child so that he or she can respond to the bullying. As a rule, the scenarios are repeated: names, petty sabotage, threats, physical violence.

In each case, the victim needs to act in a way that the aggressors would not expect.

Always respond to insults, but calmly, without sliding into reciprocal swearing. For example, say: "I am talking to you politely."If a child sees that someone has ruined his things, you need to inform the teacher about this, so that the offenders hear: "Maria Alexandrovna, chewing gum on my chair, someone ruined the school furniture." If they are trying to beat or drag them away, if you cannot escape, you need to shout loudly: “Help! Fire!". Unusual. But letting yourself be beaten is worse.

Since the methods of bullying are varied, the answers will be individual. Can't figure out what to do? Ask the specialist psychologists that every school should have.

What can be done with the offenders?

There are few options. If a child is beaten, you need to go to the emergency room, undergo a medical examination, report to the police and go to court for compensation for harm. Parents and schools will be responsible for the wrongful acts. The offenders themselves are responsible only after 16 years (for serious harm to health - after 14) the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. …

But if the bullying is only emotional, it is unlikely that it will be possible to prove something and involve law enforcement agencies. It is necessary to immediately go to the class teacher, and if the teacher denies the problem - to the head teacher, director, in the RONO, City Department of Education. The task of the school is to organize the very psychological work within a class or several classes in order to stop the violence.

If I intervene, won't it get worse?

It won't. Bullying is not an isolated conflict. There can be many of them. If a child is being bullied, he alreadycannot cope with aggression on their own.

The worst policy is to decide that the child will deal with the problems on his own.

Some people really do it. And many break. It can even go as far as suicide. Do you want to check on your child whether he is lucky or not?

How can I support my child?

• If there is already bullying, then this is a reason to contact a psychologist, and the whole family must deal with it at once. If the child takes the position of a victim in the family, then the school will be the same.
• Show that you are always on the side of the child and are ready to help him, to deal with difficulties until the very end, even if it will not be easy. There should not be any suggestions to endure the difficult period.
• Try to eliminate fear. The child is afraid of both offenders and teachers, who can punish him for violating the norms of behavior if he fights back or complains. Share that his self-esteem is more important than the opinions of classmates and teachers.
• If your child lacks opportunities for self-affirmation in school, find such opportunities for him. Let him show himself in hobbies, sports, additional activities. You need to instill confidence in him. This requires practical confirmation of its significance, that is, achievements.
• Do anything that can help raise your child's self-esteem. This is a separate topic. Search the entire Internet, re-read all the literature on this topic, talk to experts. Everything for the child to believe in himself and in his strength.

What can't be said?

Sometimes parents take a position in which their help becomes harmful. Some phrases will only make it worse.

"You yourself are to blame", "you behave this way", "you provoke them", "you are being bullied for something" … The child is not to blame for anything. And each of us can find differences from others, shortcomings. This does not mean that everyone can be hounded. Blaming the victim and looking for reasons for bullying is to justify the bully. So you will side with your child's enemies.

There is an opinion that there is a special victim behavior, that is, a victim pattern that is impossible not to attack. Even so, this is not a reason to make your child the scapegoat. It's just not possible - period.

"Do not pay attention" … Bullying is the grossest invasion of personal space, you cannot not react to this. At some point, the offenders may really fall behind. It is not a fact that by this time at least something will remain of the child's self-esteem and self-esteem.

"Give them back" … Risky advice that endangers the child's health and exacerbates conflict. If the victim tries to clumsily resist, the bullying only intensifies.

"What are you doing, he feels bad!" … These or similar words are trying to calm down the attackers. Do not try to reach out to those who bully, explaining that the victim is bad. So you will only prove that the victim is weak, and the offenders are strong, that is, confirm their position.

Should I transfer my child to another school?

A popular position is that transferring a child to another class or school is an unsuccessful measure, because in a new place it will be the same. It is better to teach the child to behave in a new way, so that he temper the character and can fight back.

Not really. As we have already found out, bullying begins where the child does not have the right to choose a team. Anyone can be a potential victim. And bullying is impossible if the teaching staff knows how to stop bullying at the very beginning.

That is, a transition to another team (for example, to a school where subjects close to the child are studied in depth) or to another teacher can correct the situation.

If you cannot solve the problem, if the teachers at school turn a blind eye to bullying, if the child is afraid to go to school, then change it.

And then, in a new place and with renewed vigor, go to a psychologist and teach your child moral fortitude.

My child is doing well, is he not threatened with bullying?

Hopefully not, and that your child is neither a victim nor an aggressor. But just in case, remember:

• Bullying is a common phenomenon that has always been.
• Bullying grows where it is grown: in a team where too different children are gathered without common goals and interests. Any person can become a victim, since we are all somehow different from others.
• Children don't always tell their parents about bullying, but it’s hard to solve the problem without adult intervention. It is necessary to eliminate bullying in the whole class at once, to work with teachers and psychologists.
• The main thing is to save children's self-esteem, so that this does not result in serious psychological problems in adulthood.
• If school staff pretend nothing is happening, look for another school.