Why do I no longer help people and I do not advise you to do so

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

We were drummed from childhood that mutual assistance is right and important. In fact, this is not entirely true. Blogger and marketer CamMi Pham explains why helping someone is the last thing. Get ready, it will be tough.

My mother taught me not to give too much advice and not try to help anyone until the person asks for it. It always seemed to me that it was she from harm. But as I grew up, I realized that my mother was still right. And yes, she is one of the kindest and most cordial people I have ever known.

Society says you need to help people. I agree with that. It is believed that we should unconditionally strive to help others, and even when they do not expect it. No, everything is correct here, sudden acts of kindness can sometimes change your life. However, the coin has two sides. And you should know what such philanthropy can turn out to be.

Of course, not everything is so sad, but not so rosy either. There is good in bad and bad in good. While helping people is not a bad idea, it is still not a good idea. There are three cases when I personally tend to refuse help and strongly recommend that you do the same.

Don't help people who don't deserve your help

It's not that easy. We've been taught all our lives to help others, but now forget about it.

As you grow up, you will realize that you have only two hands: one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

Sam Levenson

Aspiring startups often ask me for advice. I know perfectly well how difficult it is to launch a startup, I went through it myself. And yet I stopped sharing my experience and knowledge for nothing. Once upon a time I was often called for a cup of coffee just to "ask a couple of questions." If you have several million dollars from investors in your bank account, do not even try to peck my brain without the proper reward for it. Especially if you haven't even bothered to pay for my tea. These guys don't understand that I have a family to feed, bills to pay, urgent matters to deal with on time. They do not realize that I will somehow have to compensate for the time spent talking with them by sitting at work until late at night. Since they do not value my time, then I am not going to waste it on them.

If people don't care about you, you don't have to help them. They just don't deserve it.

Now I'm just saying how much an hour of my time is worth. Severely, yes, but life has become easier, and I am happier. People take me much more seriously. If someone finds my services too expensive, I suggest other ways to compensate for the time spent.

Rule 1. Never offer anything for free.

Rule 2. Never forget Rule 1.

People will always try to exploit you if you let them. You don't have time to help everyone. Support only those who truly deserve it.

Don't help people who can't appreciate your help

My biggest weakness is that I really enjoy helping. I support people whether they asked for it or not. This approach can sometimes backfire in the most unexpected way.

One client of mine was doing very badly. My team and I took a few days to study the trending data and understand what the problem was. It wasn’t part of our assignment, so it didn’t count, it was just that we were sincerely worried about the client’s success. My team found several serious problems with his business model and strategy. We told him about it, and he fired us.

We did work that went beyond responsibilities, just out of empathy. We told the client things that he didn't want to hear from us. We lost a client because we tried to help. Finally, now he hates us simply because we voiced our professional opinion.

The surest way to turn a friend into a fierce enemy is to tell him what he doesn't want to hear.

I stopped helping people who don't want to. Minimum AMD, maximum time for yourself.

Don't Help If You Can't Do It Well

This is the most important thing. Offering support when you are not really ready to provide it is not right away. NO. I have done this several times, I still regret it.

One day my father and mother went abroad and asked me to look after their house. I had no idea how to water the flowers. I poured some, and some dried out. When the parents returned a month later, all their plants had already died. If I had not offered my help, there would have been someone knowledgeable in this, and my dad's precious flowers would have been alive to this day. By the way, my parents forbade me to even touch the plants with my finger.

If you want to help without the skills or time, your help will be of no use.

Finally, everything can be good or bad. It is important for us to find a balance between these extremes. Assess everything carefully before lending a helping hand. If you fail to do this, you will be wasting your time and money and jeopardizing important relationships, personal or professional.

A random act of kindness can change someone's life, or it can break it. If you help the wrong people - miss the chance to support people who really deserve it. Think before you help.