The power of loneliness: why everyone needs time to be alone

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Do you think that having dinner in a cafe or going to the cinema alone is strange, boring and uninteresting? Nonsense. By spending time with yourself, you become a self-sufficient person, you can think about important things and learn to love yourself a little more (or at least figure out why you can't do it).

Never miss a great opportunity for no reason

If you give up an interesting trip just because you have no one to travel with, you are doing yourself a disservice. How many times have you wanted to do something fun and stopped just because there was no company? "I won't go to the movies alone, it won't be so much fun."

Rebecca Ratner, professor of marketing at the University of Massachusetts, has studied people's reluctance to do things alone for many years. She believes that these biases make people less joyful in life. In a study titled "It Is Forbidden to Play Bowling Alone," she reports that people consistently underestimate how pleasant they will be to see a show, go to a museum or movie theater, or dine in a restaurant without company.

You shouldn't feel uncomfortable if you choose to spend more time on yourself.

This becomes a serious problem when you automatically give up a fun pastime if you have no one to share it with. Not only is there less joy in your life. Time is a limited resource. And, most likely, the option that you put off today because you were alone, you will not be able to return later, no matter if you have a company or not.

If you care what people think of you if you sit in a restaurant or movie theater alone, relax: no one cares. Random people think much less of you than you think. If you don't cry during your lonely dinner or scream about how lonely you are in the back row of the theater, no one will pay attention to you.

Freedom, independence and time to think

What's for dinner? What you want. What are we going to do tonight? Anything. What kind of music are we going to listen to today? The very pop song that you love to sing along with all your might, but you are ashamed to play it in front of your friends.

Time alone gets rid of democracy: you no longer have to worry about another person's schedule, just your own. You can order food when you are hungry, watch a movie whatever you want and at a time convenient for you, be unpredictable and changeable - no one will say a word.

You don't have to think about how to entertain someone else. There is no need to be decent, try to be nice, and worry if other people are bored. All that matters is whether you are having a good time.

Taking a little time only for yourself, you gain strength and energy to communicate with other people.

But the most important thing that gives you time alone is the opportunity to reflect. You have so many thoughts in your head that only free time will help you figure them out. Time alone sets you up for a thoughtful mood. By allowing your thoughts to wander, you release the stress that is holding you down. At this time, you can really be yourself and sort out your feelings and experiences.

Self-sufficiency is the best character trait

Nothing raises self-esteem like independence. The less you depend on others, the greater you can achieve. When you are alone, you have to deal with problems on your own. You stop being a cog in the system, you learn to be a multifunctional tool. Thanks to this, self-confidence and self-confidence grows, and not only socially, but also in other aspects of your life.

Asking for help only when you really need it helps yourself to expand your own boundaries.

Moreover, when you are self-sufficient, no one stands in the way of your goals but you. If you know how to make decisions on your own, it depends only on you whether you go abroad, attend classes, go to a concert of your favorite band, or do what you always wanted. Of course, freedom is a double-edged sword. When you are in control of your actions, you cannot blame others or seek support from someone else. But perhaps this is what prevents you from acting.

Feeling great alone doesn't mean being social anxiety

Nevertheless, it is important to keep the middle ground. Just because you're comfortable alone doesn't mean you can't have fun with other people. This does not mean that you have to close yourself off from the world.

I love being alone, but I love meeting friends to play games together, chat or watch Game of Thrones. Every Wednesday I go to the running club meetings, and when I walk alone to a place with other people, I can strike up a friendly conversation. In fact, being alone has helped me develop my social skills. It is interesting to meet people who are not like you. It's worth exploring the world outside of your comfort zone.

Every time I am asked why I like to spend time alone, I explain, but I ask a counter question: "Why do you need other people to do what you want?" Usually they answer that spending time with other people is more pleasant, someone is afraid to seem strange in the eyes of other people, some just need it.

But sometimes my question hits the mark. People don't know what to say. Think about why you don't want to be alone with yourself. Perhaps you feel like you need a co-pilot to support you if something happens. But you will not know if this is really so until you make your first solo flight.