What to do if you feel uncomfortable all the time

Who is susceptible to social awkwardness

1. People with a certain personality type

Most often these are psychasthenics - often doubting, anxious people who find it difficult to approach strangers and start a new business.

Olesya Zvagolskaya psychologist, teacher of psychology

Awkwardness, a feeling of embarrassment, constraint are most inherent in pronounced introverts, who are used to communicating closely only with a narrow circle of people, as well as individuals with increased anxiety. Such people worry that they may give the wrong answer, offend the interlocutor, or look inappropriate.

2. Insecure people

A person of any personality type can feel uncomfortable in society if he or she has been condemned for a long time by peers or parents. Even very sociable and optimistic people can have low self-esteem under the influence of negative experiences and being in an aggressive social environment.

Do I need to fight this

A shy person is usually not the ringleader and soul of the company. However, such people often have other important qualities, such as sensitivity and delicacy. A typical example is the director Woody Allen, whose natural shyness did not prevent him from becoming famous all over the world. So the main thing is to accept yourself as you are and learn how to use it.

Grigory Bakhin practicing psychologist, performer of the online consumer services YouDo.com

Awkwardness isn't always a bad quality to deal with. Rather, it is a good diagnostic sign that helps to deal with your inner world. In some situations, awkwardness can act as an additional opportunity to enter into communication with the right person and establish emotional contact with him.

If embarrassment prevents you from living and achieving your goals, try changing your attitude towards this trait and developing new behavioral strategies. You will not be able to completely change your personality type.

Ilya Shabshin consultant psychologist, author of books

It is pointless to fight characterological qualities. This is not something bad, not a flaw, but a part of your personality. You need to know about it and take into account when making decisions. For example, don't go to the special forces.

How to get rid of awkwardness

1. Be clear about your goal

In any business, a plan and an understanding of your goals will not hurt. Think about the situations in which awkwardness prevents you: communicating with the opposite sex, with bosses and officials, with new people or with acquaintances too? Imagine what will change in your life as you overcome your social awkwardness. This will help you understand yourself better and encourage you to take further action.

Olesya Zvagolskaya psychologist, teacher of psychology

It is always worthwhile to first be puzzled by the inner side of the issue, namely, the alignment of self-esteem and the elimination of anxiety, and then with specific communication techniques.

2. Think about whether you can handle it yourself

Sometimes, self-doubt and increased anxiety can be signs of social anxiety and other serious disorders. There are tests on the Internet to determine the level of depression and the presence of social anxiety, but it is better not to get carried away with self-diagnosis. If you suspect you have something like this, contact a specialist.

3. Start small

This is a universal tip for all situations, but it is especially important here. If a psychasthenic type person expects too much from himself, this will only aggravate everything. There are trainings in which you need to approach strangers on the street and ask them for money or hug them. Do not start with these exercises if they scare you to death.

4. Get to know yourself

The root of many problems is that a person does not represent himself as he really is. The more we know ourselves, the less we are afraid to seem ridiculous and not like someone.

Our main fear is not to live up to our own expectations. A sense of embarrassment arises when we commit an act that is at odds with the illusion about ourselves.

You need to understand your real features and allow yourself to make mistakes, because no one is immune from them.

5. Change your focus

When a person is embarrassed, he completely focuses on himself and his feelings. Instead, direct your attention to others, and be genuinely interested in someone's life or story. In the end, it may even be dishonest: perhaps your opponent did not even notice your shyness or oversight, and you no longer listen to him at all and withdraw into yourself.

6. Choose your social circle carefully

It is very difficult to increase self-esteem if your loved ones make fun of you or assert themselves at your expense. Get rid of such pseudo-friends, and keep such colleagues and relatives at the maximum distance.

7. Keep records

Make a plan, write down all the successes, patterns of phrases for communication. There is no shame in using cheat sheets for self-development. In addition, written information is better assimilated.

8. Read books on psychology and self-development

Many of them really help dramatically change your life. For awkward people, we especially recommend books about sign language and facial expressions, such as "New Body Language" by Allan and Barbara Pease and "Communication Difficulties" by Andrey Kurpatov.

9. Just wait

With age, people gain experience and react less to the opinions of others. So, to some extent, the problem will be solved by itself. Of course, this option is only suitable if shyness and shyness do not greatly interfere with your life.

10. Don't take it personally

Remember, if someone is rude or taciturn, it probably isn't about you. Probably, this person behaves like this with everyone or just out of sorts. Insecure people are often too suspicious and take any negative at their own expense.

But we are not responsible for other people's behavior, but we can control our own.

11. Know your worth when trying to connect

Avoid negativity, but do not curry favor or be silent if you are offended. It is better to blush and hesitate to say that something hurt you than to silently leave, swallowing the offense or not understanding the situation.