Why being friends with your parents isn't always a good idea

Sounds quite logical. It is thanks to this logic that close friendly tandems are formed from parents and adult children, for example, mother and daughter or father and son. They often call each other and constantly correspond in messengers, regularly go somewhere together or travel, discuss problems at work and in their personal life, consult with each other on any occasion. That is, they do everything that best friends usually do.

Most often, there is nothing wrong with such a relationship with parents, but sometimes this situation is a very alarming bell.

Why it's great to be friends with your parents

They can be trusted

If family relationships are healthy and adequate, you really can't expect any meanness from your parents. They will not weave intrigues behind their backs, manipulate, assert themselves at your expense, and “pour” your secrets into the social network. This is such a reliable support that will never fail.

They know you perfectly

And you are theirs. And therefore, it is relatively easy for you to understand each other. In addition, you have a rich shared history behind you, tons of common jokes, funny incidents and intra-family memes.

They can provide great advice

Yes, the world is changing rapidly now, and information is more accessible than ever, which is why the experience of the older generation is no longer as valuable as it used to be. But there are still situations in which it is the parents who should be trusted the most and these people will be able to help better than a psychologist, counselor, or peer friend.

Difficulties in relations with others, personal crises, important career decisions, choice of housing - if the parents themselves coped well with all this, it is quite logical to rely on their opinion.

Everyone benefits

This kind of friendship strengthens the relationship. She helps children learn important life experience, and parents - to keep up with the times, master modern technologies, try new hobbies, better navigate the changing world, and feel more confident. This kind of companionship increases the overall feeling of happiness and life satisfaction.

But all this is true for situations when there is no place for toxicity and manipulation in relationships with loved ones and when, in addition to mom and dad, there are other people in a person's life whom he trusts. But if parents are the best, if not the only friends, the state of affairs becomes somewhat alarming, according to psychologists.

Why it's not always great to be friends with your parents

This makes separation difficult

As they grow up, the child learns how to be autonomous and exist separately from mom and dad. It all starts with the fact that he learns to crawl, walk and eat on his own, and ends with the fact that he gets a job and moves out of the house into adulthood.

This whole process is called separation, and it should be completed at about the moment when the child becomes an adult. Or when he finishes his studies: after all, it is difficult for a student to fully support himself and live independently of his parents.

And the point here is not so much in physical separation as in psychological. You can, for various reasons, stay in the parental home, but at the same time be able to make independent decisions and take full responsibility for your life. Or you can be a working person who has been living separately for many years, but at the same time continues to depend on the opinions of relatives and builds his life at their behest. A close friendship with mom and dad can lead to just such a scenario.

It can also signal that the child or parents, and sometimes all family members are not yet ready to let each other go. And they continue to live as before: one side controls and takes care of, the other takes control and custody. It's just that now it's not called "Mom chooses my clothes", but "Mom and I go shopping together."

It interferes with relationships with other people

The mother or father in such a situation, as it were, occupies the place that usually belongs to a school friend, college friend, friend from work, sometimes even a romantic partner.

This may indicate that the person has problems with trust and has not learned to build close relationships with other people. Or that parents do not allow a grown-up child to build these relationships and fill all the vacant positions in his life.

It changes roles and shifts personal boundaries

Even for an adult child, the parent remains a large, important and strong figure; a person with whom you can sometimes be small and weak; to which you can come, if something happens, ask for help or advice; to which you can temporarily shift problems and responsibilities.

Of course, when we grow up, we understand that parents are not gods, but ordinary people, they give weakness and make mistakes. But this childish feeling - that if something happens, mom or dad will come and decide everything - partly persists. Therefore, relationships with older relatives are still different from relationships with friends. They will retain a patronizing note, and the parent will still take the position of an older, wiser and more experienced one. And this is no longer the friendship of two equal people, but something completely different.

It happens that the balance of power and the boundaries of relationships change slightly and children and their parents find themselves in exactly the same positions. But then you have to, for example, listen to information about the problems of your mother or father, including completely personal ones, about which you might prefer not to know. Or support your parents, see them upset and overwhelmed, and come to their aid more often than you would like.